Thrown out like the trash/ Recycled for needed change/ Gaslight the bonfire

WEBVTT 1 00:00:10.349 --> 00:00:15.710 What's up? Welcome to the EMO Dojo. Today's Monday, November thirty. 2 00:00:16.429 --> 00:00:23.579 I'm johnny motions. So I went to that new job this morning. Cool, 3 00:00:24.100 --> 00:00:28.739 exhausting. If you have a mental disorder, try working eight hours, 4 00:00:29.059 --> 00:00:35.340 ten, ten hours straight. It's fucking hard, but it's what I got 5 00:00:35.420 --> 00:00:40.289 to do. Got To try, I got to push forward. And Yeah, 6 00:00:40.329 --> 00:00:44.250 of course nobody, nobody's here. There's nobody to say Ay, how 7 00:00:44.369 --> 00:00:48.649 is your day at work? And then again, and then you didn't email 8 00:00:48.649 --> 00:00:53.799 me or call me or anything. So I'm feeling pretty abandoned right about now. 9 00:00:55.000 --> 00:01:00.280 Yeah, it happens. I know everybody can't like drop what they're doing 10 00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:11.590 and reach out and support somebody. I was hoping somebody might. I'm starting 11 00:01:11.629 --> 00:01:18.230 to do all my show notes in high coup format. I've always had a 12 00:01:18.269 --> 00:01:25.900 fascination with high it's restrictions. Five syllables, seven, five. There's other 13 00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:33.129 forms, but that's the one I'm into in traditionally, hiku poems should convey 14 00:01:34.969 --> 00:01:40.290 the transition of seasons. That's sometimes I well, a lot of times I 15 00:01:40.329 --> 00:01:42.250 don't do that, but that should be in there, the transition. There 16 00:01:42.290 --> 00:01:47.920 should be some kind of transition and Hiku anyway, I like it. So 17 00:01:48.079 --> 00:01:53.400 I figured since this show is transcribed anyway, I don't really need show notes. 18 00:01:53.400 --> 00:01:56.439 If you want, if you're searching for something, just go to the 19 00:01:56.560 --> 00:02:00.239 page and hit the little search box and you can search every single word in 20 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:05.510 the podcast anyway. Right. So this transcriptions. So why make show notes? 21 00:02:06.069 --> 00:02:07.909 How about have fun with it. So I don't think anybody else does 22 00:02:08.310 --> 00:02:15.349 those show notes in Hiku format, let alone a daily show with hiku notes. 23 00:02:15.590 --> 00:02:17.900 So basically I have to do a podcast every day and come up with 24 00:02:17.979 --> 00:02:23.740 a new high coup as soon as I finished podcasting. Hmm, it's a 25 00:02:23.740 --> 00:02:30.009 nice distraction. A problem with abandonment, they I think that's what's making me 26 00:02:30.129 --> 00:02:36.650 feel dejected, like I don't understand why I get abandoned like we had, 27 00:02:38.490 --> 00:02:44.009 like the last guy I was working with there just flaked on paying me, 28 00:02:46.759 --> 00:02:47.680 my kids and I. We had a plan, you know, we, 29 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:52.080 I thought, we had committed to each other to come do a thing here 30 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.400 in this new town I moved in, and now none of them are around. 31 00:02:54.439 --> 00:02:59.069 I don't know where they are there. They don't say anything to me 32 00:02:59.349 --> 00:03:02.310 and they're not here currently and I haven't seen him over the Thanksgiving holiday. 33 00:03:02.710 --> 00:03:07.789 So I feel like there's no commitment. They're like, what what happened to 34 00:03:07.870 --> 00:03:09.990 like making a commitment and sticking through it? I've never been the kind that 35 00:03:10.110 --> 00:03:14.659 would just fail a commitment, like when I was a kid. I never 36 00:03:14.740 --> 00:03:16.699 ran away. I had to be kicked out of the House. When I 37 00:03:16.740 --> 00:03:21.259 was married. I didn't divorce my wife. She'd divorce me. And like 38 00:03:21.419 --> 00:03:23.780 with my kids, I'm I try to reach out. I know my personalities. 39 00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:27.610 Me It's a little extra, but you know, I'm ethical, I'm 40 00:03:27.610 --> 00:03:32.250 not a criminal or anything. But I still feel like they're they've abandoned me. 41 00:03:32.409 --> 00:03:38.650 I feel like everybody's abandoned me. I don't understand why. Like, 42 00:03:38.930 --> 00:03:42.319 well, I'm plus, I don't now I don't trust my own judgment, 43 00:03:42.840 --> 00:03:46.120 like the people I choose, like in this case the my last employer. 44 00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:51.039 I pick that person and that was horrible judgment. They were they were disloyal 45 00:03:51.159 --> 00:03:53.400 to the cause and they abandoned the project. I'm like, Dude, man 46 00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:59.550 up and pay your bills like a regular employer or with anybody, like if 47 00:03:59.550 --> 00:04:02.550 you commit to a project with somebody or plan, you got a fucking man 48 00:04:02.629 --> 00:04:05.710 up. I don't know. Not Talking in the terms of toxic masculinity, 49 00:04:05.789 --> 00:04:10.340 man up like that just, I don't know what other words to use. 50 00:04:10.419 --> 00:04:18.339 Their stand up with hold your commitment, keep trying, persist. Nope, 51 00:04:19.339 --> 00:04:25.009 now I'm stuck doing all the things like I'm still I'm like the last one 52 00:04:25.050 --> 00:04:29.370 left in most of the plans that I've ever made with people, like buddy 53 00:04:29.370 --> 00:04:30.810 of mine want to start a podcast a long time ago. I'm still the 54 00:04:30.889 --> 00:04:35.370 only one podcasting, you know. Most recently, my kids and I wanted 55 00:04:35.370 --> 00:04:39.360 to come and start a business together. Now the only one still pursuing that. 56 00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:44.240 That frustrates me that I feel like they've just quit, like who quits? 57 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:46.879 Who quits in the middle of a thing, without saying without like, 58 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:50.879 in words, speaking out loud, saying the reasons? I'm not a mind 59 00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:56.310 reader. Only narcissist expect others to read mind and I don't think my kids 60 00:04:56.350 --> 00:04:59.949 are narcissist, but they may have learned that trait from their mom, who 61 00:04:59.990 --> 00:05:01.790 expects people to read their minds and when you get it wrong, they get 62 00:05:01.790 --> 00:05:08.060 mad. That's just the way in narcissist controls the environment. But I don't, 63 00:05:08.100 --> 00:05:12.220 I didn't expect that from them. I expect my kids to communicate in 64 00:05:12.339 --> 00:05:17.259 words and have a normal conversation, but I don't hear from them. They 65 00:05:17.259 --> 00:05:19.420 don't know what they want to be in life, what they want to do 66 00:05:19.500 --> 00:05:23.730 with their lives. I don't know what their vision is five or ten years 67 00:05:23.769 --> 00:05:27.370 from now. I don't they just don't talk about anything like that with me. 68 00:05:27.889 --> 00:05:35.040 It's sad. I got an email. Here's some news. So I 69 00:05:35.240 --> 00:05:40.959 crack the top hundred and fifty in Norway. Who Whoo, we have one 70 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:46.199 of the top hundred fifty podcasts in Norway. So, of course, to 71 00:05:46.439 --> 00:05:51.230 the listeners in Norway, yeah, yeah, it's get dive egg dignimia nailed 72 00:05:51.350 --> 00:05:55.750 it. Do you think that's because Norway has a bunch of depressed people? 73 00:05:56.709 --> 00:06:00.110 I don't know. Because that there's a bunch of people from India that listened 74 00:06:00.110 --> 00:06:03.300 to the show. So a shout out to India as well. I just 75 00:06:03.420 --> 00:06:08.699 read aheadline this morning that India has one of the highest rates of depression in 76 00:06:08.939 --> 00:06:14.540 their populace of any country in the developed world. So I wonder if there's 77 00:06:14.540 --> 00:06:20.410 a correlation between a depressed population and the countries that listen to this podcast. 78 00:06:21.449 --> 00:06:25.810 Don't know. I'm happy you're listening. I don't I hope you get some 79 00:06:26.009 --> 00:06:30.930 value out of it. Maybe it helps you process your own thoughts or yeah, 80 00:06:31.569 --> 00:06:34.959 something like that, or just like well, if that guy's that guy 81 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:38.480 could do it, maybe I should try, because he doesn't sound that fucked 82 00:06:38.519 --> 00:06:42.759 up, or vice versa. There's probably people listen and say think to themselves, 83 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:47.629 yeah, that guy's got fucking issues. Yeah, I had so much 84 00:06:47.709 --> 00:06:54.069 to say and just deflated. I don't really feel like talking, so I'm 85 00:06:54.110 --> 00:07:00.509 not going to waste any more of your time either. And here I'm just 86 00:07:00.629 --> 00:07:05.500 going to sit in this room and be quiet and think about my life. 87 00:07:09.500 --> 00:07:27.769 Yes indeed, and here comes empty esss crash, and it's either lovey. 88 00:07:28.649 --> 00:07:39.519 I can't find any between, because I've been with which is been with Queen. 89 00:07:42.519 --> 00:07:57.029 It would anyway Nice, just another long and now back to the wall. 90 -->