That B-Word meets Bipolar Style; Mental Health Podcasters Unite!

WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.240 --> 00:00:10.429 Welcome back to bi polar style, the podcast for bipolar people and those who 2 00:00:10.550 --> 00:00:22.460 love them. Doing US online at by polar stylecom Johnny motion. Guess WHO's 3 00:00:22.500 --> 00:00:27.140 here? It's that B word. Hi. Hi, you can probably backy. 4 00:00:27.219 --> 00:00:32.420 By the way. That's okay, awesome. So, Becky, host 5 00:00:32.500 --> 00:00:36.409 of that be word, thanks for showing up. I appreciate it. It's 6 00:00:36.450 --> 00:00:40.609 hard. It's hard. Yeah, it's hard to wrangle people not on, 7 00:00:40.810 --> 00:00:43.969 not on their behalf, but just on my behalf, because, you know, 8 00:00:44.130 --> 00:00:47.929 it's hard scheduling when you've got certain issues happening in life. So I 9 00:00:48.049 --> 00:00:53.280 really appreciate you coming on. And things are especially interesting today because I'm traveling. 10 00:00:53.359 --> 00:00:56.159 I took a train ride, which is really fun. I really highly 11 00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:00.000 recommend that, and now I'm at my dad's house up in the mountains with 12 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:04.349 the head kind of suspect audio set up. So I think it's going pretty 13 00:01:04.349 --> 00:01:08.870 well, though. So your voice sounds great and that's killer. Hey, 14 00:01:10.069 --> 00:01:11.590 that's yeah, the most jealous. I want to take a train ride to 15 00:01:12.310 --> 00:01:18.859 yeah, it's so neat, I love it. There's a there's a train 16 00:01:18.980 --> 00:01:23.299 that is comes near to where I live and it's like an express train to 17 00:01:23.299 --> 00:01:25.980 DC. So I want to go up there and do that and hit the 18 00:01:26.019 --> 00:01:29.459 museums. Oh yeah, it's awesome them, totally. I love museums, 19 00:01:29.459 --> 00:01:33.890 especially they're they're all free. Yeah, exactly. Wow, not really free. 20 00:01:34.250 --> 00:01:37.489 I mean we do pay for them. Somebody paid for that. That's 21 00:01:37.569 --> 00:01:42.849 right. So how did you get into podcasting? I think we're both new 22 00:01:42.930 --> 00:01:46.650 to podcasting, right. I know I'm pretty well. Yeah, no, 23 00:01:46.769 --> 00:01:49.840 I'm very new. I well, I've been listening to podcast for a really 24 00:01:49.920 --> 00:01:53.200 long time and you know I love them, and that's pretty much all I 25 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:57.400 listened to. Every buddy's really bored when they get in the car with me, 26 00:01:57.120 --> 00:02:04.109 because but not a good cast and they want some music. But so 27 00:02:04.590 --> 00:02:07.430 I love the format and I always kind of wanted to get into it, 28 00:02:07.710 --> 00:02:13.189 but I never had a topic right. I never really thought that anything I 29 00:02:13.270 --> 00:02:21.020 had to say would be interesting enough. So, after listening to some other 30 00:02:21.539 --> 00:02:31.330 podcast mental podcasts, shout out to the normal bipolar guy. Yeah, I 31 00:02:31.569 --> 00:02:36.250 just decided, you know, I'm just going to do it. So I 32 00:02:36.289 --> 00:02:39.409 did it and here I am. Yeah, was was your drive like? 33 00:02:39.610 --> 00:02:43.889 Were you ever into radio? Like, did you want to be a DJ, 34 00:02:44.169 --> 00:02:46.159 or was it more of a kind of like I want to have by 35 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:52.800 bipolar voice heard, was it? Well, actually, I did have a 36 00:02:53.080 --> 00:02:57.800 radio, Internet radio show for a little while. There's my dog, all 37 00:02:57.840 --> 00:03:02.110 right, so I did that for for a while. So, but it 38 00:03:02.229 --> 00:03:07.750 was never like for Real Dj. It just is that on the side, 39 00:03:07.189 --> 00:03:09.550 something to do. You've got a good voice for radio, though, so 40 00:03:10.110 --> 00:03:14.099 I was wondering. That sounds like she's done this before. What kind of 41 00:03:14.139 --> 00:03:19.580 radio show did you do before? It was just local music, like local 42 00:03:19.659 --> 00:03:23.020 bands. Yeah, oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it was fun. 43 00:03:23.340 --> 00:03:27.849 It was a lot of fun because I got all the demos and I got 44 00:03:27.889 --> 00:03:30.449 to play the new music, which was a lot of fun. Yeah, 45 00:03:30.449 --> 00:03:31.930 I know, that's perfect. What's your favorite music style? The have a 46 00:03:32.009 --> 00:03:37.090 genre that you're particularly in towards? I mean, not really. I kind 47 00:03:37.090 --> 00:03:40.800 of love everything. Yea True Music Fan for yeah, yeah, I mean 48 00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:45.639 I can't really say that. I, you know, don't like any particular 49 00:03:45.639 --> 00:03:50.120 way genre all together because, I mean, maybe I don't listen to the 50 00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:52.960 country music station all the time, but there are some country songs that I 51 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:55.550 love, you know, and like. There are some hiphop songs that I 52 00:03:55.590 --> 00:04:00.110 don't like and some that I love. So yeah, that's for sure. 53 00:04:00.430 --> 00:04:03.590 It's but country is a trip, because in California I never listened to it. 54 00:04:03.990 --> 00:04:09.349 When I was staying in Louisiana it's all I listened to and I don't 55 00:04:09.509 --> 00:04:13.860 really like it that much, but it's infectious. You start to hear it 56 00:04:14.259 --> 00:04:16.779 and then I just start to dissect it and I like, okay, here 57 00:04:16.860 --> 00:04:21.740 comes the part or is going to mention an American brand and then he'd go 58 00:04:21.899 --> 00:04:25.569 out and mix it up with the boys. Oh, Yep, check, 59 00:04:25.610 --> 00:04:28.649 check. You just like driving across the country. You have a checklist of 60 00:04:28.769 --> 00:04:31.930 country songs and man, most songs hit every cliche on there. It's pretty 61 00:04:31.970 --> 00:04:36.170 funny. Yeah, that's true, but I mean I just like music so 62 00:04:36.290 --> 00:04:41.160 much I will crank up some country any old day and get my jam on. 63 00:04:41.639 --> 00:04:44.120 So, yeah, I don't want to spare Jenny music styles, but 64 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:47.920 country is interesting for sure. But, like I gain like when you're surrounded 65 00:04:47.959 --> 00:04:50.800 by people that listen to just one type of music, you just start to 66 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:57.110 appreciate it. I guess it's crazy. Well, and was this all in 67 00:04:57.189 --> 00:05:00.910 Ohio, where you are now? Yeah, I'm in Ohio right now. 68 00:05:00.949 --> 00:05:03.069 Yeah, that's so. That was you did the Ohio music scene? HMM, 69 00:05:03.269 --> 00:05:08.139 yeah, it was a Youngstown Ohio what when I was doing that. 70 00:05:08.300 --> 00:05:13.220 So I love that idea. It was it couldn't been that long. Yeah, 71 00:05:13.259 --> 00:05:15.459 I couldn't been long ago. Right, you're young, so it's not 72 00:05:15.579 --> 00:05:18.060 like our back in the day. Well, not that young, but Um, 73 00:05:18.740 --> 00:05:24.170 yeah, I was A it was about fifteen years ago. Maybe cool 74 00:05:24.250 --> 00:05:27.529 to say. No, can't be that long. Yeah, Time flies the 75 00:05:27.689 --> 00:05:30.689 twenty it's like, think about it, like two thousand and one, like 76 00:05:30.810 --> 00:05:34.089 nine eleven was seventeen years ago. Where you know, sixteen years ago. 77 00:05:34.490 --> 00:05:40.279 It's crazy, it is. I can't wrap my own my mom. Can't 78 00:05:40.279 --> 00:05:44.079 wrap my mound mind around it sometimes and there goes my mouth now. Yeah, 79 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:46.480 go, go, pick your tongue up over there. I know which 80 00:05:46.519 --> 00:05:50.310 just happened. That's funny. Okay, well, here's where it gets kind 81 00:05:50.350 --> 00:05:54.670 of interesting. We talked about other things to talk about on when we do 82 00:05:54.790 --> 00:05:59.829 podcasts, and one of them is still kind of always on the present ideas 83 00:05:59.910 --> 00:06:03.540 that we're always moving and we never quite feel settled where we are. MMM, 84 00:06:04.100 --> 00:06:06.500 so what I hear? We could talk about that a little bit, 85 00:06:06.540 --> 00:06:12.379 but I also want to hear about your methodology in creating your podcast, in 86 00:06:12.459 --> 00:06:16.660 particular because, like myself, you don't use your real face and I think 87 00:06:16.699 --> 00:06:21.810 that's like could we kind of talked about that a little bit and what touched 88 00:06:21.889 --> 00:06:27.569 the bone especially was that part, like are we hypocritical because we're, quote 89 00:06:27.610 --> 00:06:31.959 unquote, fighting stigma, yet we hide behind little icons and things like that? 90 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:36.560 You want to talk about that? Yeah, well, you kind of 91 00:06:36.720 --> 00:06:43.600 hit the nail in the head. Sometimes I'm just not sure if I am 92 00:06:43.759 --> 00:06:46.509 really doing any good if I am not out there with my real face, 93 00:06:46.629 --> 00:06:53.230 in my real name, you know, saying this is me and you know, 94 00:06:54.189 --> 00:06:58.589 fight sticking with that way. or I'm hoping that like the format of 95 00:06:58.670 --> 00:07:03.259 my podcast, having people on and tell their stories kind of will do that 96 00:07:03.660 --> 00:07:10.220 for me so I don't have to and everybody can stay in onymous. But 97 00:07:10.779 --> 00:07:14.620 I agree, I think that's part of the value because, excuse me, 98 00:07:14.939 --> 00:07:18.850 have you ever heard of the term shamrock? HMM, pulling the Shamrock, 99 00:07:18.889 --> 00:07:23.769 or it's called the Irish goodbye. It's when you're at a party or an 100 00:07:23.850 --> 00:07:27.529 event and you just kind of leave, you just kind of duck out the 101 00:07:27.649 --> 00:07:31.160 back door. Nobody knows you left, because the idea is that you really 102 00:07:31.160 --> 00:07:35.480 don't want it to be about you. And that's kind of my idea with 103 00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:41.560 the whole just putting an icon up there and not using the real my actual 104 00:07:41.680 --> 00:07:45.589 photograph, is because I don't want it to be about a boy or a 105 00:07:45.750 --> 00:07:49.110 girl, or a man or woman, or a white person or a black 106 00:07:49.149 --> 00:07:54.790 person. I just want to be about the person, about each each person 107 00:07:54.870 --> 00:08:00.779 that perceives their differences. Yeah, yeah, no, that's great, that's 108 00:08:01.899 --> 00:08:05.660 it's perfect. But I also have to work and that's that's the reality. 109 00:08:05.899 --> 00:08:09.459 So I've I've had jobs where the whole thing was, hey, let's talk 110 00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:16.329 about, you know, our personal lives and let's share, and invariably I 111 00:08:16.370 --> 00:08:22.370 would share about having bipolar disorder, which is wonderful, as you know, 112 00:08:22.889 --> 00:08:28.399 when your manic and people can look, people love to take advantage of mania. 113 00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:31.560 It's fun and life of the Party. You get a lot of work 114 00:08:31.639 --> 00:08:35.879 done. But then when you when you really get the press, not not 115 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:39.879 the kind of Daytoday, depression a lot of bipolar folks live with, but 116 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:41.710 I mean when you get that hard depression where you really can't get out of 117 00:08:41.789 --> 00:08:45.590 bed, you're stuck, you know, in a dark room for months. 118 00:08:46.389 --> 00:08:48.429 HMM. You know, do, you tend to lose your job and it's 119 00:08:48.509 --> 00:08:54.389 obviously because of the condition and it's those times where I don't want to run 120 00:08:54.429 --> 00:08:56.860 out there waving a flag that, hey, I have a mental illness. 121 00:08:56.899 --> 00:09:01.620 At the same time I'm trying to get top dollar for a new job somewhere. 122 00:09:01.779 --> 00:09:05.980 So I don't write. I get that it could seem hypocritical, but 123 00:09:05.059 --> 00:09:09.980 I also understand that I have my life to live, that nobody else is 124 00:09:09.009 --> 00:09:13.610 going to pay me to be bipolar on a podcast. Right, right, 125 00:09:13.649 --> 00:09:16.090 yeah, yeah, I mean it's all well and good to, you know, 126 00:09:16.210 --> 00:09:20.850 have your your mission and but I mean there's a practical scientific too that 127 00:09:20.929 --> 00:09:24.840 you have to work in, you have to eat and yeah, yeah, 128 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:28.080 do you have a day job? I do. Yep. Yeah. How 129 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:37.279 do you function work? Sometimes better than others. Yeah, yeah, I 130 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:39.309 it's actually have had this job for really long time. Oh, nice, 131 00:09:39.350 --> 00:09:43.629 comparatively. Yeah, compared. What? What's the nature of your work? 132 00:09:43.750 --> 00:09:50.190 I work for a lawyer. Cool, so I kind of kind of have 133 00:09:50.309 --> 00:09:54.379 to keep it on the download because of that, of course, also a 134 00:09:54.500 --> 00:09:58.659 really, really small office. Yeah, so, but more so, I 135 00:09:58.700 --> 00:10:01.740 would say. Yeah, or that industry in particular is very entrenched and old 136 00:10:01.779 --> 00:10:05.620 school ways. And Oh, yeah, do you just not gonna have a 137 00:10:05.659 --> 00:10:09.129 conversation about these kind of things? So, yeah, it's probably best not 138 00:10:09.289 --> 00:10:11.409 to. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's cool. We don't have 139 00:10:11.450 --> 00:10:16.009 an h our office or anything. It's all yeah, I'm this. I'm 140 00:10:16.090 --> 00:10:20.409 work at a real small design firm right now and I'm like, yeah, 141 00:10:20.769 --> 00:10:22.840 they don't need to know anything about this, what I'm doing right here at 142 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:28.480 all. Yeah, really, but it's okay. I mean because I think 143 00:10:28.519 --> 00:10:33.200 it's fun hosting other folks that are doing really valuable things, like Diane last 144 00:10:33.240 --> 00:10:39.750 week with her book about Post Pardon Bipolar Depression. And Yeah, she's fun 145 00:10:39.870 --> 00:10:45.029 and she's got a lot of cool things. Plus's super helpful in helping promote 146 00:10:45.389 --> 00:10:48.870 other mental health projects, like podcast like ours. I think that's really cool, 147 00:10:50.379 --> 00:10:54.500 and Jason B with this movie Donovan. That is pretty drippy. Oh 148 00:10:54.740 --> 00:10:58.500 See, I remember you. See, here's the thing. Now, when 149 00:11:00.179 --> 00:11:03.289 you were doing music, the music radio bit, you got all the demos. 150 00:11:03.970 --> 00:11:07.809 Now doing a podcast about bipolar and I get all the demos, so 151 00:11:07.889 --> 00:11:11.690 I get to see entire movies and things like that without that. Yeah, 152 00:11:11.730 --> 00:11:15.529 I know, I didn't totally did plan for that from like Oh, yeah, 153 00:11:15.570 --> 00:11:18.169 that's a bonus. I get free stuff to watch and listen to. 154 00:11:18.320 --> 00:11:22.720 But anyway, I try to do my part in and promoting, you know, 155 00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:26.279 pass it on and help promote people that have cool projects, because God 156 00:11:26.360 --> 00:11:31.519 knows, it's hard to get anything accomplished with saying people. So, yeah, 157 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:37.029 having a mental illness in getting anything accomplished is amazing to me. So 158 00:11:37.590 --> 00:11:41.549 I applaud you for having the quote Unquote Day job and putting on a podcast. 159 00:11:43.549 --> 00:11:46.909 Thank you. I don't know if I deserve a clause or if I 160 00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:52.019 deserve additional medication, but let's see this. You know, I haven't told 161 00:11:52.100 --> 00:11:58.899 by my therapists about the podcast either. Yeah, I haven't either. Like, 162 00:11:58.100 --> 00:12:03.009 oh no, some things are private. What's almost like remember, like 163 00:12:03.129 --> 00:12:07.009 the old reality shows where they put you in a confessional and that booth which 164 00:12:07.129 --> 00:12:11.210 just you in the whole world talking. Yeah, I like that. I 165 00:12:11.289 --> 00:12:13.570 think that's what I like. I'm like, okay, it's just me and 166 00:12:13.649 --> 00:12:18.000 a bunch of anonymous people, because I've always had the best conversations with like 167 00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:22.399 anonymous people that bus stops and things like that. Yeah, so, and 168 00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:26.759 honestly, I've had great conversations twice today with animals, with two different dogs. 169 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:28.639 You know, did they just they just get it. You just come 170 00:12:28.679 --> 00:12:31.909 up to you and I like, Oh, what's up. Whose dog are 171 00:12:31.950 --> 00:12:35.950 you? Cool? Yeah, what's your dog's name back there? Hmm, 172 00:12:37.110 --> 00:12:41.909 what's your dogs? Then my dog. He's annoyed that I'm not letting him 173 00:12:41.909 --> 00:12:45.419 in the room with me right now, and it's let us towards then, 174 00:12:45.539 --> 00:12:48.019 not doing yeah, let him in the room. Hold on a second. 175 00:12:48.019 --> 00:13:05.529 Yeah, totally aloud. Why are you so loud? And hopefully doesn't Bark 176 00:13:05.570 --> 00:13:09.649 to get let out in you'd be fine. People get right, people get 177 00:13:09.690 --> 00:13:11.769 with dogs. Are Say we had a gotta have dog ugs, gotta have 178 00:13:11.769 --> 00:13:16.399 animals. On a road trip we were taking cats in the car with us 179 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:22.240 to Louisiana and cat crates and I think that lasted about ten minutes because just 180 00:13:22.519 --> 00:13:26.919 the cats were me owing so incessantly in the crate and are like we're not 181 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:31.629 stopping this car for hours, so let's let those fuckers out. And it 182 00:13:31.710 --> 00:13:33.149 was great. The cats just crawled all around the car the whole way to 183 00:13:33.230 --> 00:13:37.710 Louisiana. I loved it. And they're pretty good about, you know, 184 00:13:37.870 --> 00:13:41.700 just chilling on your lap and not getting down by the petals, so it's 185 00:13:41.740 --> 00:13:46.940 good. Yeah, animals and cars were just a mind blowing trip. Yeah, 186 00:13:48.460 --> 00:13:50.620 I know. Going with cats as harder doves is a little bit easier. 187 00:13:50.659 --> 00:13:54.460 I think. What kind of dog is? That sounds pretty big. 188 00:13:54.580 --> 00:13:58.210 He's a Mutt. Yeah, he's a yeah, I think he's a gold 189 00:13:58.250 --> 00:14:01.450 nerd riever mix, but he's a rescue, so it's hard to tell. 190 00:14:01.490 --> 00:14:05.370 Yeah, good for you on the rescue bit. Yeah, well's the only 191 00:14:05.370 --> 00:14:09.159 way to go really. Yeah, I couldn't imagine getting a pet from a 192 00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:13.200 pet store. Oh remember. I don't know how old you are, but 193 00:14:13.240 --> 00:14:16.039 back in the day they used to have actual pet stores in shopping balls, 194 00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:18.159 like indoor shopping balls, with pet stores inside of them. Yeah, I 195 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:26.350 remember. So weird, gross. He was your Gross Funny Story. So 196 00:14:28.309 --> 00:14:33.669 a my friends grandmother brought them home a parakeet that she found at the mall 197 00:14:33.750 --> 00:14:35.870 that had flown away from the pet store. Oh No, found it like 198 00:14:35.990 --> 00:14:41.460 wandering in the ball and she just stuck in nerberd come home gave to them. 199 00:14:41.299 --> 00:14:46.139 It's funny, true. Yeah, too cool. That's probably why they 200 00:14:46.179 --> 00:14:50.980 don't have those inside the males anymore. Yeah, Hey, so what's the 201 00:14:50.059 --> 00:15:01.169 hardest thing you're finding about producing a podcast? Think the just finding the time 202 00:15:01.210 --> 00:15:07.360 to edit, you know. Yeah, a hard something that I'd struggle with, 203 00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:11.080 you know, because I edit mine pretty heavily. I don't think that 204 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:15.080 you have edit yours as much as I do mine, but can you tell? 205 00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:20.639 Because well, you're you know, you're just a lot better at keeping 206 00:15:20.679 --> 00:15:22.710 the conversation going, I think, than I am. But and most of 207 00:15:22.870 --> 00:15:26.830 half mine is just me. So who you know? What I heard today? 208 00:15:26.990 --> 00:15:28.830 I was listening really in my head about it. What I was listening 209 00:15:28.909 --> 00:15:33.590 to podcast today. I was listening to something called ninety nine percent invisible. 210 00:15:35.389 --> 00:15:37.539 I've heard of those. Yeah, that MMMM. It's a good one because 211 00:15:37.580 --> 00:15:41.580 they have like lots of theme music when they're talking about like an art gallery. 212 00:15:41.700 --> 00:15:45.340 They were being very descriptive with the words, but they also have some 213 00:15:45.460 --> 00:15:48.419 really cool mood music in the background. So that was pretty neat. But 214 00:15:50.090 --> 00:15:52.570 yeah, I think it's I like it. That's so far just getting one 215 00:15:52.649 --> 00:15:58.090 person and asking how they how they do what they're doing. That's that's always 216 00:15:58.090 --> 00:16:03.009 interesting to me, because I've never run out of curiosity about what other people 217 00:16:03.009 --> 00:16:06.039 are doing and how they got there, especially once I find out they've got 218 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:10.440 bipolar disorder to start with. What else? What else do you have, 219 00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:15.120 have been diagnosed with, or feel like you have? Well, I have 220 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:19.990 been diagnosed with bipolar. They won't tell me type one or type two, 221 00:16:21.029 --> 00:16:25.629 but I'm pretty sure it's type one and they don't like to commit. Her 222 00:16:25.629 --> 00:16:27.870 lane part right. They don't want to commit because nobody really knows where your 223 00:16:27.950 --> 00:16:33.179 head was when that episode, that qualifying episode, happened. They don't know 224 00:16:33.299 --> 00:16:34.899 exactly where your head was. So you're right, they don't want to call 225 00:16:34.940 --> 00:16:40.019 it one or two sometimes. Yeah, yeah, so I don't know. 226 00:16:40.700 --> 00:16:47.409 Maybe it's the other way specified, who knows? But I they also do 227 00:16:47.610 --> 00:16:56.210 to diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. So that's troubling 228 00:16:56.289 --> 00:17:00.649 effecta yeah, that I have. I have the anxiety myself and I'm certain 229 00:17:00.690 --> 00:17:04.160 I have bpd as well, which is super troubling. That seems like the 230 00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:08.640 biggest not in my head, to unwin. That's not the mood shifts. 231 00:17:08.680 --> 00:17:12.279 After a while you just kind of get numb to mood shifts. I mean 232 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:15.549 you still feel them, but it's like Oh boy, here comes depression, 233 00:17:15.589 --> 00:17:19.470 or Oh boy, or comes mania. But with the personality thing, I'm 234 00:17:19.470 --> 00:17:23.309 always wondering like way, is that me? Am I good person? Sure, 235 00:17:23.430 --> 00:17:29.430 and then you compound that with another layer of emotion and then maybe throwing 236 00:17:29.589 --> 00:17:33.940 some anxiety for good measure. And Yeah, it makes I would just I'm 237 00:17:33.980 --> 00:17:37.140 amazed that things get done at at all by by people that have any sort 238 00:17:37.180 --> 00:17:44.369 of mental disorders. Yeah, it is amazing. I sometimes amazed I make 239 00:17:44.450 --> 00:17:48.329 it to work every day. So you have this function. Yeah, you 240 00:17:48.450 --> 00:17:52.210 sounds like you have family and a pretty close social circle to help you out. 241 00:17:52.730 --> 00:17:57.289 Yeah, well, I have my husband and his two kids and well, 242 00:17:57.640 --> 00:18:03.200 we have them every other weekend and then my family is most of us 243 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:06.559 are pretty close by. I have one sister who lives in Arizona now, 244 00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:12.230 but we're all pretty close by. So it's I I'm lucky because I have 245 00:18:12.349 --> 00:18:17.829 a lot more people in my life that are around to help me then a 246 00:18:17.869 --> 00:18:22.630 lot of people do. So, yeah, I remember that. Sometimes you 247 00:18:22.829 --> 00:18:33.299 wonder if people, if people's bipolar disorder is exacerbated by the fact that so 248 00:18:33.460 --> 00:18:37.140 many people just give up on them and it kind of creates a downward spiral 249 00:18:38.099 --> 00:18:41.529 seven sense, you know what I mean, like, especially if it's not 250 00:18:41.769 --> 00:18:47.329 diagnosed when you're younger, and your family, your friends and your school and 251 00:18:47.369 --> 00:18:51.210 your employees or whatever, employers, if they all just think oh this, 252 00:18:51.490 --> 00:18:53.849 this guy's just an asshole. Fuck this guy you know? Are they? 253 00:18:55.369 --> 00:18:59.559 Then? Finally, and you, especially if you have a personality disorder and 254 00:18:59.960 --> 00:19:03.119 bipolar disorder on top of it, you're not sure why you're being perceived as 255 00:19:03.359 --> 00:19:08.519 that asshole either. So in a way, getting diagnosis somewhat of relief. 256 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:12.029 It's like, Oh, thank God, I'm not an Asshole, I just 257 00:19:12.150 --> 00:19:18.630 have bipolar disorder and personally said you disorder. Did you feel that relief or 258 00:19:18.230 --> 00:19:22.069 did it hit you like a like a train? Well, when I was 259 00:19:22.109 --> 00:19:26.099 first agnus with bipolar disorder, I did not feel any sense really whatsoever. 260 00:19:26.380 --> 00:19:30.299 So you weren't feeling crazy up until then. Like, what can you share? 261 00:19:30.380 --> 00:19:33.500 What prompted you to go to the hospital that last time where you finally 262 00:19:33.900 --> 00:19:45.210 got labeled bipolar? Yeah, well, so I my dog is whistling. 263 00:19:45.690 --> 00:19:52.759 That's a that's a switch. Well, whining, I meant. It just 264 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:56.839 sounds like a whistle. So maybe I'm just daunching the question. Okay, 265 00:19:57.039 --> 00:20:10.710 so I was in a relationship with a girl who started started cheating on me, 266 00:20:10.789 --> 00:20:15.950 blah, blah, blah, and walked and I walked in. Well, 267 00:20:15.990 --> 00:20:19.630 I was having I don't know what I was having with having a some 268 00:20:19.750 --> 00:20:26.140 sort of episode anyway, and I walked in on them. You caught thegether. 269 00:20:26.819 --> 00:20:30.539 That's so, because now you have like a visual that sucks. Sorry, 270 00:20:30.579 --> 00:20:33.700 that happened. Well, you know. Okay, that's a great trigger 271 00:20:33.700 --> 00:20:37.089 if people talk about well, just you bipolar get triggered. Well, you 272 00:20:37.170 --> 00:20:38.930 know, I don't want to say technically yes, but it sure seems like 273 00:20:40.089 --> 00:20:44.809 it from from our perspective. Right, right, yeah, and I mean 274 00:20:44.849 --> 00:20:48.930 I guess I reacted pretty badly and kind of got violent a little bit, 275 00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:55.559 and so I ended up a proper at old spots to me. But okay, 276 00:20:55.599 --> 00:21:00.480 yeah, yeah, well, it wasn't entirely approverate. It was a 277 00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:07.109 little bit more than was necessary. I could have just left, but so 278 00:21:07.390 --> 00:21:11.150 I ended up in the hospital and doctor looks at me and tells, me, 279 00:21:11.869 --> 00:21:14.990 Oh, yeah, your manic right now. I'm like, I don't 280 00:21:14.990 --> 00:21:18.069 know what you're talking about. Wow, what do you mean? I'm not 281 00:21:18.190 --> 00:21:21.779 bupolar. What are you talking about? He's like yeah, no, you're 282 00:21:21.819 --> 00:21:27.539 definitely manic and you're going to stay here for three days. And after that 283 00:21:29.660 --> 00:21:32.700 kind of gotten to therapy. And after I was in therapy for a while, 284 00:21:32.700 --> 00:21:36.890 that's when they diagnosed me with a borderline as well. That are really 285 00:21:36.970 --> 00:21:38.809 take the wind out of your sales here in that. And, by the 286 00:21:38.849 --> 00:21:45.369 way, you get three days in our hotel psych ward. That's is I 287 00:21:45.450 --> 00:21:51.079 mean comparatively, I think it's not as bad as some of the horror stories 288 00:21:51.160 --> 00:21:53.839 that I've heard other people have to go through. Yeah, it's just born. 289 00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:57.240 I mean it was, yeah, so boring. I'm like, you're 290 00:21:57.279 --> 00:22:00.519 trying to bore me out of here, On't you? You try to make 291 00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:03.349 it so bored. I'm just going to say, never mind, I don't 292 00:22:03.390 --> 00:22:07.470 have bipolar never sorry, I'm just kidding. It's so boring, Oh my 293 00:22:07.549 --> 00:22:11.349 God. And then you're also in there with with, you know, bless 294 00:22:11.430 --> 00:22:14.509 them, but you're in there with people that are really sick, like with 295 00:22:14.589 --> 00:22:18.660 schizophrenia, and people that are almost bouncing off the walls and talking to themselves, 296 00:22:18.700 --> 00:22:22.940 and that doesn't help a person with an emotional disorder at all. Like, 297 00:22:22.059 --> 00:22:26.259 I no offense, but that's tripping me out, man. Yeah, 298 00:22:26.500 --> 00:22:30.970 no, that definitely kind of they get you started on some meds, like 299 00:22:32.089 --> 00:22:34.769 some Sarah Weel or some something. To call me down exactly, it was 300 00:22:34.809 --> 00:22:38.170 Sarah. Well, yeah, that's stuff. I had later asked my therapist. 301 00:22:38.170 --> 00:22:41.609 I'm like, what is Sarah Whil really she goes. It's basically a 302 00:22:41.650 --> 00:22:45.880 rhinoceros tranquilizer. Oh, I'm like, well, that explains it, because 303 00:22:45.920 --> 00:22:49.880 that's pretty much what it feels like. I never thought of it that way. 304 00:22:51.240 --> 00:22:52.599 Yeah, sure. Knocking me out, though, does it drive you 305 00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:57.990 crazy as it does me like that? They can only really focus with bipolar 306 00:22:59.029 --> 00:23:03.269 folks on the matic side, any ever. Yeah, I mean that's kind 307 00:23:03.309 --> 00:23:06.430 of the only fun I have. And then they take that away and they 308 00:23:06.509 --> 00:23:11.150 never cured or or deal with it effectively enough to move on to the depression. 309 00:23:11.150 --> 00:23:14.579 At least in my case. It's always been well, let's try a 310 00:23:14.700 --> 00:23:18.660 new and it's psychotic. Let's try a new anti convulsive. Let's try I'm 311 00:23:18.700 --> 00:23:21.980 like, how about a happy pill? Where's that? I have lots of 312 00:23:22.059 --> 00:23:26.619 friends that have happy pills and they seem happy. Wow, why me? 313 00:23:26.859 --> 00:23:30.009 And then it seems like a person now that the personality defect comes in and 314 00:23:30.089 --> 00:23:33.609 you think the world's after you because only you can't get the happy bill. 315 00:23:36.170 --> 00:23:41.640 Yeah, nope. The her part is I think when you have just the 316 00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:47.319 bpd and the bipolar, you don't always the symptoms are kind of similar. 317 00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:52.200 Sometimes. Yeah, they will. They mingle together like a DNA strand not, 318 00:23:52.359 --> 00:23:55.440 I don't yeah, like as a Pun, but I mean just usually 319 00:23:55.480 --> 00:23:57.750 I think very visually and when I think of those two disorders I think of 320 00:23:57.829 --> 00:24:03.109 DNA or really twisted pretzel or a Gordian nod or something, because they seem 321 00:24:03.230 --> 00:24:08.029 to coexist a lot. Yeah, they do, so to tell. And 322 00:24:08.109 --> 00:24:14.859 they've confused the Medisin Gang, you know, because people with bipolar disorder often 323 00:24:14.940 --> 00:24:21.460 use bpd as the initials for bipolar disorder. It's further complicates the matter and 324 00:24:21.579 --> 00:24:25.490 I've gotten called pieces of Shit and all kinds of nasty names for simply sorting 325 00:24:25.569 --> 00:24:30.849 that out in facebook support groups and like BP. BP is blood pressure, 326 00:24:30.769 --> 00:24:37.809 bed is bipolar disorder. BPD is borderline personality disorder, and they're like like 327 00:24:37.450 --> 00:24:41.160 fuck, you fucking know it all. How there you come in here and 328 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:42.880 tell us what's right, like you're on some high horse. I'm like, 329 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:45.880 Oh, this is not a support group. You're hurting my feelings now, 330 00:24:47.160 --> 00:24:52.720 yeah, really, Geez whatever. But I'm like an Ari's and I'm also 331 00:24:52.799 --> 00:24:56.509 like a in the Myers Briggs of like an EANTJ's tie. So I'm like 332 00:24:56.750 --> 00:25:02.430 the exact opposite. For me, I'm like very rare come into a room 333 00:25:02.509 --> 00:25:07.339 and just jump into stuff. So I get the blowback, but not in 334 00:25:07.460 --> 00:25:11.660 that case, because it's I think it's important to like to be specific, 335 00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:14.740 especially in these two cases. Are Not trying to be flipping about it either, 336 00:25:14.819 --> 00:25:19.019 but because neither ones really curable. One you can take medicine for the 337 00:25:19.140 --> 00:25:22.490 other one you can get therapy for both. You can get there before. 338 00:25:22.970 --> 00:25:27.890 But yeah, the personality disorder seems really disturbing. I'm more disturbed about that 339 00:25:29.170 --> 00:25:33.130 diagnosis of myself than I am of the bipolar disorder. What about you? 340 00:25:34.609 --> 00:25:38.000 Yeah, well, it's a harder one to deal with it because it's more 341 00:25:38.359 --> 00:25:45.640 I mean bipolar disorder stigmatize bit boarding. Personality disorder even more so, at 342 00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:49.950 least as far as my experience goes, because people always want to put you 343 00:25:51.269 --> 00:25:57.950 pitcheonhole you in the you know, the fatal attraction type hole, and it's 344 00:25:59.190 --> 00:26:03.269 the yeah, if you tell somebody that you have beatty, better make sure 345 00:26:03.390 --> 00:26:07.299 that they are on your side. Oh Man, yeah, they will. 346 00:26:07.460 --> 00:26:10.339 Well, because a lot of people read up on it and one of the 347 00:26:10.460 --> 00:26:17.819 first specific personality disorders they'll get to after borderline, is narcissism. Is Narcissistic. 348 00:26:17.940 --> 00:26:21.049 Yeah, now disorder and then the start thinking, oh, that's right, 349 00:26:21.250 --> 00:26:25.009 see, you do act like trump and are like what worded I come 350 00:26:25.089 --> 00:26:32.769 from, and not that it's so it's so bad. But that's another thing 351 00:26:32.849 --> 00:26:37.039 that that just really trips me out is mental illness in the public pop culture 352 00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:42.599 domain. HMM. Yeah, it's like who really has it? Who's jumping 353 00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:48.430 on the bandwagon? What do we do about those that kill themselves? There's 354 00:26:48.470 --> 00:26:52.869 so many, you know, so many angles. Do you promote a suicidal 355 00:26:52.950 --> 00:26:56.430 celebrity because now we can talk about it, or do you think it actually 356 00:26:56.829 --> 00:27:02.420 encourages more suicides? There's yeah, there's so many controversial ways to carve that 357 00:27:02.579 --> 00:27:06.099 piece up. I don't even know where to begin. Yeah, I know, 358 00:27:06.380 --> 00:27:11.019 especially with Chester Bennington. And Yeah, I was just thinking that I 359 00:27:11.099 --> 00:27:14.500 watched that concert from last night. It was really good. Oh Yeah, 360 00:27:14.740 --> 00:27:18.529 yeah, they shot a concert at the Hollywood bowl with everybody from the Hollywood 361 00:27:18.529 --> 00:27:22.410 rock scene was there and they played all their old songs and the audience sang 362 00:27:22.650 --> 00:27:26.769 in the end. They sang. All jesters, aren't the whole audience there? 363 00:27:26.809 --> 00:27:30.200 It came out so nice, oh my gosh. Yeah, at and 364 00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:33.000 it's still up on their website, so it's free. You just watch the 365 00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:34.799 whole conversation. Check it out. Yeah, you'll dig it. But that 366 00:27:34.920 --> 00:27:37.880 was heartbreaking because that was my like divorce song, like in the end, 367 00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:41.759 when I first got divorce or my wife left, being whatever, that was 368 00:27:41.880 --> 00:27:45.430 like the song that I was like, that was my sad song, and 369 00:27:45.509 --> 00:27:49.190 then it became thus sad song for my divorce. So when it kind of 370 00:27:49.269 --> 00:27:53.109 came full circle when he took his own life by suicide, I'm like, 371 00:27:53.190 --> 00:27:57.029 Oh, Whoa, that's heavy. Matt and Chris Cornell, that whole thinks. 372 00:27:57.190 --> 00:28:00.859 I'm I just have a like a rock background generally speaking. So those 373 00:28:00.900 --> 00:28:06.420 were kind of the guys that were five, ten years older than me that 374 00:28:06.539 --> 00:28:11.180 I looked up to, and and here they go taking the back door out 375 00:28:11.380 --> 00:28:15.450 see you. It's really hard. Yeah, it's hard to talk about sometimes. 376 00:28:15.809 --> 00:28:22.089 Yeah, it is, and I don't know whether or not talking about 377 00:28:22.089 --> 00:28:25.730 it, I mean talking about it. It's got to be helpful, but 378 00:28:26.849 --> 00:28:33.519 is it like glorifying you? They they're already larger than my figures. Is 379 00:28:33.559 --> 00:28:38.400 it glrifying to talk about their suicide? You know what I mean? Yeah, 380 00:28:38.599 --> 00:28:41.589 no, I totally do, but I'm making any sense. No, 381 00:28:41.829 --> 00:28:45.269 I that's where is the line? Like it or can you be on both 382 00:28:45.390 --> 00:28:52.470 sides? Because there's scientific data that shows every time you start reporting on more 383 00:28:52.509 --> 00:28:59.299 suicides, more suicides occur. Right, that's there. But when somebody that 384 00:28:59.420 --> 00:29:02.539 already is a celebrity, you're not going to be able to duck and dodge 385 00:29:02.660 --> 00:29:06.700 the TMZ's of the world. They're always going to be out there promoting it. 386 00:29:07.380 --> 00:29:11.329 Maybe it is better to take control over the messaging and do your family's 387 00:29:11.369 --> 00:29:17.690 suicide the best way you can. You know what I mean, because I 388 00:29:17.730 --> 00:29:25.200 know Bennington's wife and his son seemed to be really kind of assertive out there 389 00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:30.119 on twitter about the whole thing, and I think that's great and what awesome 390 00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:33.680 way to handle grief, you know, with you know, thousands or hundreds 391 00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:37.440 of thousands of other people sharing it and sharing their own stories. So it's 392 00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:40.750 kind of in the same way what we're doing. We have our own burdens, 393 00:29:40.910 --> 00:29:44.710 which happens to be our disorders, and now their burden is the death 394 00:29:44.710 --> 00:29:47.950 of a loved one by suicide. So yeah, I guess it gets back 395 00:29:47.950 --> 00:29:52.309 down to you can't really knock people for for living out there their thing, 396 00:29:52.509 --> 00:29:57.660 their own way. Yeah, yeah, that's true. So what's on the 397 00:29:57.740 --> 00:30:02.140 horizon? For Your podcast. You're going to keep doing it. She's doing 398 00:30:02.180 --> 00:30:06.220 all right. Huh. Yeah, yeah, and myself. Yeah, that 399 00:30:06.339 --> 00:30:08.529 she seemed pretty strong in the video that she did a bit. She talked 400 00:30:08.569 --> 00:30:14.490 after after a couple songs. Yeah, anyway. So, yeah, what 401 00:30:14.529 --> 00:30:17.730 are you doing with your podcast? Like what's on the horizon? You're going 402 00:30:17.730 --> 00:30:22.000 to keep having more guests and sharing more stories. Yeah, well, I 403 00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:26.440 think that, like having guess, is going to be my focus, or 404 00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:29.559 it's going to I'm going to try to make you make it my focus, 405 00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:33.599 as long as people, when it come talk to me and and then just 406 00:30:33.960 --> 00:30:37.750 sharing a little bit of current events. I think that's where I'm going to 407 00:30:37.829 --> 00:30:44.789 stay with it, because I think like the personal stories are I go back 408 00:30:44.829 --> 00:30:49.539 and forth, or like I feel like they help people my you know, 409 00:30:49.859 --> 00:30:53.859 letting other people know that they're not alone and things like that, and then 410 00:30:55.380 --> 00:30:57.460 sometimes I wonder, though, is it it's helpless? I think it is, 411 00:31:00.259 --> 00:31:03.650 like I guess. Well, here's the thought about it, because I 412 00:31:03.690 --> 00:31:07.009 think you're right. I think it is very helpful to hear that you're not 413 00:31:07.170 --> 00:31:11.089 alone, right, and but then how many times will great one to hear 414 00:31:11.210 --> 00:31:17.250 that if they're a regular listener? So then I look back, just like 415 00:31:17.329 --> 00:31:19.440 the development of some of these facebook groups, and I see that they add 416 00:31:19.559 --> 00:31:23.559 like two or three hundred people a day. Not that our podcast add two 417 00:31:23.599 --> 00:31:26.319 or three hundred listeners a day, but if they got to that point, 418 00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:30.960 then I think it would be okay to be somewhat redundant because you're catching new 419 00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:34.430 people all the time that just found out. Like the imagine that hundreds of 420 00:31:34.470 --> 00:31:38.950 people or thousands of people each day are just finding out they have bipolar disorder 421 00:31:38.950 --> 00:31:44.349 or borderline or you know anything. That's that's amazing to me and I tend 422 00:31:44.349 --> 00:31:47.380 to forget that because I've been, you know, trying to manage it for 423 00:31:47.539 --> 00:31:49.740 so long that there are always going to be brand new people. They are 424 00:31:49.819 --> 00:31:53.019 freaking out like, Oh my God, what I do? Is this medicine 425 00:31:53.059 --> 00:31:59.420 dangerous? How will I feel? What happens to my life? So man 426 00:31:59.660 --> 00:32:02.849 right, get on a tangent. Yeah, so I would have tried to 427 00:32:02.890 --> 00:32:07.809 focus on people, other, other mental health people like ourselves that are creating 428 00:32:07.849 --> 00:32:13.890 things tend yeah, I tell you, slipped in the beds really awesome. 429 00:32:13.930 --> 00:32:16.319 Yeah, I did. That was by accident. But so you create a 430 00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:21.680 podcast and Diane wrote a book and Jason made a movie. So as long 431 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:24.279 as a stay on that tip, that should be pretty interesting, I think. 432 00:32:27.559 --> 00:32:30.470 But what? So gonna try to get sorry, go ahead, no, 433 00:32:30.630 --> 00:32:34.230 no, go ahead. I'm looking at how much I talk versus how 434 00:32:34.269 --> 00:32:38.549 much you talk, and my meter is so much more red than yours, 435 00:32:39.509 --> 00:32:45.140 so you have to talk more. Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I 436 00:32:45.380 --> 00:32:50.339 have too much. I know it's well, that's okay, because we're talking 437 00:32:50.380 --> 00:32:54.059 about the the Myers Briggs and it's it's funny because your says almost exactly the 438 00:32:54.180 --> 00:32:58.539 opposite of mine. I'm IINFP and you're like, Oh yeah, well, 439 00:32:58.650 --> 00:33:04.930 the other start other side of a quadrant. Totally. That's funny. So 440 00:33:05.049 --> 00:33:08.529 I'll let you talk. Is What did you want? But that, I 441 00:33:08.769 --> 00:33:12.880 was going to say. Yeah, I think that I'm going to try and 442 00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:19.759 get some people on the podcast who are like providers, like mental health writers, 443 00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:24.119 to and try to balance it out somewhat so that's not always actual professional 444 00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:30.230 somebody right Pol there. Yeah, that's a good idea. Like, oh 445 00:33:30.349 --> 00:33:32.150 my gosh, my dog. Yeah, the dog agrees. That was the 446 00:33:32.269 --> 00:33:47.220 bark of agreement. You think my husband would help me out and runs interference. 447 00:33:47.339 --> 00:33:51.900 But no, no, this actually all adds for flavor for the PODCAST, 448 00:33:52.059 --> 00:33:54.769 because the talk of the husband helping you, that the dog barking on 449 00:33:54.809 --> 00:33:58.970 Q. That's perfect, that's great. That's podcast cold, you know, 450 00:33:59.609 --> 00:34:00.609 is it? Yeah, I think so. I don't know, I'm making 451 00:34:00.650 --> 00:34:02.650 this up as I go. I just I know what I like to hear 452 00:34:02.849 --> 00:34:07.409 at that that's actually real. I almost recorded this podcast from outside where we've 453 00:34:07.409 --> 00:34:12.239 got squirrels and bears running around, but there's also a car traffic, so 454 00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:15.199 I'm like, yeah, right, but and bears don't make a noise, 455 00:34:15.239 --> 00:34:17.920 so I kind of diminished that fun. I was going to ask. Oh, 456 00:34:19.000 --> 00:34:22.239 I mean they do, but you don't want to hear it. Yeah, 457 00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:25.949 the sound of their teeth on your skull crushing it. Okay, here's 458 00:34:25.989 --> 00:34:31.469 something I would be totally remiss if I didn't ask, because I'm me. 459 00:34:32.590 --> 00:34:39.219 Okay, so on the bio for that be would it says? I'm not 460 00:34:39.300 --> 00:34:43.739 reading it directly, but it says something about you covered talk topics, including 461 00:34:43.860 --> 00:34:49.019 sexuality. Let's talk about that because, yeah, nobody ever talks about sexuality, 462 00:34:49.179 --> 00:34:52.329 almost in a way like Oh, you crazy people should not be breeding. 463 00:34:53.010 --> 00:34:57.090 That's the feeling I get. But tell me, tell me what you 464 00:34:57.369 --> 00:35:00.769 guys cover on your show? And have you had some guests that specifically talked 465 00:35:00.809 --> 00:35:07.800 about that? I haven't. I have somebody on deck who is a mother 466 00:35:08.039 --> 00:35:15.119 to two kids. Who are you who are gender fluid. So that, 467 00:35:15.239 --> 00:35:19.599 I think, is going to be my part sexuality topic. That's going to 468 00:35:19.639 --> 00:35:22.949 be interesting. How old are the kids? Do you know? One is 469 00:35:23.750 --> 00:35:28.269 in college now. I think she's twenty and the other one, I believe, 470 00:35:28.469 --> 00:35:32.349 is fifteen or sixteen, something like that. That should be fascinated because 471 00:35:32.469 --> 00:35:37.340 I was just talking about yeah, the Wakowski brothers to my friend, you 472 00:35:37.420 --> 00:35:43.579 know, the guys who made the Matrix, who both are now women. 473 00:35:43.699 --> 00:35:49.940 They both transferred. I found that amazing. It's really interesting. Yeah, 474 00:35:50.050 --> 00:35:52.489 so like wow, is it environment? Is it? Is it, you 475 00:35:52.610 --> 00:35:57.889 know, genetic makeup for for then I think definitely some genetics in there. 476 00:35:57.929 --> 00:36:00.650 But I'm no professional, but it's gonna be some genetic component to it. 477 00:36:01.090 --> 00:36:05.519 You know, I have so many some genetic, just bro Dude kind of 478 00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:07.639 friends and the only way I can explain it to them is like out of 479 00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:12.360 a freaky Friday movie and I'm like, dude, lay down on the bed 480 00:36:12.920 --> 00:36:17.710 now, imagine you woke up with boobs and a vagina, and they're like 481 00:36:17.829 --> 00:36:21.590 like me now. I'm like like you now, your penis is gone, 482 00:36:21.989 --> 00:36:23.789 you've got a vagina, you got boobs. What do you do next? 483 00:36:25.829 --> 00:36:30.429 I'm like exactly, imagine waking up like that every fucking day, man. 484 00:36:30.150 --> 00:36:34.059 And because they're like oh well, that's different, I'm like how's it different, 485 00:36:34.059 --> 00:36:37.340 dude, and like well, I'm bored this way, and they start 486 00:36:37.380 --> 00:36:42.659 to get lost in some logic. Less are argument. So anyway, that 487 00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:46.369 should be fascinating. I look forward to here in that one. Yeah, 488 00:36:46.409 --> 00:36:51.250 yeah, I think so. And you know I'm bisexual, so that's kind 489 00:36:51.250 --> 00:36:57.809 of I'm buy everything. So that's part of what I'm trying to hope to 490 00:36:58.530 --> 00:37:04.039 cover a little bit. Just like, yeah, Inter section of Sexuality and 491 00:37:04.480 --> 00:37:07.480 Mental Health and and all of that. It is because it all kind of 492 00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:14.079 leads to that term that I love called neuro diverse, and I think they're 493 00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:16.710 all kind of the same way. We just looking at life differently doesn't inherently 494 00:37:16.869 --> 00:37:22.070 make us bad, and I'm not entirely sold on the idea that looking at 495 00:37:22.150 --> 00:37:27.309 life differently means we have a disorder either. So that I'm always going to 496 00:37:27.389 --> 00:37:30.659 bat for that idea, like well, just because those people say we have 497 00:37:30.780 --> 00:37:35.300 a disorder. All all conclude that bipolar is a good adjective for the way 498 00:37:35.340 --> 00:37:40.099 I feel when my moods swing, but I'm not sold that that feeling is 499 00:37:40.340 --> 00:37:46.250 necessarily a bad thing or not an evolutionary step in the human kind of existence. 500 00:37:46.730 --> 00:37:51.449 Maybe, maybe we're advanced, I don't know. Just because they haven't 501 00:37:51.489 --> 00:37:54.050 caught up, why are they calling US disordered? You know, I love 502 00:37:54.130 --> 00:38:00.199 getting in that kind of philosophical ideal. So yeah, I I think. 503 00:38:00.559 --> 00:38:07.280 I think about it sometimes like is, as far as like survival goes, 504 00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:15.550 I feel like people who are more sensitive or who, like us, have 505 00:38:19.030 --> 00:38:22.510 have more emotions. I guess I don't know. Yeah, I think repressive 506 00:38:22.550 --> 00:38:30.500 to their surroundings are probably, you know, better equipped to survive and a 507 00:38:32.099 --> 00:38:37.099 prehistoric type world where we didn't have cell phones and starbucks and all that. 508 00:38:37.699 --> 00:38:42.210 Right. Yeah, it's like the opposite. Our skills are good for the 509 00:38:42.329 --> 00:38:45.849 opposite of capitalism, in the capitalist world, right, our skills are like 510 00:38:49.570 --> 00:38:52.329 but yeah, I think you're right. And the way I likened it is 511 00:38:52.449 --> 00:38:58.760 like a bipolar disordered brain. It's kind of like a very sensitive scientific device 512 00:38:58.880 --> 00:39:02.079 that looks awesome in a room. It's super sensitive. It has a wider 513 00:39:02.119 --> 00:39:07.000 range of all these things, but you can't really take it outside and use 514 00:39:07.039 --> 00:39:13.190 it in the real world because you'll break it. All the all that dynamic 515 00:39:13.269 --> 00:39:19.349 energy in the real world will actually break this very sensitive and valuable device called 516 00:39:19.429 --> 00:39:22.070 the bipolar brain. Anyway, yeah, I know, I kind of get 517 00:39:22.309 --> 00:39:24.179 I like it to look at it. Well, I like to think that 518 00:39:24.260 --> 00:39:28.099 we're kind of superheroes, that we just haven't figured out how to harness it 519 00:39:28.179 --> 00:39:31.260 yet. We should. There should be like a Xmen Academy for people with 520 00:39:31.619 --> 00:39:36.860 certain mental disorders, if not all of the right disorders. Yeah, and 521 00:39:36.980 --> 00:39:39.170 then we could find out what's truly disorder and what's not. So, you 522 00:39:39.289 --> 00:39:45.289 know, give a few years with nanotechnology, AI development in the medical fields 523 00:39:45.369 --> 00:39:47.050 and all that sort of thing and we might get to the bottom of this 524 00:39:47.170 --> 00:39:52.809 eventually. So, you know, then we could stop using cartoon memes for 525 00:39:52.960 --> 00:40:00.360 our podcast twitter accounts. Yeah, could be certain CAPES and lead hearts. 526 00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:06.039 That's funny, cool, cool. All right. Anything else you want to 527 00:40:06.039 --> 00:40:10.909 talk about? I don't think. So. You got anything to promote? 528 00:40:12.389 --> 00:40:16.630 I'm good. I think you should promote your twitter handle more. I do 529 00:40:16.829 --> 00:40:22.019 have a twitter. It's at that B word one, the numeral one, 530 00:40:22.579 --> 00:40:25.579 not spilled out but one. And then I have my podcast, that B 531 00:40:25.739 --> 00:40:30.500 word, and you can find that pretty much everywhere, their podcasts. So, 532 00:40:30.659 --> 00:40:32.820 yeah, you got up into the ITUNES, into that. Who Do 533 00:40:32.860 --> 00:40:36.170 you use? The hose, got in the Itunes, got in the stitcher. 534 00:40:36.210 --> 00:40:40.090 HMM. Who Do you use to host your podcast? Oh, I 535 00:40:40.170 --> 00:40:45.530 use a blue host and then I use wordpress. Oh yeah, yeah, 536 00:40:45.530 --> 00:40:49.289 it's complicated. Yeah, you're pretty tecntical, but that's complicated. It's yeah, 537 00:40:49.329 --> 00:40:52.840 it's complicated enough to turn a lot of people away. So good for 538 00:40:52.920 --> 00:40:55.320 you. That's yeah, not the simplest way to go. And it looks 539 00:40:55.320 --> 00:41:02.480 good, sounds good. Let's filly. Actually it's more satisfying. So I 540 00:41:02.519 --> 00:41:08.949 guess it would be more filling, cooling or I don't know. Well, 541 00:41:09.550 --> 00:41:13.909 I'd like to check in with you in a few weeks to see how things 542 00:41:13.909 --> 00:41:16.909 are going. I really appreciate you coming on the show and I appreciate your 543 00:41:16.949 --> 00:41:22.460 podcast and I look forward to the upcoming episode with the Gender Fluid Kids. 544 00:41:23.460 --> 00:41:27.900 Yeah, I'm really open forwarded to it too, and will be a good 545 00:41:27.940 --> 00:41:31.300 episode. Cool, cool, I'm hoping to learn enough. I'm hoping to 546 00:41:31.300 --> 00:41:36.130 learn a lot myself. So yeah, that would be great. So excellent. 547 00:41:36.210 --> 00:41:39.489 Okay, come back at any time and we'll get this broadcasted out to 548 00:41:39.570 --> 00:41:43.969 the twitter world and we'll start sharing about because I'm really like to get some 549 00:41:44.130 --> 00:41:47.239 crossover audience happening and I think it's great. I think we started roughly about 550 00:41:47.239 --> 00:41:52.880 the same time, like after summer, right, I think so. I 551 00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:55.360 think you might have had been a week a little bit before me. Yeah, 552 00:41:55.400 --> 00:41:59.599 put your Beta upside out before it then. Yeah, now that's really 553 00:41:59.639 --> 00:42:00.750 neat. So it's cool to watch each other grow. I appreciate that. 554 00:42:04.349 --> 00:42:07.150 Yeah, awesome. Okay, well, cool. Well, tell the husband 555 00:42:07.150 --> 00:42:13.429 and kids high, tell the dog. We appreciate the input and we'll talk 556 00:42:13.469 --> 00:42:16.139 to you real soon. So thanks again for coming on by polar style. 557 00:42:19.260 --> 00:42:22.659 All right, thank you. Cool. So I would I'll cut there. 558 00:42:22.940 --> 00:42:25.300 We're done, but I don't know if I stop the record, but I'll 559 00:42:25.340 --> 00:42:30.210 probably hang up on you. But that's cool. That's awesome. Yeah, 560 00:42:30.530 --> 00:42:35.170 so that explodes a lot. So, yeah, you few are the opposite 561 00:42:35.289 --> 00:42:37.369 of me. What's your son signed then? Like your astrology? Yeah, 562 00:42:39.250 --> 00:42:44.050 Leo, Oh, no, we were matched. There were both fire signs. 563 00:42:44.050 --> 00:42:50.039 I'm at areas. Yeah, that that explains that part. Okay, 564 00:42:50.119 --> 00:42:52.760 well, good. So cool. That's why your leader, that's why you 565 00:42:52.840 --> 00:42:55.079 put the podcast together. You're like a Leo. You're like I'm in charge 566 00:42:55.119 --> 00:43:00.630 of some shit over here. My Kids Mom was Leo. My roommate currently 567 00:43:00.829 --> 00:43:05.550 is a Lilo. My best friend in life was a Leo. Good Company. 568 00:43:06.150 --> 00:43:07.909 I never met it. Introverted Leo, though. It's weird that you're 569 00:43:08.110 --> 00:43:14.980 I in. Yeah, it is weird. M Yeah, can't help it 570 00:43:15.139 --> 00:43:17.059 because I've tried to. I've tried to keep taking that test over the years 571 00:43:17.099 --> 00:43:22.539 the hope it would change, because I want to be an introvert. But 572 00:43:22.739 --> 00:43:28.289 nope, I'm just a shy extrovert with an anxiety disorder. That's all says. 573 00:43:29.010 --> 00:43:31.730 It's the worst of all worlds. Yeah, all right, I don't 574 00:43:31.730 --> 00:43:35.449 know. Maybe I'm not in for it, maybe I'm just always anxious, 575 00:43:35.489 --> 00:43:39.849 but maybe just a bad test taker. Yeah, that could be hit. 576 00:43:40.369 --> 00:43:45.280 Yeah, yeah, awesome, awesome. If you liked what you've heard, 577 00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:52.880 subscribe on Apple Podcast by Itunes and join us at my color stylecom. Thanks 578 00:43:52.920 --> 00:43:52.360 Bill. It's