Recent articles/ Show how to support loved ones/ In times of crisis

WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.919 --> 00:00:12.269 Good Mornad what's up? It's about nine in the morning, about to head 2 00:00:12.310 --> 00:00:17.829 off to my new job and I wanted to kind of do a split podcast, 3 00:00:17.989 --> 00:00:22.620 like check my mood in the morning and then check it again when I 4 00:00:22.660 --> 00:00:26.339 get home, or if I don't have the energy or intention when I get 5 00:00:26.379 --> 00:00:29.699 home, I'll just post whatever I have right here. So I woke up. 6 00:00:29.739 --> 00:00:34.700 You ever wake up in a panic? I get morning panic. It's 7 00:00:34.740 --> 00:00:38.890 where you wake up and you're okay this. It's like I sound sleep, 8 00:00:39.810 --> 00:00:42.490 but the moment I start to awake, my brain kicks in. I'm in 9 00:00:42.530 --> 00:00:46.649 a panic, like I don't I just want to hide, don't want to 10 00:00:46.689 --> 00:00:51.600 face the world. It's overwhelming, it's weird. It's like it's like on 11 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:55.560 heavy drugs. I don't know, but it drugs, heavy drugs that I've 12 00:00:55.600 --> 00:00:58.880 never even done. I don't know if you've never had a panic attack, 13 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:03.079 it as fucked up. A panic attack sometimes feels like you're having a heart 14 00:01:03.120 --> 00:01:07.549 attack if you don't know the difference. And a lot of times people will 15 00:01:07.670 --> 00:01:11.430 think they're having a heart attack and go to the hospital and half their heart 16 00:01:11.469 --> 00:01:15.709 checked out to find out that it was, quote unquote, just a panic 17 00:01:15.750 --> 00:01:19.060 attack. Feels the same. But anyway, once you know that your hearts 18 00:01:19.099 --> 00:01:23.939 fine and you know that it's a panic attack, then you typically remember, 19 00:01:23.019 --> 00:01:26.900 Oh, to panic attack, it's not that bad. It's still bad, 20 00:01:26.939 --> 00:01:29.459 but it's not as bad as a heart attack. You know what I mean? 21 00:01:30.420 --> 00:01:33.609 Yeah, so I wake up feeling like that, get out of the 22 00:01:33.689 --> 00:01:40.730 shower, clean up subsides a little bit. I'm still just feeling I don't 23 00:01:40.730 --> 00:01:46.090 know, feeling abandoned, like is when people don't feel well or having mental 24 00:01:46.170 --> 00:01:49.239 health issues, normally there's others around them to support them and help them do 25 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:53.519 stuff, and that does not exist as it existed for a long time. 26 00:01:55.439 --> 00:02:00.469 For me that it's sporadic at best and haphazard, kind of a patchwork, 27 00:02:00.590 --> 00:02:07.790 like some people have entire families and friends of you know, networked together that 28 00:02:07.829 --> 00:02:13.430 actually talk together to help that individual. I've got a bunch of loose knit 29 00:02:13.550 --> 00:02:21.419 individuals who don't really reach out on any regularity or anything like that. So 30 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:24.979 I feel just out in space alone, and sometimes I don't even care that 31 00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:27.860 I'm out in space alone. I'm like, will fuck it, what, 32 00:02:28.180 --> 00:02:30.770 why exist at all if this is all that's going to be? That's how 33 00:02:31.810 --> 00:02:37.050 that's how the suicidal ideation starts. Honestly, it's like why even exist if 34 00:02:37.129 --> 00:02:39.889 this is all that there is? And people say, well, it's not 35 00:02:40.050 --> 00:02:44.960 all there is, well fuck I am, you know, really good at 36 00:02:45.000 --> 00:02:49.039 trying new things over and over, trying a new thing, see if it 37 00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:51.960 works, you know, give it a chance to work, move on to 38 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:54.840 a different thing. Try that, because you have to strike the balance between 39 00:02:57.120 --> 00:03:02.030 trying to live a stable life and developing those routines and also, if that 40 00:03:02.270 --> 00:03:06.590 does not work, you have to be able to move to the next thing, 41 00:03:06.669 --> 00:03:07.830 to try to find something in your life that works. And I think 42 00:03:07.870 --> 00:03:12.550 I've had a pretty decent balance of both of those, but I still haven't 43 00:03:13.020 --> 00:03:15.300 found what I'm looking for, so to speak. Like the you two song 44 00:03:16.060 --> 00:03:19.020 people think, well, what, maybe you don't know what you're looking for. 45 00:03:19.139 --> 00:03:20.939 You A fucking A. I know what I'm looking for. I'm looking 46 00:03:20.939 --> 00:03:23.500 for companionship, someone to just hang out with that understands me or, if 47 00:03:23.620 --> 00:03:29.610 not, understands me, let's me be me without trying to undermine my persona, 48 00:03:29.770 --> 00:03:31.689 my personality and try to tell me that my person is just wrong. 49 00:03:32.889 --> 00:03:38.210 That's not that's completely I don't know. It's cruel, like you can't just 50 00:03:38.289 --> 00:03:43.560 tell somebody that I don't like you because you so I live a lonely life 51 00:03:43.599 --> 00:03:46.560 and I go out into the world and work and people in my work life 52 00:03:46.599 --> 00:03:51.479 thinks I'm a normal person. So I put on my little costume and pretend 53 00:03:51.560 --> 00:03:57.030 I'm a work in person and do that. It's not really me. It's 54 00:03:57.150 --> 00:03:59.509 weird. I feel like I live a life where I never actually get to 55 00:03:59.629 --> 00:04:03.590 be me. I was reading an article about what to do if you're a 56 00:04:03.750 --> 00:04:09.069 loved one, how to talk to loved ones when you are worried about their 57 00:04:09.110 --> 00:04:12.620 mental health. So it's kind of reading through and see if any of these 58 00:04:12.699 --> 00:04:18.019 things sound right. The one that sounded the most right was stay connected. 59 00:04:19.740 --> 00:04:26.170 So the main tips in the article were first, pay at and pay attention 60 00:04:26.250 --> 00:04:30.529 to your loved ones. If you love something, pay attention to it and 61 00:04:30.769 --> 00:04:34.209 do what you can. Just goes on to tell the different ways to pay 62 00:04:34.250 --> 00:04:38.449 attention and it mentions, you know, pay attention to things you see, 63 00:04:40.279 --> 00:04:44.040 but also pay attention to things that you don't see, like if you don't 64 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:46.759 see them showing up for work or if you don't see them brushing their hair 65 00:04:46.920 --> 00:04:50.040 or washing their clothes, if they look disheveled, you know there's if there's 66 00:04:50.040 --> 00:05:00.110 things missing or if you see unusual behavior. That's the lifted ID. I've 67 00:05:00.149 --> 00:05:09.500 been podcasting with the neuro stimulation thing on my head. That's it, let's 68 00:05:09.540 --> 00:05:15.579 take it off. The next thing is to normalize conversations about mental health, 69 00:05:17.300 --> 00:05:20.970 which is what I'm trying to do here basically. I mean that's why this 70 00:05:21.170 --> 00:05:28.449 subtitle of the show is making mental mainstream. Hello, but yeah, that's 71 00:05:28.449 --> 00:05:30.170 it's it's a two way street. Like, I can't be the only one 72 00:05:30.290 --> 00:05:36.240 trying to make conversations about mental health mainstream and normal if all of my friends 73 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:42.360 and family ignore me. Another tip is don't be afraid to talk about self 74 00:05:42.399 --> 00:05:46.800 harm or suicide. There's been several studies that show that that does not make 75 00:05:46.879 --> 00:05:51.350 it more likely for the person to complete suicide. So don't don't worry about 76 00:05:51.350 --> 00:05:55.069 it. oftentimes it just opens it up and lets them know it's okay to 77 00:05:55.149 --> 00:06:00.910 talk about and helps them release those feelings. And then explain why you're concerned. 78 00:06:00.949 --> 00:06:03.980 Like be specific. If you see somebody in distress that you love, 79 00:06:05.100 --> 00:06:09.220 be specific. Say Hey, I noticed you walk like way slower than you 80 00:06:09.379 --> 00:06:13.100 usually walk, or you don't. You don't look me in the eyes. 81 00:06:13.139 --> 00:06:16.420 As much anymore. What's going on, those kind of things, and try 82 00:06:16.500 --> 00:06:19.769 not to make it about you. It's not all about you. Just ask 83 00:06:20.089 --> 00:06:26.889 specific questions about their behavior. Tell them you notice things about them and what 84 00:06:27.050 --> 00:06:30.170 I think. The last thing in this article is it basically know how you 85 00:06:30.290 --> 00:06:33.199 can help. A lot of people want to help and don't know how. 86 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:39.519 Trying to think what would be helpful for me if somebody came over here to 87 00:06:39.639 --> 00:06:43.680 my house, put me in their car and drove me to a hospital, 88 00:06:43.720 --> 00:06:47.189 check me in with the doctor, make sure I was seen by the doctor, 89 00:06:47.230 --> 00:06:51.470 leave me there if I need to be checked in and check in on 90 00:06:51.589 --> 00:06:56.829 me a little bit later, or take me to the pharmacy and get some 91 00:06:57.029 --> 00:07:01.259 medication or whatever the doctor prescribed for me and kind of hang out with me 92 00:07:01.420 --> 00:07:04.259 for maybe a couple more hours. So we're talking like a whole day. 93 00:07:04.379 --> 00:07:11.100 It's pretty much it's a long commitment, but it's I'm being specific. That's 94 00:07:11.100 --> 00:07:15.100 what would help me. What doesn't help me is telling me to do things 95 00:07:15.139 --> 00:07:19.769 I already know how to do, that I've already tried and since most of 96 00:07:19.810 --> 00:07:23.410 the people that tried to offer help don't pay attention to me normally, they 97 00:07:23.449 --> 00:07:27.009 don't know I've already tried these things, so that gets annoying and it almost 98 00:07:27.009 --> 00:07:33.120 feels like I'm being gas lighted. Call the self helpline. Call the suicide 99 00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:36.199 hotline. Did you call this organization? Did you call that one? Yes, 100 00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:40.319 yes, yes, yes, of course I fucking I'm an adult, 101 00:07:40.319 --> 00:07:43.199 I'm a human. I have to fucking Internet. I can look up phone 102 00:07:43.240 --> 00:07:46.029 numbers, I can call phone numbers and leave messages. It's not fucking helpful. 103 00:07:46.629 --> 00:07:50.310 I need help, like help. Telling me to do something I've already 104 00:07:50.350 --> 00:07:56.470 done is not helping. So well, I got to get out of here. 105 00:07:57.230 --> 00:08:03.180 Feeling a bit grumpy outcast. I did my neurostimulation for the morning. 106 00:08:03.579 --> 00:08:09.019 got that out of the way. Got A podcast ten minutes in if I 107 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:13.730 need it and don't want to do anything later tonight. So I don't know. 108 00:08:13.850 --> 00:08:16.610 Maybe I'll recap the day and you'll hear it, but HMM, hanging 109 00:08:16.649 --> 00:08:24.810 there. Thanks for listening. Talk to you later. Okay, there we 110 00:08:24.889 --> 00:09:16.889 go. Ye, this day when it's raining inside, Yawn. Well, 111 00:09:18.330 --> 00:09:24.879 through the magic of time shifting, it's now twelve hours later. It's thirty 112 00:09:24.919 --> 00:09:31.799 at night. I'm reading an interesting article. Would you like me to read 113 00:09:31.799 --> 00:09:35.039 it to you? Okay, good. I'm glad you said yes, because 114 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:41.549 I was going to anyway. Well, I'll credit to the author of the 115 00:09:41.629 --> 00:09:50.070 article, Sherry heard, a A. It's on the website learning mindcom, 116 00:09:50.110 --> 00:09:56.259 learning mindcom. It's neat article. I just got about halfway through it and 117 00:09:56.299 --> 00:09:58.779 I realize I should I got to do the last half of this podcast I 118 00:09:58.860 --> 00:10:03.340 said I was going to do this morning. Anyway, it's all finished reading. 119 00:10:03.740 --> 00:10:07.730 Let's learn something new. I I used to like reading back in Grade 120 00:10:07.730 --> 00:10:11.649 School because I was pretty good at looking a few words ahead and being able 121 00:10:11.690 --> 00:10:20.529 to read luidly. I guess I'll do my best. Sometimes I've run into 122 00:10:20.570 --> 00:10:22.279 the end of a sentence and don't realize how it's supposed to have ended. 123 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:26.720 Oh by the way, this is me reading. It's almost all verbatim, 124 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:31.559 so that's why I credited Sherry heard. Even though I might sound like I'm 125 00:10:31.559 --> 00:10:33.799 talking to I think I like the article because she writes like I talked sometimes. 126 00:10:35.710 --> 00:10:41.710 Yes, okay, scene does family manipulation sound like a new thing? 127 00:10:43.190 --> 00:10:46.909 You may be a surprised to learn that manipulation can come from anyone, be 128 00:10:48.070 --> 00:10:54.740 it partners, mothers or father's, even siblings. Partner manipulation has become pretty 129 00:10:54.779 --> 00:10:58.259 common. Many people have managed to get away from this sort of abusive relationship. 130 00:10:58.419 --> 00:11:03.289 However, manipulation is prevalent in all sorts of relationships, apart from the 131 00:11:03.370 --> 00:11:11.330 intimate sort. In fact, many people are reporting that family manipulation is also 132 00:11:11.370 --> 00:11:16.210 a problem. Mother's, father, sisters and brothers are all prone to become 133 00:11:16.289 --> 00:11:20.879 manipulative and abusive toward one another, and it can become a serious problem. 134 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:31.759 Family manipulation is mental, physical, sexual or emotional abuse carried out by family 135 00:11:31.879 --> 00:11:37.830 members toward one another. This sort of abuse is generally used to control one 136 00:11:37.870 --> 00:11:45.029 another for various purposes. Signs point to an unhealthy relationship. Having grown up 137 00:11:45.070 --> 00:11:50.379 with your family may make it difficult to decipher any abusive treatment. Considering the 138 00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:58.299 components of manipulation include brainwashing, it's hard to tell if you've actually been mistreated 139 00:11:58.340 --> 00:12:03.769 at all. Sometimes it's not until you've gotten away or moved out of the 140 00:12:03.929 --> 00:12:09.610 home that you realize the extent of the unhealthy situation. Here are some warning 141 00:12:09.769 --> 00:12:16.639 signs that family manipulation is or has been part of your life. Lies. 142 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:24.720 You will recognize family manipulation when lies are involved. Family members, especially the 143 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:31.149 narcissistic kind, will tell lies easily when direct questions are met with vague answers. 144 00:12:31.870 --> 00:12:39.389 This is one indication that manipulative lies are being told. Liars will always 145 00:12:39.070 --> 00:12:43.500 be able to give half the truths to convince you they are honest and reliable 146 00:12:43.580 --> 00:12:48.019 people, when in truth, they are only striving for what they want. 147 00:12:48.019 --> 00:12:54.659 A liar will always lie and tell more lies to cover the old ones. 148 00:12:54.980 --> 00:13:03.610 Silent treatment. Even family members will resort to the silent treatment. In fact, 149 00:13:03.009 --> 00:13:07.210 the closer you are to someone, the more chance that their narcissistic actions 150 00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:13.919 will display this sort of behavior. Silence is one of the manipulator's choice weapons 151 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:20.360 because it gets the work done with little effort. For those who are unaware 152 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:24.320 of the tactics, the silent treatment can garner pity and groveling, which is 153 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:33.029 exactly what the manipulator wants. They have one the selfless disguise. Truly selfless 154 00:13:33.070 --> 00:13:39.429 people are honorable. The manipulator can fool you into thinking that they are selfless 155 00:13:39.429 --> 00:13:45.659 as well, but they are really not. They actually have a deeper motivation 156 00:13:46.340 --> 00:13:52.460 which includes rewarding themselves and making everyone else think highly of their quote outward motivations, 157 00:13:52.220 --> 00:13:56.129 which are false, and while people are busy being proud of the manipulator, 158 00:13:56.850 --> 00:14:01.529 they are also falling right into the trap and helping the manipulator win. 159 00:14:03.250 --> 00:14:11.799 Gas Lighting. Dysfunctional families are notorious for gas lighting. Sometimes you might even 160 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:16.240 find an entire family that constantly tries to convince each other that they are all 161 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:22.240 crazy. The sheer volume of madness present in some families is almost unbelievable. 162 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:28.549 Gas Lighting, in case you didn't know, is the ability to convince another 163 00:14:28.629 --> 00:14:33.590 person that they are crazy while taking advantage of them. I bet you've seen 164 00:14:33.669 --> 00:14:37.070 sisters or brothers doing this to each other. Honestly, this is so common 165 00:14:37.590 --> 00:14:41.899 it almost seems like a normal ass spect of the family unit. Intimidation. 166 00:14:43.100 --> 00:14:48.059 Family manipulation sometimes comes in the form of intimidation. While it might not be 167 00:14:48.100 --> 00:14:52.730 straightforward threats, it can still be frightening enough to make you do what the 168 00:14:52.889 --> 00:15:00.250 manipulators want. This is what's called quote coverts intimidation, which is veiled in 169 00:15:00.289 --> 00:15:05.289 a form of kindness and is hard to decipher at times. Pay Close attention 170 00:15:05.370 --> 00:15:09.960 to the choice words of the manipulator, and these words will reveal their true 171 00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:16.600 intentions. Guilt trips. A manipulator will use guilt trips on a regular basis 172 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:20.429 if you tell them no, they will find a way to make you feel 173 00:15:20.470 --> 00:15:26.350 bad about putting your foot down. Sometimes, if you ask the manipulator to 174 00:15:26.389 --> 00:15:30.470 turn the volume down on their music, they will turn it off completely. 175 00:15:31.710 --> 00:15:35.980 This tactic is used to make you feel bad about asking them to tone something 176 00:15:35.019 --> 00:15:41.179 down and will return by taking something away entirely. It's also done to show 177 00:15:41.220 --> 00:15:46.419 you they have control, and yet you should still feel guilty. It's weird, 178 00:15:46.500 --> 00:15:54.330 isn't it? Shaming, if family members are shaming your weaknesses, then 179 00:15:54.370 --> 00:16:00.850 they are being manipulative. For instance, if you have an insecurity about your 180 00:16:00.889 --> 00:16:07.120 weight, a manipulator will make shaming comments about that topic. Their intentions are 181 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:12.360 to keep you beneath them in order to retain control. If they can retain 182 00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:18.870 control, they will feel better about themselves in turn. After all, manipulators, 183 00:16:18.909 --> 00:16:22.470 truth be told, have low self esteem naturally, and all their tactics 184 00:16:22.509 --> 00:16:30.830 are used to fix that is your family manipulating you. Let's take this one 185 00:16:30.870 --> 00:16:36.139 step at a time. If you've always wondered whether your family was manipulators, 186 00:16:36.659 --> 00:16:40.340 you can use the warning signs to discover the truth. After you know for 187 00:16:40.460 --> 00:16:44.899 sure, you can research ways to improve your life or get support from others. 188 00:16:45.620 --> 00:16:48.809 Maybe you can help your loved ones in the process. It may be 189 00:16:48.929 --> 00:16:53.370 a long road to healing, but it's worth it. So thank you, 190 00:16:53.490 --> 00:16:57.409 Sherry. Heard that was a neat article. Lot's kind of self evident truths 191 00:16:57.450 --> 00:17:02.240 in there for anybody that's lived in a family, which is pretty much all 192 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:04.720 of us, right. So let me go through these one more time. 193 00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:11.759 Signs that points who unhealthy relationship are lies, silent treatment, selfless disguise, 194 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:18.509 gas lighting, intimidation, Gilt trips and shaming. Right. Well, I'm 195 00:17:18.509 --> 00:17:23.349 want to try to get some sleep. You have a killer evening or day 196 00:17:23.430 --> 00:17:33.380 or whatever time. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, and now 197 00:17:33.460 --> 00:17:34.059 back to the wall.