Keep Talking Mental Health! Beka and Joe Lombardo, Bipolar Style

WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.879 --> 00:00:11.910 And now it's online Bible this stylecom yes, John Emotions, with Bible style. 2 00:00:15.150 --> 00:00:17.550 Hey, what's up? Thanks for letting me back in your head. 3 00:00:17.589 --> 00:00:23.179 I appreciate you subscribing to the bipolar style podcast. Today is an especially cool 4 00:00:23.219 --> 00:00:26.140 day. I had kind of a rough weekend. If you want to hear 5 00:00:26.179 --> 00:00:31.219 about that, I whine about it over at Johnny Emotionscom. Here on bipolar's 6 00:00:31.260 --> 00:00:39.369 style, however, welcome Becca and Joe Lombardo from Detroit USA. They together 7 00:00:39.649 --> 00:00:46.810 are both mental health advocates and are responsible for the Hashtag keep talking, mh. 8 00:00:47.450 --> 00:00:49.729 So what's up, guys? Thanks for joining me. I appreciate you 9 00:00:49.850 --> 00:00:53.000 being here. Hey, thank you for having us. Yeah, absolutely, 10 00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:59.840 thanks for thanks for welcoming US onto your humble little show. Appreciate it. 11 00:01:00.359 --> 00:01:03.349 So, Joe and I go back. We had a little conversation beforehand to 12 00:01:03.469 --> 00:01:07.590 hopefully get the guy talk out of the way, but I remembered that you 13 00:01:07.670 --> 00:01:11.310 guys are like the power couple of mental health. But I only bring that 14 00:01:11.390 --> 00:01:17.909 up because Joe's twitter Hashtag, twitter handle, is power slave one thousand nine 15 00:01:17.909 --> 00:01:21.500 hundred and seventy four, which is awesome because I'm a huge iron maiden fan. 16 00:01:21.579 --> 00:01:23.700 In fact, I'm wearing a Derek Riggs original shirt right now. I'll 17 00:01:23.700 --> 00:01:26.019 have to show it to Y. I'll take a picture of it. Nice. 18 00:01:26.260 --> 00:01:30.459 That's all. Which one is it? It's one you haven't seen. 19 00:01:30.540 --> 00:01:34.810 He did it for an autism an autism fundraiser, and it's got Eddie with 20 00:01:34.010 --> 00:01:38.250 his the top of his head exploding into puzzle pieces. Oh, that's awesome. 21 00:01:38.250 --> 00:01:41.650 Yeah, it's amazing, I say. Yeah, I look to see 22 00:01:41.650 --> 00:01:45.530 a picture of that. I saw him at a comic con kind of place. 23 00:01:45.930 --> 00:01:48.799 He was hanging out there drawing pictures for people and he drew a little 24 00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:52.120 Eddie in the coffee table book I got. So yeah, anyway, Joe 25 00:01:52.159 --> 00:01:55.840 and I are huge metal fans. So all that aside, maybe I have 26 00:01:55.959 --> 00:02:00.159 some metal music playing underneath us right now. That explains it. So let's 27 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:01.549 get let's get back to I know, I know, if we keep talking 28 00:02:01.629 --> 00:02:05.870 metal much more, backs eyes are going to glaze over because she's not exactly 29 00:02:05.909 --> 00:02:07.990 the the metal fan that you and I are. Some metal stuff that I'm 30 00:02:08.030 --> 00:02:13.389 into, but not not man, not everything he listens to. I know. 31 00:02:14.069 --> 00:02:17.580 I just buy the TSHIRTS for Christmas. FROTHER, that is a firm 32 00:02:17.699 --> 00:02:22.620 supporter. I appreciate that. Yeah, that's that's the extent of their support, 33 00:02:22.699 --> 00:02:25.259 though, is that I can't get her to listen to any of it. 34 00:02:25.340 --> 00:02:29.060 In if I play runder the hills, she gets mad at me because 35 00:02:29.180 --> 00:02:31.210 it's stuck in her head for three days. You were lucky to have found 36 00:02:31.210 --> 00:02:35.569 one that will stay with you. I am most of my metal friends are 37 00:02:35.610 --> 00:02:38.090 single, especially when you're still in the metal at our age. They're like, 38 00:02:38.289 --> 00:02:43.810 okay, dude, all right, have grown up yet? No, 39 00:02:44.289 --> 00:02:49.000 not yet. Toys arrest is closing. Damn it. Okay, started on 40 00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:53.080 that. So Hey, I wanted to. So both of you are like 41 00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:58.400 a mental health power couple now, but obviously you came from different paths. 42 00:02:58.590 --> 00:03:04.469 You're from the same geography. You're both from Detroit area. If what did 43 00:03:04.750 --> 00:03:07.990 mental health issues bring you together, or did you come together and kind of 44 00:03:08.110 --> 00:03:14.780 discover your each each other's backstory after the fact? It was as a good 45 00:03:14.780 --> 00:03:17.979 questions after the fact. I mean we met. It's funny. We when 46 00:03:19.620 --> 00:03:24.500 AOL first started, you know America Online first started, they had penpal features 47 00:03:24.539 --> 00:03:30.009 where you could pick an area of the, you know, United States to 48 00:03:30.090 --> 00:03:34.569 be a penpal with somebody, and I was picking Michigan people because I want 49 00:03:34.610 --> 00:03:37.569 you know, with the hopes of meeting them some day. And that's how 50 00:03:37.810 --> 00:03:42.360 we met, was through AOL on a pen pal thing, Yep, which 51 00:03:42.360 --> 00:03:46.680 is why we still have AOL email addresses to this day. And embarrassingly, 52 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:53.080 yeah, her email isn't quite as bad, but mine going on forty four 53 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:58.710 next month. It's embarrassing on a lot of levels and I have to clarify 54 00:03:58.830 --> 00:04:01.389 that with everybody I give it to now, you know. But it's almost 55 00:04:01.430 --> 00:04:04.870 like a retro kitch kind of thing down, don't you think? Because a 56 00:04:04.870 --> 00:04:09.909 lot of people are actually getting landlines again, like after not having had a 57 00:04:09.990 --> 00:04:13.539 landline for five or six years. So just tell them like, yeah, 58 00:04:13.740 --> 00:04:16.339 this is rare. Man, we went talking about the old school. It's 59 00:04:16.420 --> 00:04:19.339 like your hipsters, grow a Goateee, put on some flannel, get you 60 00:04:19.819 --> 00:04:24.569 well, I got go tea part down. I'm good. They're halfway to 61 00:04:24.569 --> 00:04:29.610 hipster flannels warm. So so, yeah, the pen pals, Oh that's 62 00:04:29.689 --> 00:04:32.490 neat. Yeah, we're pen pals. And then we met in person and 63 00:04:34.129 --> 00:04:38.959 we are schedules were too different at the beginning, like he lived on the 64 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.120 other side of town. Yep, you know, we just couldn't seem to 65 00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:45.720 connect. So we kind of let it go. And then, yeah, 66 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:47.839 a while later it was like maybe of one thousand nine hundred and ninety eight. 67 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:54.870 We will what happened. Was Not was okay, I'm going to let 68 00:04:54.949 --> 00:04:58.709 people in on something that they may or may not be aware of. Yeah, 69 00:04:59.350 --> 00:05:04.310 and this is something that we don't talk about a lot. One back 70 00:05:04.389 --> 00:05:12.980 and I first met due to my own ignorance on the subject, I knew 71 00:05:13.019 --> 00:05:17.939 that she had bipolar disorder and she would do things self harm and whatnot. 72 00:05:18.060 --> 00:05:20.529 I never kept it from anybody. I was. She didn't. She was 73 00:05:20.569 --> 00:05:24.329 very upfront with it and it I was. You knew what it was. 74 00:05:24.449 --> 00:05:27.490 Becca, back then you were diagnosed already. Yeah, I was diagnosed at 75 00:05:27.490 --> 00:05:30.769 age nineteen. Yeah, okay, and I'll be honest with you. It 76 00:05:31.250 --> 00:05:42.600 it scared me and so I, in my ignorance and in my I'm ashamed 77 00:05:42.680 --> 00:05:46.959 to say, I I ran away. You know, I didn't know what 78 00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:50.189 to do, how to take if I was going to be strong enough to 79 00:05:50.310 --> 00:05:55.829 be able to be there for her. And we had met. It was 80 00:05:56.430 --> 00:06:04.459 we had met in person summer of ninety nine and stop talking. And then 81 00:06:06.139 --> 00:06:12.660 about March of two thousand and one, we reconnected and, you know, 82 00:06:12.740 --> 00:06:15.860 we would still talk here and there and she couldn't ever really figure out why 83 00:06:15.860 --> 00:06:19.730 I had left back then. And eventually I was asked with her and I 84 00:06:19.850 --> 00:06:26.009 told her. And what you really scared of the bipolar, or do you 85 00:06:26.050 --> 00:06:30.930 think I might have just been scared of being in love? I didn't understand 86 00:06:30.970 --> 00:06:33.639 it, okay, and I and honestly, I needed to grow up, 87 00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:38.920 I needed to mature a little bit. And and you know, during the 88 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:41.680 whole time that we were apart, I still thought about her. I thought 89 00:06:41.680 --> 00:06:45.360 about her a lot and I wondered how she was and I was concerned for 90 00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:48.670 knowing what she had been going through and that she had been in bad relationships 91 00:06:49.389 --> 00:06:57.550 previous. And so we started, actually we started hanging out. It wasn't 92 00:06:57.550 --> 00:06:59.910 two thousand and one. It was because we went to that wrestling thing in 93 00:06:59.949 --> 00:07:03.060 August. Yeah, one of the things that brought us together was our love 94 00:07:03.100 --> 00:07:09.180 of wrestling. All right. Yeah, so it was like August the two 95 00:07:09.259 --> 00:07:15.420 thousand and we went to a wrestling show and it was her and I had 96 00:07:15.459 --> 00:07:18.129 a couple of my band members, band I was at the time, and 97 00:07:18.250 --> 00:07:23.970 a friend of hers, and after that we kind of kept talking stay in 98 00:07:24.089 --> 00:07:28.810 contact and that March of two thousand and one. We started seeing a little 99 00:07:28.810 --> 00:07:32.560 bit more of each other and, you know, I was really trying to 100 00:07:32.600 --> 00:07:39.879 open myself up to who she was as a person and getting past what she 101 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:46.110 was dealing with, you know, and realizing that this woman was just amazing, 102 00:07:46.269 --> 00:07:48.110 she was incredible, she was funny, she was beautiful, she was 103 00:07:48.629 --> 00:07:55.589 intelligent, she was everything that I was looking for and I wasn't going to 104 00:07:55.790 --> 00:08:00.939 let an affliction that she was dealing with come between that. I was going 105 00:08:01.019 --> 00:08:07.500 to embrace it and be her rock for her, because I needed one, 106 00:08:07.699 --> 00:08:11.939 she needed one and I needed her, you know. So, yeah, 107 00:08:11.939 --> 00:08:16.810 we don't talk about that very early time that much, but yeah, that's 108 00:08:18.370 --> 00:08:20.209 so. I don't blame him for that, you know. You know I 109 00:08:20.250 --> 00:08:24.329 don't. I don't sit around and think about, well, he screwed me 110 00:08:24.490 --> 00:08:28.439 one day, or whatever it's. I I understand I lost a lot of 111 00:08:28.600 --> 00:08:33.440 friends and, you know, I would have, say I had a friend 112 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:39.039 come over to watch movies and I would leave my stack of pill bottles out 113 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:41.909 on the shelf of my in my bedroom and they would see that and I 114 00:08:41.950 --> 00:08:46.789 would never see them again. Yeah, you know, so as I was 115 00:08:46.870 --> 00:08:50.629 on so many meds at that point and you know. So I don't. 116 00:08:50.149 --> 00:08:54.389 I never I didn't understand where he had gone and where it went wrong, 117 00:08:54.590 --> 00:09:00.019 but I didn't hold it against him because, you know, deep down inside 118 00:09:00.019 --> 00:09:03.860 I know that it's very difficult this cease to deal with, especially for someone 119 00:09:03.860 --> 00:09:07.379 who's kind of a fixer and wants to make everything better, right, right, 120 00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:11.690 and you know, you have to understand that you can't always make everything 121 00:09:11.730 --> 00:09:15.009 better for the person. Yeah, and that was it. That was a 122 00:09:15.090 --> 00:09:18.289 tough lesson to learn to you know, because early on I wanted to fix 123 00:09:18.409 --> 00:09:22.409 it. You know, I wanted to you know, I would go with 124 00:09:22.490 --> 00:09:24.639 her two doctors, when I still go with her doctor's appointments, but I 125 00:09:24.759 --> 00:09:30.559 would go and, you know, be all full of bluster and everything, 126 00:09:30.759 --> 00:09:33.879 wanting to get her you know, wanted to fix her right, right. 127 00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:35.320 Yeah, and finally one day it click. It's like, well, I 128 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:39.070 can't fix this, you know, only she can fix it. What I 129 00:09:39.230 --> 00:09:45.789 need to do is be there for her and whatever way she needs. So, 130 00:09:46.509 --> 00:09:50.230 anyway, by May two thousand and one, we were dating and we 131 00:09:50.389 --> 00:09:56.259 were married August. Third we nice. That's actually like a very traditional kind 132 00:09:56.299 --> 00:10:01.259 of romance cycle, it sounds like. So it's interesting because when we think 133 00:10:01.259 --> 00:10:07.730 of ourselves as unusual or abnormal or disordered. But it's nice to hear a 134 00:10:07.769 --> 00:10:09.649 story of like a normal romance kind of developed between two people. So, 135 00:10:11.210 --> 00:10:18.490 but Joe, do you have like mental health diagnosis of any kind? Nothing 136 00:10:18.529 --> 00:10:26.519 I would consider official. I have anxiety issues and I do have a prescription 137 00:10:28.919 --> 00:10:31.360 for medication, you know, for one for those days that I do feel, 138 00:10:33.159 --> 00:10:37.950 you know, she's anxious. Yeah, and but I don't take it 139 00:10:37.029 --> 00:10:39.669 that off. And Yeah, I generally I can. I can keep a 140 00:10:39.750 --> 00:10:43.909 pretty good handle on it. Um, he said, a little bit of 141 00:10:43.990 --> 00:10:48.750 depression here and there, but yeah, it's been primarily it's not one of 142 00:10:48.789 --> 00:10:52.259 those things where it can be for those of us with bipolar where somebody's like 143 00:10:52.340 --> 00:10:56.539 why are you depressed and you have absolutely no idea. Usually his stems from, 144 00:10:56.019 --> 00:11:00.299 you know, a loss or a death and one of our families or 145 00:11:00.820 --> 00:11:05.850 something like that. He doesn't get really the the random, the the mood 146 00:11:05.889 --> 00:11:07.490 suit. Yeah, the random, mostly mood swings, because I get mood 147 00:11:07.529 --> 00:11:13.490 swings. Yeah, but you know, I'll it's there's more reasoning behind it, 148 00:11:13.730 --> 00:11:18.120 I guess you could say. Um, then not. So, you 149 00:11:18.200 --> 00:11:22.480 know, I've don't know. I mean I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and 150 00:11:24.279 --> 00:11:28.759 you know, I actually had a really bad depressive episode a couple weeks back. 151 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.429 So I'm going to talk with her about it and, you know, 152 00:11:33.509 --> 00:11:37.509 kind of get some insight and see what she wants me to do. You 153 00:11:37.629 --> 00:11:41.509 know, but it sounds like you're able. You're more open than most other 154 00:11:41.590 --> 00:11:46.580 men I talked to about mental health issues. Do you think that's in part 155 00:11:46.620 --> 00:11:52.419 because you live with Becca? It's absolutely because I live with Becca. You 156 00:11:52.460 --> 00:11:56.580 know, I being with her for for guy, this August is going to 157 00:11:56.580 --> 00:12:01.850 be seventeen years baby, being with her that long, seeing the roller coaster 158 00:12:01.970 --> 00:12:07.090 that she's been on with her life and being with her through everything. It's 159 00:12:07.330 --> 00:12:13.690 helped me to recognize that in myself and in others that we come to, 160 00:12:13.809 --> 00:12:20.080 you know, and we've had family and friends come to US asking our advice 161 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:22.080 now, you know, which was part of the reason that she wrote the 162 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:24.879 book, part of the reason that we do the podcast. You know, 163 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:30.590 we realize that we want to help people and so, yeah, it for 164 00:12:30.750 --> 00:12:33.789 me, it helps me now because now I can you know, it's not 165 00:12:35.029 --> 00:12:37.629 a one way street, it's a two way street. You know, if 166 00:12:37.710 --> 00:12:41.269 she's having a bad day, she'll message me while I'm at work or she'll 167 00:12:41.309 --> 00:12:45.779 call me into Hay I'm not having a good day and I'll try and talk 168 00:12:45.820 --> 00:12:48.580 her through it. And now I can do the same thing with her, 169 00:12:48.779 --> 00:12:50.700 you know, if I'm having, you know, a bad day for whatever 170 00:12:50.779 --> 00:12:54.620 reason, I can talk with her and she'll help me through it as well. 171 00:12:54.940 --> 00:12:58.179 That's so great. It's so great. And you mentioned the book, 172 00:12:58.259 --> 00:13:01.610 So let's talk about that a bit. So sure, Becca under the name 173 00:13:01.690 --> 00:13:05.370 Rebecca, Rebecca Lombarne. She just goes by Becca Lombardo on twitter. If 174 00:13:05.409 --> 00:13:09.730 you're looking for there, be Eka. She wrote a book called it's not 175 00:13:09.970 --> 00:13:15.159 your journey, and let's talk about I mean, just tell me if you 176 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:16.399 don't want to get too deep into any of these things, but I think 177 00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:22.799 you like to share, so I'd like to hear about what brought you to 178 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:26.990 attempt to take your life. Well, it was a lot of things, 179 00:13:28.710 --> 00:13:31.549 a lot of things that I was kind of let letting build up inside me 180 00:13:31.629 --> 00:13:37.269 and I wasn't dealing with her processing. And you know, it started back 181 00:13:37.389 --> 00:13:41.139 with my mom's death and then, you know, my brother died on my 182 00:13:41.340 --> 00:13:46.379 birthday in two thousand and eleven. Life is so coul that way. Yeah, 183 00:13:46.860 --> 00:13:52.860 and I knew that my depression was getting worse, but I was kind 184 00:13:52.899 --> 00:13:58.490 of trying to we I had like a home multilevel marketing business from one of 185 00:13:58.529 --> 00:14:03.169 those companies selling like candles and stuff like that, and I was really throwing 186 00:14:03.330 --> 00:14:07.730 myself into that and I was doing great with it and suddenly I started to 187 00:14:09.169 --> 00:14:11.720 kind of tank it. Like I got into a fight with the women that 188 00:14:11.799 --> 00:14:16.399 were on the team that I had and the company. I made the mistake 189 00:14:16.519 --> 00:14:24.279 of calling one of the girls a bitch and the company called me and reamed 190 00:14:24.350 --> 00:14:28.710 me out and it was just kind of a breaking point when I got that 191 00:14:28.870 --> 00:14:31.710 phone call. I know it all sounds kind of silly, but when you 192 00:14:31.830 --> 00:14:35.429 combined it all together and you're not processing or, you know, talking to 193 00:14:35.509 --> 00:14:41.059 anybody about it, it becomes very big and it's like a giant weight on 194 00:14:41.139 --> 00:14:43.539 your shoulders. Yeah, that's just one aspect of what she was going through 195 00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:48.779 there. There was a lot more behind that, but that was that. 196 00:14:48.100 --> 00:14:52.659 It's almost like that was that was the result of the other things. I 197 00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:56.409 get to the same point. I don't know if it's Hypo mania or intense 198 00:14:56.490 --> 00:15:01.009 depression that makes me lash out and anger, but yeah, they're definitely times 199 00:15:01.090 --> 00:15:05.730 where the week's worth of events will culminate in me writing the wrong sentence in 200 00:15:05.929 --> 00:15:11.120 email to a boss, and sometimes that might get me fired, and it's 201 00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:13.240 like well, actually, yeah, of course I would have thought of it 202 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:18.480 differently had the prior six days not happened. Yeah, life just some in 203 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:22.629 and I don't know if it's people with bipolar particularly, because a lot of 204 00:15:22.669 --> 00:15:26.149 people don't have a weight of events and get their emotions out as they're coming 205 00:15:26.190 --> 00:15:30.110 through. Like we tend to block them up and keep them to ourselves because 206 00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:31.509 I got other shit to do and that person doesn't really want to listen to 207 00:15:31.629 --> 00:15:37.019 this. So, yeah, I know I'm particular. That sounds so familiar 208 00:15:37.100 --> 00:15:39.419 to me and I know there's so much building up. It's that. Yet, 209 00:15:39.500 --> 00:15:43.980 like you said, that's just the end results, surface stuff. Yeah, 210 00:15:43.139 --> 00:15:46.139 that's the way you see, but so much cause that. Yeah, 211 00:15:46.179 --> 00:15:50.370 it's a pressure cooker, you know. It's just strather broke the camels back, 212 00:15:50.649 --> 00:15:52.610 you know, perviously. Yeah, and honestly, calling someone a bitch 213 00:15:52.809 --> 00:15:56.450 that's pretty mild. I mean, you know as well as I do there's 214 00:15:56.450 --> 00:15:58.730 plenty of people that are out in the streets waving knives around, getting shot 215 00:15:58.889 --> 00:16:02.809 by police because they're just lost their buying momentary. I mean you know that 216 00:16:02.970 --> 00:16:06.639 it can. It could wrap up so high that people literally die. So 217 00:16:07.159 --> 00:16:10.639 for one, I guess. Jeez, I'm glad you really you're here still, 218 00:16:10.759 --> 00:16:12.679 because all of that, it doesn't really matter how you got to the 219 00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:18.710 point of engaging with suicide ideation, but once you're to that point it doesn't 220 00:16:18.710 --> 00:16:21.309 matter. It's just such a bad, dark, lonely place to be and 221 00:16:21.309 --> 00:16:23.830 I'm glad you made it back. You're not the only one. Yeah, 222 00:16:25.269 --> 00:16:30.710 sure it was. It wasn't easy at all. And you know I used 223 00:16:30.750 --> 00:16:34.379 to practice. Well, I'm recovering from self injury about five years now. 224 00:16:34.740 --> 00:16:38.379 Yeah, and it'll be. It'll be five years in June. Yep. 225 00:16:38.740 --> 00:16:42.139 What's that like as an adult? I worked in the juvenile hall and I 226 00:16:42.259 --> 00:16:47.139 remember the kids would scratch themselves with paper clips, for example, and if 227 00:16:47.210 --> 00:16:51.769 anybody's listening, that's a trigger warning. Than obviously fast forward this episode and 228 00:16:52.490 --> 00:16:53.250 back at you don't have to talk about that if you don't want to, 229 00:16:53.330 --> 00:16:56.570 but I'm just curious. As an adult, does that manifest itself differently than 230 00:16:56.809 --> 00:17:00.840 when you were younger? No, not, for me it doesn't. It's 231 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:07.599 pretty much the same it becomes an obsession to a degree, you know, 232 00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:12.160 once you've got the urges. And for me personally, what would happen is 233 00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:18.869 I would visualize it and the the image would not leave my head and I 234 00:17:18.029 --> 00:17:23.509 just was constantly obsessing. And at first the whole thing makes you feel better, 235 00:17:25.710 --> 00:17:29.109 you know, and then when you're done with it and you're looking back 236 00:17:29.150 --> 00:17:33.299 at how you, quote unquote, failed, then you feel even worse. 237 00:17:33.500 --> 00:17:37.980 Now you're in pain and you know the physical level and the emotional level, 238 00:17:38.579 --> 00:17:42.099 and then you feel like you've let everybody down and it just makes you want 239 00:17:42.099 --> 00:17:45.849 to do it more. Wow, yeah, get caught in that. It's 240 00:17:45.890 --> 00:17:51.450 just downward spiral. Yeah, but back when she first explained it to me 241 00:17:52.089 --> 00:17:56.089 to help me understand what she would wear, her mindset was is she would 242 00:17:56.130 --> 00:18:02.440 be and in such intense emotional pain that she had no way of expressing it. 243 00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:08.200 So hurting yourself would be the physical manifestation of that emotional pain. But 244 00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:14.029 then she would be so ashamed about doing it she couldn't show anybody. Yep, 245 00:18:14.230 --> 00:18:17.349 so nobody was seeing it anyway. Worse, and that's how the cycle 246 00:18:18.069 --> 00:18:21.269 would form. You know, she'd feel worse, she would do it, 247 00:18:21.789 --> 00:18:25.789 she'd feel even more worse. Yeah, that's a word the same. Yeah 248 00:18:25.789 --> 00:18:27.740 then, yeah, shame. She would hide it, which became like her 249 00:18:27.779 --> 00:18:32.259 own little game underneath the surface. Nobody sees it, nobody hears about it. 250 00:18:32.339 --> 00:18:33.380 You hide it with your shirts or, you know, you cover up 251 00:18:33.420 --> 00:18:37.940 the scratches or whatnot. That's pretty insidious. But you know, I wonder 252 00:18:37.059 --> 00:18:41.809 because when you explain it to me, it sounds romantic in my head, 253 00:18:41.890 --> 00:18:45.170 because I don't I don't mind pain and I always think back to people who 254 00:18:45.210 --> 00:18:49.089 like getting tattoos. Every time I've got a tattoo, I'm like, Oh 255 00:18:49.130 --> 00:18:53.089 yeah, there's a release of endorphins from receiving so much pain at once and 256 00:18:53.369 --> 00:18:57.119 of course, like when you're done with that Tattoo you're magically absolved of the 257 00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:00.480 guilt because like, Oh hey, I'm cool, I got a tattoo. 258 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:03.559 But I wonder if there's something in there, because there's definitely something to that 259 00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:07.279 pain distracting you from your life and if you know the pain is not going 260 00:19:07.319 --> 00:19:11.549 to kill you, like you're not sawing off your leg or anything. But 261 00:19:11.630 --> 00:19:15.029 I wonder if there's something in our brains that triggers just the release of the 262 00:19:15.509 --> 00:19:18.309 of the endorphins or something that we need that were unable to get elsewhere. 263 00:19:19.789 --> 00:19:23.109 Yeah, that's part of the theory behind self injury that, you know, 264 00:19:23.230 --> 00:19:30.859 I've learned over the years is that it releases the endorphins and gives you that 265 00:19:32.299 --> 00:19:34.579 you know, I don't know how to explain it, relief, so to 266 00:19:34.619 --> 00:19:37.930 speak. It's really now it's a release. It's a release and and it 267 00:19:40.089 --> 00:19:44.490 you know, it's difficult, it's it's I could start is, it's a 268 00:19:44.569 --> 00:19:48.930 constant struggle. You know, you get the images in your mind or the 269 00:19:48.089 --> 00:19:52.680 feeling like you're so for me it was always started out with anxiety. I 270 00:19:52.759 --> 00:19:56.359 would be super, super anxious and the only way to calm myself was the 271 00:19:56.440 --> 00:20:03.039 self harm. Well, so, yeah, it's been a constant struggle but 272 00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:07.869 yeah, I'm grateful for the last few years of recovery being cleaned. Yeah, 273 00:20:07.869 --> 00:20:15.430 and you know the thing with her incident five years ago, and what 274 00:20:15.109 --> 00:20:22.339 was you know that she wasn't specifically trying to and her life. Yep, 275 00:20:22.420 --> 00:20:26.660 per se, it was she wanted to end the pain. Yeah, she 276 00:20:26.859 --> 00:20:30.819 was in a lot of pain and a dark place and that's all that she 277 00:20:32.019 --> 00:20:34.769 wanted, you know, and at the time her mindset was, you know, 278 00:20:34.809 --> 00:20:38.410 if I'm not here anymore. Well, everybody'll be better off. Yeah, 279 00:20:38.529 --> 00:20:42.049 and yeah, my pain is done. And you know I'm you know, 280 00:20:42.730 --> 00:20:48.650 and you know, people at the time accused her of being a coward, 281 00:20:48.690 --> 00:20:52.400 of being selfish, of all this stuff. How could she do this 282 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:56.759 to me? How could she do this to her family? All this horrible 283 00:20:56.799 --> 00:21:00.920 stuff, and you know, the thing is is number one. You don't 284 00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:03.950 get to ask that. Huh? That's right, you don't. You know, 285 00:21:04.269 --> 00:21:10.230 this is a thing between her and I and her and her family, 286 00:21:10.470 --> 00:21:15.750 and you know the you don't like it, find, leave, you know 287 00:21:15.150 --> 00:21:19.619 it. Change the change. You're not you're not gonna be there to support 288 00:21:19.740 --> 00:21:23.099 her through this, to ask her how, how and why she's in that 289 00:21:23.299 --> 00:21:26.900 much pain to begin with. To do that, you know, when you're 290 00:21:26.980 --> 00:21:33.769 in the the throes of that, you're not rationally thinking about, you know, 291 00:21:33.890 --> 00:21:37.329 how this is going to affect that other person. You're thinking, I 292 00:21:37.849 --> 00:21:41.089 don't want to be in pain anymore, I don't want to hurt the people 293 00:21:41.130 --> 00:21:44.650 I love anymore, and if I'm not here I can't hurt them. Right, 294 00:21:45.210 --> 00:21:47.960 you know, that's the thing. Right, it's like our perception of 295 00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:52.839 our lives impact on others is skewered because of our disorders. So a lot 296 00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:56.400 of times when we don't think of suicide, as you know, escapism at 297 00:21:56.400 --> 00:22:00.400 all. We think of it as ending two problems at once. I'm ashamed 298 00:22:00.509 --> 00:22:04.910 and I'm a burden on my family and I'm also in pain and internally, 299 00:22:06.750 --> 00:22:08.869 you know, tortured. So Hey, if I end this, I don't 300 00:22:08.869 --> 00:22:11.990 really want to die, but it seems like the best options of all that 301 00:22:12.029 --> 00:22:15.619 I can think of. And I'm a reasonably intelligent person. So when you 302 00:22:15.819 --> 00:22:22.180 when you start to kind of intellectualize the whole idea of suicide, it gets 303 00:22:22.259 --> 00:22:26.460 really dangerous right there, because you're both clearly smart people and you can rationalize 304 00:22:26.539 --> 00:22:30.170 things, but if you start rationalizing the negative side of things, it could 305 00:22:30.170 --> 00:22:36.730 go downhill really quickly. Yeah, sure, you know. And you know 306 00:22:36.849 --> 00:22:45.119 once she saw the other side of it and you know how everybody actually did 307 00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:48.200 care about her, you know then, you know, then she realized and 308 00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:53.839 she felt bad obviously about that, and you know, I was never angry 309 00:22:53.960 --> 00:22:59.029 with her about it. You know, I was never mad. I was 310 00:22:59.190 --> 00:23:03.069 never you know, how could you do this to me? I felt terribly 311 00:23:03.109 --> 00:23:10.069 about the whole situation and all I wanted to do is help her pick up 312 00:23:10.109 --> 00:23:14.740 the pieces and, you know, start over. You know, that's where 313 00:23:14.779 --> 00:23:18.819 my mindset, well for a book, comes into you know, got out 314 00:23:18.859 --> 00:23:23.579 of a horrible hospital situation and then started my blog, which was very freeing 315 00:23:23.819 --> 00:23:30.250 and a lot of people liked it and said it was good. So eventually 316 00:23:30.289 --> 00:23:33.970 I began to explore the option of turning a blog into a book and you 317 00:23:34.049 --> 00:23:37.410 know, the rest is history. Well, that's I did that. So 318 00:23:37.690 --> 00:23:42.160 back up a step. What made your hospital experience so sucky? Well, 319 00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:48.119 you got an hour. Yeah, the original place was just our you know, 320 00:23:48.519 --> 00:23:52.880 we actually live in between a fire station and a hospital in the hospitals 321 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:56.470 literally five minutes from us. You can walk to it. So it started 322 00:23:56.509 --> 00:24:00.430 out there and you know, I was under Suicide Watch while I was there 323 00:24:02.029 --> 00:24:07.349 for about four days. I wouldn't let me shower anything, and then they 324 00:24:07.390 --> 00:24:10.940 came to me and said, you know, the the fact that the matter 325 00:24:11.099 --> 00:24:15.500 is because of what you've done, the state is having you committed, and 326 00:24:15.859 --> 00:24:19.859 they told me about this this one place that was an hour away. Yeah, 327 00:24:19.940 --> 00:24:23.220 and it sounded like a nice place. We looked it up online and 328 00:24:23.329 --> 00:24:30.049 everything and it seemed really nice. The problem was they were they didn't have 329 00:24:30.250 --> 00:24:33.329 power for the same period of time where I needed to be admitted. So 330 00:24:33.450 --> 00:24:37.640 they found this other we literally we're out of power. Yeah, yeah, 331 00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:41.200 the power went down. Yeah, my Gosh. Yeah, I remember there 332 00:24:41.279 --> 00:24:44.960 was a storm that they lost power on that that time. What had happened? 333 00:24:45.079 --> 00:24:48.359 Yeah, but, yeah, then they physically lost power. It's God. 334 00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:52.150 So they couldn't. Yeah, so they couldn't accommodate her. Plus, 335 00:24:52.190 --> 00:24:55.910 I think they're trying to get it. By the time they got a free 336 00:24:55.990 --> 00:25:00.869 bed for her, that's when they lost power. Yeah, so they sent 337 00:25:00.990 --> 00:25:04.789 her to this other place in downtown Detroit, in the heart Ro wasn't downtown, 338 00:25:04.789 --> 00:25:08.259 but it was in the heart of Detroit in an area where you don't 339 00:25:08.660 --> 00:25:12.460 want to be, and that the hospital was just it was. It was 340 00:25:12.500 --> 00:25:18.380 a horrific experience. I mean I had to be striped shirt searched when I 341 00:25:18.420 --> 00:25:22.529 got there the treator like a criminal they did. And there are people there 342 00:25:22.650 --> 00:25:27.529 that were freaking out while I was being you know, they did the intake 343 00:25:27.730 --> 00:25:33.009 part and there are people screaming in the hallway and fighting in the hallway and 344 00:25:33.410 --> 00:25:36.559 if they didn't calm down they gave them a shot and just threw them in 345 00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:40.200 this empty room and they just like laid on the floor and drooled like a 346 00:25:40.319 --> 00:25:44.480 straight up looney bed, every the thing you imagine from a kid when they 347 00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:47.839 say you go into the crazy hospital. That's what that sounds like. It's 348 00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:51.190 exactly what it was. Was a woman who kept taking poop out of her 349 00:25:51.269 --> 00:25:56.190 toilet and smearing it on people's door handles and you know, it just I 350 00:25:56.349 --> 00:26:00.150 can't even it. I can't even. And thankfully I was only in there 351 00:26:00.190 --> 00:26:03.619 about four days, but you know, it was four days too long. 352 00:26:03.740 --> 00:26:07.900 It it felt like forever and that's a good learning moment this. I had 353 00:26:07.940 --> 00:26:12.660 the same conversation with the person over the weekend who had gone through something similar, 354 00:26:12.740 --> 00:26:18.059 and we both concurred with what you're saying now. Is If, yeah, 355 00:26:18.339 --> 00:26:22.410 it just basically the worst part about attempting suicide or getting to that level 356 00:26:22.890 --> 00:26:27.250 is actually going to the mental hospital. It's it's either boring or miserable or 357 00:26:27.369 --> 00:26:32.490 scary or designed to make you crazier. It's just like, what the fuck, 358 00:26:32.650 --> 00:26:34.960 this is not going to help anything. So we came to the conclusion 359 00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.880 that note we're not going to try to commit suicide ever because we don't want 360 00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:41.599 to go back to that. In that house. Yeah, yeah, that's 361 00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:44.759 a that's a big force for me too. That's always in the back of 362 00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:48.470 my mind. You know, I finally got to a stage where suicide doesn't 363 00:26:48.470 --> 00:26:51.230 seem like an answer for me, and that's a big part of it. 364 00:26:51.549 --> 00:26:56.710 Is My most recent experience at the hospital and and I'll never I'll never get 365 00:26:56.750 --> 00:27:00.549 that way again. Yeah, yeah, they already the irony of that Shitty 366 00:27:00.630 --> 00:27:04.259 healthcare can actually cure you from one one piece of the mental health puzzle. 367 00:27:04.380 --> 00:27:08.660 It's like, Yep. Anyway, I don't want to belittle suicide or anything, 368 00:27:08.740 --> 00:27:12.579 but for those who ever thought of it or you know, hopefully not 369 00:27:12.700 --> 00:27:17.289 thinking of it now, but if you have ever and didn't quite make it 370 00:27:17.369 --> 00:27:21.809 to the hospital part, consider yourself lucky. The hospital part is just miserable. 371 00:27:22.609 --> 00:27:26.089 Yeah, for sure. So then, so you wrote the book it's 372 00:27:26.130 --> 00:27:29.690 not your journey. People can pick that up on Amazon. Look for it's 373 00:27:29.730 --> 00:27:34.920 not your journey from Rebecca Lombardo. And then the Internet came around and and 374 00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:37.799 twitter happened. Right, you guys got on the twitter a few years back, 375 00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:41.640 HMM, more so her than me. I'm a bit of a late 376 00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:47.789 bloomer to it. I kept trying it and I kept getting confused. They 377 00:27:47.829 --> 00:27:52.589 didn't understand hashtags and it all seemed like a bunch of gibberish. And once 378 00:27:52.630 --> 00:27:56.029 I started to figure out exactly what was going on, then it became a 379 00:27:56.109 --> 00:27:59.779 valuable platform. Yeah, then she was like, Oh, this is great. 380 00:27:59.819 --> 00:28:03.140 I'm like, I don't get it. Yeah, I took a suck 381 00:28:03.460 --> 00:28:06.619 in because you have the ability to talk to famous people. Is that it? 382 00:28:06.740 --> 00:28:08.779 Yep, it's right time. When it when it actually happens, it 383 00:28:10.500 --> 00:28:12.410 just makes you it's like feeding an addiction. It just makes you want to 384 00:28:12.450 --> 00:28:15.369 do more twitter. Joh, I gotta, I gotta tell you this because 385 00:28:15.369 --> 00:28:19.289 you'll appreciate this. I have talked to Dave Mustan on twitter. Oh, 386 00:28:19.369 --> 00:28:23.970 Nice, yeah, DA's interesting character. Yeah, that's when are were putting 387 00:28:23.970 --> 00:28:30.400 it and he yeah, we were talking about the Netflix Daredevil TV show because 388 00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:33.599 the first season to come out and he hadn't seen it yet and I was 389 00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:37.759 just talking to because I know how much of a punisher fanny is and I 390 00:28:37.799 --> 00:28:41.509 knew punisher was going to be in season two. So, but anyway, 391 00:28:41.869 --> 00:28:45.549 I digress. Twitter, now that's fun. I do the same thing. 392 00:28:45.910 --> 00:28:49.990 You Know Maria Bamford, she has bipolar and she has the spence. She's 393 00:28:49.990 --> 00:28:53.390 a standup comic and she has a show called lady dynamite. If you guys 394 00:28:53.710 --> 00:28:57.619 have Netflix, check out lady dynamite. It's like basically her life as a 395 00:28:57.700 --> 00:29:04.380 bipolar person. It's amazing. So she was remember years ago, maybe less 396 00:29:04.380 --> 00:29:07.779 than ten or so, target had to add where a lady with the red 397 00:29:07.859 --> 00:29:12.490 sweater would just like hyperactive, run around like Manic, shopping waiting for target 398 00:29:12.569 --> 00:29:18.690 to open. That's all sounds vaguely familiar. Yeah, you might see it 399 00:29:18.730 --> 00:29:22.250 on old, old youtube ads or something like that. So, but that 400 00:29:22.450 --> 00:29:26.880 was this comic name Maria Bamford, and apparently during those period she was manic 401 00:29:27.079 --> 00:29:33.160 and in her new kind of story of her life, Meta Comic Series, 402 00:29:33.599 --> 00:29:40.190 they retail that story. Target is now called paychecks and but they talked about 403 00:29:40.309 --> 00:29:44.390 how they harness her when she's manic and then when she's depressed they will still 404 00:29:44.430 --> 00:29:47.910 want more from her. So it is really interesting just like Oh yeah, 405 00:29:47.950 --> 00:29:49.869 that happened and that happened. And part of the series she goes back to 406 00:29:51.509 --> 00:29:53.579 Duluth, what she calls her blue period. So the whole tenth of the 407 00:29:53.579 --> 00:29:57.539 screen is blue. So you know that she's jumping in time anyway, the 408 00:29:57.660 --> 00:30:03.660 NE effect was a she's like famous bipolar person and when she responds to me 409 00:30:03.779 --> 00:30:06.660 on twitter directly or answers like a question that I could tell like Oh, 410 00:30:06.740 --> 00:30:10.369 that's a human, a human actually wrote that. I guess it's super excited. 411 00:30:10.490 --> 00:30:14.170 So I be you're right. Twitter definitely levels the playing field in a 412 00:30:14.250 --> 00:30:18.970 really cool way. Yeah, and then, so you discovered Hashtags, right, 413 00:30:18.009 --> 00:30:22.400 or you made up hashtags or you just discovered the power of them. 414 00:30:22.440 --> 00:30:26.640 Yeah, that's basically it. For the longest time, I just I would, 415 00:30:27.000 --> 00:30:32.240 I would. I was one of those persons that would do Hashtag. 416 00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:34.829 I don't know if this is working. Let me know if you're going to 417 00:30:34.910 --> 00:30:38.190 you know. Yeah, those really long ones. And Yeah, I didn't 418 00:30:38.349 --> 00:30:42.829 it. Didn't understand that nobody was going to be looking for my you know, 419 00:30:44.470 --> 00:30:48.349 see part sentence right, that single Hashtag. I don't know if many 420 00:30:48.390 --> 00:30:51.980 people know that, though, because, like novice users don't often realize if 421 00:30:52.059 --> 00:30:55.460 you click on a Hashtag on twitter, it'll take you to a new page 422 00:30:55.700 --> 00:31:00.339 with everybody talking about that Hashtag. So if you didn't know that, check 423 00:31:00.339 --> 00:31:03.579 it out. That's why it's also, like you said, it's silly wohend, 424 00:31:03.619 --> 00:31:06.130 because I know a lot of people. There's a certain type of person 425 00:31:06.210 --> 00:31:08.250 that will hashtag anything like, Oh my God, I don't have any milk 426 00:31:08.329 --> 00:31:14.130 for my cheerios, Hashtag, no milk for Chereos. But if you go 427 00:31:14.250 --> 00:31:18.210 click no milk for Cheerios, there's like one Hashtag in the whole world that 428 00:31:18.329 --> 00:31:21.960 says that. But if you go to a cool and if you make up 429 00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:26.079 a cool one and kind of nurture the Hashtag over the years, you really 430 00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:30.160 created a nice database of quotes and links and all that sort of thing. 431 00:31:30.920 --> 00:31:33.589 Yeah, so how did you come? But Long, too long time to 432 00:31:33.630 --> 00:31:37.670 figure that out. And when you decided to make one, why did you 433 00:31:37.750 --> 00:31:40.390 make it the one that you ended up making it? Like, how did 434 00:31:40.390 --> 00:31:41.589 you come up with the name? was there any deep thought involved, or 435 00:31:41.670 --> 00:31:45.869 you like a fuck it, let's just call it this. There I wouldn't 436 00:31:45.869 --> 00:31:48.619 say there's deep thought involved, but basically what I did was I went to 437 00:31:51.460 --> 00:31:53.539 shoot. I can't remember the website now. It's just I'm just your on 438 00:31:53.579 --> 00:31:59.980 a blank, but it's a website where you can basically buy Hashtag eggs. 439 00:32:00.019 --> 00:32:04.849 You become the the creator and the the holder of Hashtags and you pay a 440 00:32:05.329 --> 00:32:12.730 very small, minimal fee and it becomes your Hashtag and I knew from piers 441 00:32:13.170 --> 00:32:16.160 on twitter that hashtags could be really powerful. I've watched, you know, 442 00:32:16.680 --> 00:32:23.680 stigma fighters and the not a shamed project and no stigmas, no stigma's right 443 00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:28.720 and just you know, and the stigma campaign and all that stuff. So 444 00:32:29.240 --> 00:32:34.150 I realized that they could be very powerful. So I started thinking I would 445 00:32:35.349 --> 00:32:38.349 get, I would pay for the Hashtag keep talking, because I felt like 446 00:32:38.430 --> 00:32:44.150 that was broad enough that it wouldn't narrow people down so much, to say 447 00:32:44.339 --> 00:32:46.980 just by polar disorder. They would be able to talk about whatever conditions they 448 00:32:47.019 --> 00:32:51.859 were dealing with. But that was taken. So then I just tacked on 449 00:32:51.940 --> 00:32:55.220 the MH on the end of it, and it wasn't taken. and Oh 450 00:32:55.259 --> 00:33:04.250 it was called the sites called twelves www dot twubscom. That's still around. 451 00:33:04.250 --> 00:33:07.930 Huh, twelvecom, and you could taps register, kind of like registering a 452 00:33:07.009 --> 00:33:10.210 star on your name. You could register a Hashtag in your name exactly, 453 00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:15.480 and that's what I did with keep talking mh, and it's just really blossoms 454 00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:17.839 from there and I'm so excited about it. How many people that use it? 455 00:33:19.000 --> 00:33:22.559 And it's funny because you know she did this like a year ago now. 456 00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:25.640 It's been a while. It's been a while. And once she got 457 00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:29.269 on there, her first big idea was, I want to get this thing 458 00:33:29.390 --> 00:33:30.430 corunt, you know, trending. I wanted to try and I wanted to 459 00:33:30.509 --> 00:33:34.829 trend. And you know, she's trying her little harder to get this thing 460 00:33:34.910 --> 00:33:38.789 to trend and no matter what she did, it wouldn't come up in the 461 00:33:38.990 --> 00:33:43.500 actual you know how you yeah, are the left search and it's yeah, 462 00:33:43.539 --> 00:33:45.220 and all the trending ones, and she got bummed out. I'm like, 463 00:33:45.299 --> 00:33:49.700 and I'm looking at going, but babe, do you realize how many people 464 00:33:49.740 --> 00:33:52.900 are using your Hashtag right now? You know, and it kept spreading and 465 00:33:52.940 --> 00:33:57.890 then we started seeing famous people using it and it's like, oh my gosh, 466 00:33:58.009 --> 00:34:01.089 this is becoming a thing. Yep, yeah, yeah, and the 467 00:34:01.170 --> 00:34:04.609 way you named it, I think, is important. I come from like 468 00:34:04.730 --> 00:34:07.849 a marketing and advertising background from the old days, and a lot of times 469 00:34:07.929 --> 00:34:13.679 when people have a message, especially when it's activism, the message tends to 470 00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:17.280 be anti something like no more guns, or what about, you know, 471 00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:22.079 whatever the thing is of the moment. So I think it's it's really cool 472 00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:28.949 that you guys made the Hashtag both proactive and a verb. So it's not 473 00:34:29.110 --> 00:34:31.230 like yeah, it's not like fuck suicide or all that kind of stuff, 474 00:34:31.230 --> 00:34:34.949 because, I mean, that's not something I can do. I can't. 475 00:34:35.269 --> 00:34:37.619 Suicide is not a thing and if it were, I couldn't go do that 476 00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:40.659 to it every day. It doesn't really make sense in the brain. But 477 00:34:40.900 --> 00:34:45.820 what you're saying with the Hashtag keep talking, mh as the reminder, but 478 00:34:45.059 --> 00:34:49.539 nonetheless keep talking. I think it's great, because that is the one thing 479 00:34:49.579 --> 00:34:52.610 that will keep somebody from actually killing themselves. You cannot kill yourself while you're 480 00:34:52.610 --> 00:34:59.610 talking. Yeah, that's that's very true, you know, and and it's 481 00:34:59.730 --> 00:35:06.329 broad enough that it encompasses all of mental health. All Right, mental illness, 482 00:35:06.369 --> 00:35:08.039 you know, and that was that was the goal. You know, 483 00:35:08.159 --> 00:35:12.719 it's not just bipolar, it's not just depression, it's, you know, 484 00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:17.840 OCD, it's did, it's anxiety. Yeah, that's you, you name 485 00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:22.190 it. You know, if it's tied to mental health in some way, 486 00:35:23.630 --> 00:35:28.269 we should be talking about it. You know, our goal and our goal 487 00:35:28.349 --> 00:35:31.349 with the podcast to is to to, you know, we keep saying, 488 00:35:31.389 --> 00:35:36.619 get the word out on but just to break the stick and make it socially 489 00:35:36.659 --> 00:35:39.780 acceptable to talk about it. And, more importantly, not have it be 490 00:35:40.019 --> 00:35:45.539 demonized, you know, and like this. The one problem that we've got 491 00:35:45.579 --> 00:35:51.969 going on right now immediately is this whole talk of guns and gun control and, 492 00:35:52.449 --> 00:35:57.210 you know, there's a certain side of this that's trying to spin it 493 00:35:58.610 --> 00:36:04.800 as a demonization of mental illness. You know, the chief chief among us, 494 00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:07.280 our attorney general, was trying to do that, you know, and 495 00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:12.159 it's like, cut it out, you know, don't demonize it, but 496 00:36:13.159 --> 00:36:16.320 help those that need it get the help. You know, yeah, provided 497 00:36:16.360 --> 00:36:20.750 scified. You know, that kind of thing exactly. You know, don't 498 00:36:20.789 --> 00:36:25.909 don't limit the treatment that people need and insist that people that want to buy 499 00:36:25.989 --> 00:36:30.429 guns do get, you know, testing for it. You know, and 500 00:36:30.550 --> 00:36:32.579 that's the thing that that kills me, and I'm going to say this really 501 00:36:32.579 --> 00:36:37.219 quick and get off my soapbox, because it drives me nuts. And we 502 00:36:37.380 --> 00:36:39.860 try really hard enough to talk politics on our shows. That's that's funny. 503 00:36:39.980 --> 00:36:44.139 Let me stop right there, because everybody I listened to that has a mental 504 00:36:44.179 --> 00:36:47.530 health podcast says they try not to talk about podkat politics, but we do, 505 00:36:47.769 --> 00:36:52.210 and honestly, I think it's important because we are humans in this world, 506 00:36:52.289 --> 00:36:55.329 like everybody else that votes and I think it's critical that we vote on 507 00:36:55.530 --> 00:36:59.969 our our issues. So, yes, this is true. This is true. 508 00:37:00.409 --> 00:37:05.519 My whole thing on it is, you know, for those of us 509 00:37:05.639 --> 00:37:09.400 that think those those people out there that think you like, we had the 510 00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:14.679 march on Saturday and you know, it's all about banning guns. We don't 511 00:37:14.719 --> 00:37:17.510 want to ban guns, okay, we're not asking for a full on band 512 00:37:17.550 --> 00:37:22.510 of guns when I asking for a repeal the second amendment. We're all we 513 00:37:22.590 --> 00:37:25.429 want to do is have some tighter regulations, make it a little harder to 514 00:37:25.550 --> 00:37:31.739 get them. You know, do universal background checks, do mental health checks. 515 00:37:31.780 --> 00:37:34.699 You know, if you go and get a car and you're driving a 516 00:37:34.820 --> 00:37:37.739 car, you have to have it. You have to pass a driver's license 517 00:37:37.860 --> 00:37:39.900 test, right, and you have to do that. You have to go 518 00:37:39.980 --> 00:37:44.530 back for a renewal every five years, you know, and that's a car. 519 00:37:44.929 --> 00:37:46.489 And those guys like to bring up well, you can kill people with 520 00:37:46.610 --> 00:37:50.210 cars, yeah, but you also have to jump through a bunch of hoops 521 00:37:50.250 --> 00:37:52.369 to get one of the first place. Yeah, the well regulated still at 522 00:37:52.369 --> 00:37:54.809 least do the well regulated part. If you want to have a militia, 523 00:37:55.210 --> 00:38:00.280 well regulated militia would mean not allowing crazies into your club. No, no, 524 00:38:00.599 --> 00:38:05.119 exactly, you know. So that's all we're asking for, you know, 525 00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:12.559 just concede a little bit. Every other thing that's out there has protections, 526 00:38:12.599 --> 00:38:15.150 has has rules and has this and that. You know, we're all 527 00:38:15.230 --> 00:38:19.869 protected by the First Amendment. But you can't run into a movie theater and 528 00:38:19.909 --> 00:38:23.309 Yell Fire. Right, exactly. That's not protected, you know. But 529 00:38:23.710 --> 00:38:28.099 according to their argument, yeah, you can run new movie theater and do 530 00:38:28.260 --> 00:38:31.260 that because it's your first amendment. Right. You know, why doesn't a 531 00:38:31.300 --> 00:38:35.579 second amendment get the same thing? Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox. 532 00:38:35.699 --> 00:38:37.780 No more second amendment. Let's go in. That's a super valid point, 533 00:38:37.820 --> 00:38:44.730 though, because if we've got mental health advocates and activists say and, you 534 00:38:44.809 --> 00:38:49.170 know, tightened down on our own people, then that's saying something. And 535 00:38:49.289 --> 00:38:52.929 if you've got the NI saying no, don't listen to the crazy people. 536 00:38:52.969 --> 00:38:54.719 We don't need to tighten down the crazy people. It's just the whole thing 537 00:38:54.760 --> 00:38:59.559 is like we're in Lala land. But yeah, I digress. Let's get 538 00:38:59.599 --> 00:39:01.400 back to them. But yeah, so anyway, and but on your point, 539 00:39:01.719 --> 00:39:05.960 if you have a mental illness, don't hesitate to talk politics, engage 540 00:39:06.039 --> 00:39:09.789 in politics, and vote for the people that support funding for mental health initiatives. 541 00:39:10.550 --> 00:39:13.750 Whether or not you're opposed to guns or not, that's really not not 542 00:39:14.110 --> 00:39:16.510 the issue at a right and as much is use some of that money to 543 00:39:16.630 --> 00:39:22.630 help the sick. Right exactly, you know. You know we're talking about 544 00:39:22.630 --> 00:39:25.739 it and we're trying to get the word out more, you know, but 545 00:39:25.940 --> 00:39:31.420 we also need the funding, we need the help. We need, you 546 00:39:31.539 --> 00:39:37.659 know, psychiatrists and psychologists that are compassionate, that are caring, that will 547 00:39:37.570 --> 00:39:45.409 listen to to the listen to us and they'll take an active interest in treating 548 00:39:45.449 --> 00:39:49.170 us. You know, backs doctors and twenty, twenty years to finally find 549 00:39:49.210 --> 00:39:52.280 a good doctor. Yeah, and she's and she's awesome and she listens and 550 00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:57.039 she cares to what Beck goes through. You know. Well, I guess 551 00:39:57.119 --> 00:40:00.280 the main problem is that people are way more expensive than pills, you know, 552 00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:02.880 because that that's always been the key with me. It's easy to find 553 00:40:02.920 --> 00:40:07.349 a doctor to prescribe pills of one days or the other. It's much more 554 00:40:07.429 --> 00:40:12.989 difficult not only to find a therapist at all, but to find one that 555 00:40:13.110 --> 00:40:15.349 that could actually help, that's a good fit. So, yeah, I 556 00:40:15.510 --> 00:40:19.269 hear it. And then all just cost money. If people don't want crazy 557 00:40:19.309 --> 00:40:22.659 people running around the countryside, you know, sleeping on the street corner, 558 00:40:22.699 --> 00:40:25.539 or if they believe crazy people are shooting up schools. If you don't want 559 00:40:25.539 --> 00:40:30.059 that happening, then fund mental health initiatives. That's all. Yeah, yeah, 560 00:40:30.179 --> 00:40:34.739 so we got like four minutes left. Let's let's hype some more things 561 00:40:34.780 --> 00:40:37.369 for you guys, because I love hyping things. So okay, so the 562 00:40:37.530 --> 00:40:43.050 listener again, Becca Lombardo. Under Rebecca Lombardo wrote it's not your journey of 563 00:40:43.250 --> 00:40:47.769 failable on Amazon. That's awesome, and then you can always join Joe, 564 00:40:47.969 --> 00:40:52.679 Rebecca, myself all of the other cast of characters on twitter just by finding 565 00:40:52.760 --> 00:41:00.000 the Hashtag keep talking, mh. Click on that and you'll see us there, 566 00:41:00.039 --> 00:41:01.280 and if you don't see us, we'll see plenty of other people using 567 00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:06.070 it. And feel free to Hashtag things when you bring it up, like 568 00:41:06.389 --> 00:41:08.190 Joe said, any kind of mental health issue, because I think a lot 569 00:41:08.230 --> 00:41:13.789 of these are still in the kind of introductory process of scientific discovery. I 570 00:41:13.869 --> 00:41:20.739 don't think most scientists know what bipolar disorder is. Borderline personality disorders another strong 571 00:41:20.860 --> 00:41:23.780 connected disorder to bipolar. A lot of people have both of those and don't 572 00:41:23.820 --> 00:41:29.460 realize it or know it just because doctors haven't talked about it. And I 573 00:41:29.619 --> 00:41:34.650 definitely have anxiety disorders, post traumatic stress. You know this. Very few 574 00:41:34.690 --> 00:41:37.449 things, once you start peeling the onion back, that you realize you don't 575 00:41:37.489 --> 00:41:42.050 have. So I can appreciate that. Keep talking, MH. That kind 576 00:41:42.050 --> 00:41:45.929 of spreads out and let's everybody on the spectrum communicate with each other to let 577 00:41:45.969 --> 00:41:51.159 it to let us know that we're not alone. Basically, yeah, yeah, 578 00:41:51.239 --> 00:41:53.599 it's huge. Then you guys go to DBSA groups just out of curiosity. 579 00:41:53.639 --> 00:41:55.880 Do you know what that is? Yes, I do know what it 580 00:41:57.000 --> 00:42:01.949 is. I have not been. I just haven't planets haven't having aligned. 581 00:42:02.190 --> 00:42:05.909 But yeah, cool, but yes, I do, I do know what 582 00:42:06.070 --> 00:42:07.469 that is. Yeah, they're pretty fun it. So if anybody out there 583 00:42:07.590 --> 00:42:12.630 is a solo, a single doesn't have a partner, try the DB Essay 584 00:42:12.750 --> 00:42:17.619 for Die Depression bipolar support alliance to me. Maybe you made a partner there. 585 00:42:17.619 --> 00:42:22.420 I want to do an episode of a podcast about mental health dating, 586 00:42:22.619 --> 00:42:27.780 like people with mental health issues dating other people with mental health issues. HMM, 587 00:42:27.940 --> 00:42:30.650 it's yeah, that would be a good topic because, like, in 588 00:42:30.849 --> 00:42:34.010 part of me says, well, at least that person understands me. But 589 00:42:34.170 --> 00:42:37.849 on the other half you have society out there going no, those fuckers shouldn't 590 00:42:37.889 --> 00:42:45.280 breed. So somewhere in between is is maybe equilibrium, but I'm always curious 591 00:42:45.280 --> 00:42:50.280 about that. You guys working on what? Like? How's your life like? 592 00:42:50.559 --> 00:42:52.920 Are you going to do different projects? Is the project the persistent, 593 00:42:53.119 --> 00:42:58.199 like keep the keep talking, mhs, Hashtag going, like persist with that. 594 00:42:58.829 --> 00:43:01.190 Your your book. I'll show you're always promoting the book and then you 595 00:43:01.269 --> 00:43:05.710 have the podcast to promote the book. You do one other things. So 596 00:43:05.869 --> 00:43:08.269 let me get that clear. So what is voices for change to? Oh 597 00:43:08.389 --> 00:43:13.380 that's your podcast name. Yeah, change. To point out it's version, 598 00:43:14.179 --> 00:43:17.539 because we started out with one network and we left that network and started with 599 00:43:17.619 --> 00:43:21.260 a new one. So, Yep, we have to distinguish that. You. 600 00:43:21.739 --> 00:43:24.739 But shout out to left of straight radio network. Yes, absolutely, 601 00:43:24.739 --> 00:43:29.329 left of straight. I like that. That's a network like a they assembled 602 00:43:29.409 --> 00:43:35.809 podcasts of similar taste. I guess, is how they they are in Lgbtq 603 00:43:36.449 --> 00:43:42.320 network and you know, we one thing that we pride ourselves on is we're 604 00:43:42.360 --> 00:43:50.639 allies. You know, sure, we absolutely support the LGBTQ community. You 605 00:43:50.760 --> 00:43:54.559 know, again, one thing that I've always struggled with my entire life is 606 00:43:54.710 --> 00:43:58.670 discrimination. I don't I don't get it in any of its forms. You 607 00:43:58.789 --> 00:44:06.510 know. So you know by all means we support Lgbtq, and you, 608 00:44:06.630 --> 00:44:10.260 our producer, Scott, is an awesome guy and we love them. You 609 00:44:10.380 --> 00:44:15.059 know, he's become a good friend of others. And why do you bring 610 00:44:15.099 --> 00:44:19.179 him up? Is He gay? Is He awesome gay? He is awesome 611 00:44:19.300 --> 00:44:21.900 gay. He's an awesome gay. All right, Scott, thanks for your 612 00:44:21.940 --> 00:44:24.489 help. Man. Yeah, he is. He is a big bear of 613 00:44:24.530 --> 00:44:28.409 a man and, like I said, we love them. He's a hell 614 00:44:28.449 --> 00:44:32.289 of a guy and you know, we're grateful to him for giving us a 615 00:44:32.409 --> 00:44:36.969 platform to do it we do. We wouldn't still be doing it if it 616 00:44:37.050 --> 00:44:39.519 weren't for him. That's all. Yeah, and his enthusiasm and everything. 617 00:44:39.719 --> 00:44:43.800 So, yeah, he takes everything in stride. So we're in yeah, 618 00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:52.230 I'm in San Francisco. You speak of my language, brother sister, cheese 619 00:44:52.349 --> 00:44:59.989 and five joy that, excuse me, by other quality