I'm Starving For Attention! What Becomes Of The Hungry Ghosts?

WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.879 --> 00:00:15.029 I was just reading an article earlier today. It did a study that where 2 00:00:15.029 --> 00:00:18.589 they starved people of food, not starve, starved, but, you know, 3 00:00:18.789 --> 00:00:23.420 restricted their food to the point that they were hungry. These are all 4 00:00:23.460 --> 00:00:29.780 voluntary subjects to no tortures happening here. Well, I guess kind of. 5 00:00:30.379 --> 00:00:34.299 But they signed off on it, they had permission, they asked the permission 6 00:00:34.340 --> 00:00:39.969 and got it. So the test subjects were denied food and they detected what 7 00:00:40.090 --> 00:00:44.890 part of the brain was lit up, basically trying to find out what part 8 00:00:44.929 --> 00:00:48.729 of your brain lights up when you're hungry for food. And then they took 9 00:00:49.049 --> 00:00:55.679 the same people and with full bellies, a different time. Then they denied 10 00:00:55.799 --> 00:01:03.829 them human attention and sure enough, as you could imagine, the exact same 11 00:01:03.989 --> 00:01:11.629 parts of their brain lit up when they were hungry for attention. So there 12 00:01:11.709 --> 00:01:15.950 really is a mechanism. So a person that's, you know, the kind 13 00:01:15.989 --> 00:01:21.299 of the class that cliche starving for attention. They really are as far as 14 00:01:21.340 --> 00:01:26.260 the brain goes, and perception is reality, and this isn't just misperception. 15 00:01:26.420 --> 00:01:32.340 Our brain really is hardwire. are to see the lack of human interaction in 16 00:01:33.129 --> 00:01:36.450 the same way it sees the lack of food in other words, it's wired 17 00:01:36.489 --> 00:01:41.049 to think that both of those things are essential for life. Then it got 18 00:01:41.090 --> 00:01:46.810 me to thinking about the term sad fishing. You familiar with that term on 19 00:01:46.849 --> 00:01:53.680 the Internet? It's about people who, I don't know. They it's alleged 20 00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:59.959 that there are being more performative and their sadness just to get attention. But 21 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:05.870 it's kind of like, in my mind, if you are like a like, 22 00:02:06.030 --> 00:02:09.270 say a hungry person, say a beggar on the street corner, I 23 00:02:09.430 --> 00:02:13.509 mean, and tons of people give them money. That's why they stand there 24 00:02:14.509 --> 00:02:19.379 and I don't think anybody says she, you know, get a job, 25 00:02:19.580 --> 00:02:22.500 you bomb. I don't think. I mean they used to say that, 26 00:02:22.620 --> 00:02:25.979 I think a lot more. When I was a kid, times were different 27 00:02:27.020 --> 00:02:30.889 than but nowadays I think of people understand that their home was. They don't 28 00:02:30.930 --> 00:02:32.289 want to see, you know, the average person doesn't want to see the 29 00:02:32.490 --> 00:02:37.689 homeless because they're kind of repulsed by that. I don't know if it's their 30 00:02:37.689 --> 00:02:45.960 own internal guilt or whatever reason, but they don't typically sneer at them anymore 31 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:47.719 the way they used to. I don't know, maybe you might have some 32 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:52.879 older relatives, but that's what I'm saying. Older generations used to look at 33 00:02:52.919 --> 00:02:57.960 homeless people and the hungry as people who just didn't try hard enough. Mental 34 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:01.389 illness didn't come into the equation back then. So if we're not going to 35 00:03:01.469 --> 00:03:07.909 blame a person for being hungry, why would we diminish a person? That's 36 00:03:08.030 --> 00:03:13.500 sad fishing. I started to wander out loud, not out loud in my 37 00:03:13.659 --> 00:03:20.979 own head, it's loud out loud to myself. And Yeah, because being 38 00:03:21.060 --> 00:03:25.780 lonely something else. Wanting human attention is clearly hard wired into us and I 39 00:03:25.819 --> 00:03:30.969 don't think that's a bad thing. And that's different than liking to be alone, 40 00:03:30.090 --> 00:03:34.009 because when I try to have this conversation with a lot of my friends 41 00:03:34.050 --> 00:03:37.569 who are not as studied as I am on the ways of the brain, 42 00:03:38.610 --> 00:03:39.849 they're like, oh no, dude, I fucking love to be alone, 43 00:03:39.849 --> 00:03:45.039 and like that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about loneliness. So 44 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:53.000 loneliness is not being heard by others around you. When you're alone, that's 45 00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:57.389 something different if you're lonely, when you are lone, it's basically not being 46 00:03:57.509 --> 00:04:02.229 heard by yourself. So, regardless if you're in a group of people or 47 00:04:02.389 --> 00:04:09.949 by yourself, the concept of loneliness is purely a comparison of how you wish 48 00:04:10.060 --> 00:04:14.780 to be understood and how you feel that you're really being understood in that moment. 49 00:04:15.139 --> 00:04:20.339 And so if you don't feel understood after a while around other people, 50 00:04:20.899 --> 00:04:26.569 you'll start to misunderstand yourself as well. You'll start to question everything, like 51 00:04:26.810 --> 00:04:30.569 why, why don't people understand me? I look and appear normal, I 52 00:04:31.370 --> 00:04:34.810 I feel like a normal me, like we are kind of like the thoughts. 53 00:04:35.529 --> 00:04:40.519 I mean, how did what? How do is it? We are 54 00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:45.000 the space between our thoughts. So when we're actively thinking, that's a lot 55 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:47.839 of stuff that's part us, that's part of programming, part our environment. 56 00:04:48.279 --> 00:04:51.680 But I'm talking about our soul, I think. I mean it just feels 57 00:04:51.720 --> 00:04:55.550 this way to me, that our soul is what happens between our thoughts. 58 00:04:56.670 --> 00:05:03.310 And if you have a mind disorder or a dysfunction in your brain which makes 59 00:05:03.310 --> 00:05:09.620 it difficult or almost impossible, to accurately, makes it hard to accurately connect 60 00:05:09.620 --> 00:05:15.540 your inner soul to the outside world, you really feel misunderstood all the time, 61 00:05:16.259 --> 00:05:19.300 no matter what you could look like. You belong. In fact that 62 00:05:19.699 --> 00:05:25.529 people talk to me in public a lot like they know me and I belong 63 00:05:25.649 --> 00:05:28.930 there, but I don't feel like it. I feel anxious. I feel 64 00:05:28.970 --> 00:05:31.889 like, who are these people? Because they're not going to understand me, 65 00:05:31.930 --> 00:05:34.839 me, and then I'm going to say something weird. Well, I mean 66 00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:40.519 then it's that way with all my friends forever. and kind of alluding to 67 00:05:40.600 --> 00:05:46.160 the safety net we were talking about yesterday, there's the meaning if people don't 68 00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:49.709 understand me, then they don't know how to how to help, so they 69 00:05:49.790 --> 00:05:54.990 can't be part of the safety that either because they just they aren't equipped. 70 00:05:55.389 --> 00:05:58.990 And if I don't know how to communicate to them, well, I'm not 71 00:05:59.069 --> 00:06:02.230 equipped even help them help me, and then it gets kind of dire. 72 00:06:03.339 --> 00:06:08.660 Not to be a downer, but I'm just kind of skating this really thin 73 00:06:08.740 --> 00:06:15.980 edge right now because, man, last year I just thought this year would 74 00:06:15.980 --> 00:06:18.490 be different at Thanksgiving, that's all, that's all. I just thought, 75 00:06:19.290 --> 00:06:25.329 because of the pandemic, that everybody would stay puts and then I would have 76 00:06:25.850 --> 00:06:31.529 holidays with my kids and I was looking forward to that. And now I 77 00:06:31.649 --> 00:06:35.439 don't think that's happening and I'm just kind of been kept in the dark about 78 00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:43.720 whatever's going on. So on one side I find myself now stuck in the 79 00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:47.910 middle of the country, without any close friends or family to even talk to, 80 00:06:48.670 --> 00:06:54.350 let alone spend time with. Some I'm stuck in a box for Thanksgiving 81 00:06:56.069 --> 00:07:00.029 with with nobody I know, alone that that sucks. I've all I mean, 82 00:07:00.069 --> 00:07:02.060 I had kids to have a family. I planned kids with my wife 83 00:07:02.100 --> 00:07:05.019 for the time and I wanted to have a family, to have a family 84 00:07:05.060 --> 00:07:10.459 because it's what I did not have when I grew up. So now that 85 00:07:10.579 --> 00:07:15.850 I have these opportunities each year and they just fuck, they just keep coming 86 00:07:15.930 --> 00:07:20.089 and going every year and it really it hurts. I do know. I'd 87 00:07:20.370 --> 00:07:24.250 say I don't know, but if I can know if fucking hurts. Like 88 00:07:24.370 --> 00:07:29.490 you always want to try to give of life your best and sometimes it seems 89 00:07:29.529 --> 00:07:35.319 like life doesn't really give you the opportunities when you want or when you're able 90 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:41.000 to give your best, like okay, can I try now, like Nope, 91 00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:44.279 you have to wait, and then when you wait for the opportunities around 92 00:07:44.790 --> 00:07:50.029 to be your best, you fail and then just people think you're failure. 93 00:07:51.069 --> 00:08:01.779 So that's why I'm thinking about loneliness and what alone means and disconnectedness means in 94 00:08:01.860 --> 00:08:05.939 general. I felt that way grown up to I was always the new kid 95 00:08:05.019 --> 00:08:11.740 in class continually moving and moving, and you know, when you're the new 96 00:08:11.779 --> 00:08:16.930 kid in class you don't make friends like back in the day or whatever. 97 00:08:16.449 --> 00:08:20.050 They bully kids, right, they bully. Is a hierarchy, of course, 98 00:08:20.490 --> 00:08:26.360 and special needs kids, Brown kids, black kids, girls. You 99 00:08:26.439 --> 00:08:30.600 know, there's a hierarchy of bullies. Clearly, if you don't know it, 100 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:35.120 then you haven't been in school. But at the bottom of this hierarchy 101 00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:39.039 is the fucking new kid. So, because my parents would kick me back 102 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:43.909 and forth from house to house, I was perpetually the new kid. I 103 00:08:43.990 --> 00:08:48.990 went to twelve schools from kindergarten to twelve grade alone, and I'm like, 104 00:08:50.070 --> 00:08:54.029 Damn, that's a lot, and so I kind of have this wiring to 105 00:08:54.110 --> 00:08:56.580 think that go on the outcast, I'm the misfit. So when it came 106 00:08:56.700 --> 00:09:03.139 time to like have family or girlfriends or when I got married, I was 107 00:09:03.259 --> 00:09:05.220 the misfit. They always put me at that kids table. Like I'm a 108 00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:09.700 grown ass man and they put me at the kids table. I relate to 109 00:09:09.779 --> 00:09:11.929 kids cool and but they would chalk that up as the reason that they put 110 00:09:11.970 --> 00:09:16.210 me there. And after a while I was just reserved to the fact that 111 00:09:16.370 --> 00:09:20.450 fuck at these people don't have any respect for me in the same sense. 112 00:09:22.009 --> 00:09:26.799 So yeah, I guess maybe I'm thankful that I'm alone for Thanksgiving. And 113 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:31.159 the fucked up thing is, like everybody I know that's an adult, they 114 00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:37.240 know that I'm emotional and I'm sensitive and I like the holidays and they all 115 00:09:37.480 --> 00:09:45.070 know that I'm alone and they all seem to be okay with it. I 116 00:09:45.190 --> 00:09:50.830 don't know, maybe maybe you could call and wish me a happy Thanksgiving or 117 00:09:50.909 --> 00:09:56.940 something, or leave me a review or send me an email something. As 118 00:09:56.980 --> 00:10:01.259 a website, you can go to Johnny mootionscom. Is All the there's a 119 00:10:01.299 --> 00:10:05.659 link tree there. You can find out all the different ways. There's a 120 00:10:05.820 --> 00:10:09.490 phone number on the contact page. You can just leave me a voicemail, 121 00:10:09.210 --> 00:10:13.129 because people say, oh well, if you don't have a family, you 122 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:16.490 can make your own new family. You can choose, so your new family 123 00:10:16.610 --> 00:10:24.840 is. Well, there's not a lot of volunteers, honestly, and each 124 00:10:24.919 --> 00:10:28.279 year it seems to grow darker and darker. Like people used to tell me 125 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:35.360 man ure so you really have a sunny personality, like weird kind of cheesy 126 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:39.470 shit like that, but they were right, they did. Feels like each 127 00:10:39.509 --> 00:10:45.590 time you get like a knife stuck in. Yeah, you get a little 128 00:10:45.590 --> 00:10:58.100 more scarred and eventually all you are scars and even if you try to heal 129 00:10:58.139 --> 00:11:01.820 the wounds, sometimes the skin it's like the scar tissue is so tough for 130 00:11:01.899 --> 00:11:07.250 a reason, because I'm not sitting here trying to collect wounds and analyze them, 131 00:11:07.289 --> 00:11:11.409 I'm trying to like heal them. But man, it just each year, 132 00:11:15.769 --> 00:11:18.759 you know, you try to have and of course vision. People will 133 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:22.440 say, oh, but it's covid. You know, we're all limiting our 134 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:26.080 fucking holiday plans. Yeah, I get it, but you're still hanging out 135 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:31.120 with somebody. Somebody, maybe it's the person that you live with and didn't 136 00:11:31.120 --> 00:11:39.870 want to be with. Well, at least it's somebody. Right, I 137 00:11:41.029 --> 00:11:52.299 gotta go. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. And now back to the 138 00:11:52.379 --> wall.