If there is no proof of my past ... Am I even real? John ponders the Memory Hole.

WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.439 --> 00:00:07.509 But what we have is a reflection, like we have another human to reflect 2 00:00:07.549 --> 00:00:11.189 upon, to check that I'm still real. I don't know if I'm real. 3 00:00:11.550 --> 00:00:14.269 Am I going to whom? I'm going to check it against some somebody 4 00:00:14.710 --> 00:00:17.789 in Oklahoma. How does that proof that I'm real? I don't know. 5 00:00:18.269 --> 00:00:22.859 So in my mind you're an attachment to what is real. A fucking text 6 00:00:22.899 --> 00:00:26.100 back and forth with a friend from high school that's like, Oh, I'm 7 00:00:26.140 --> 00:00:30.460 real. So it's a kind of a reflection thing to me. It's a 8 00:00:30.699 --> 00:00:33.579 in that sense. It does field. That's that's weird. Yeah, or 9 00:00:33.619 --> 00:00:38.049 a connection to reality because we've all been boxed up for so long it's like, 10 00:00:38.170 --> 00:00:41.250 well, what it whears my reality? I don't have like photo albums 11 00:00:41.289 --> 00:00:44.530 of me as a kid. I don't. I don't know, like how 12 00:00:44.570 --> 00:00:48.490 do I even know I have a past. So that's me in particular, 13 00:00:48.530 --> 00:00:50.799 but I think a lot of humans have that same thing. When we've been 14 00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:54.119 boxed up, it's like well, fuck, I need some reflection and you 15 00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:56.799 need in person that you know and trust from the old days, from the 16 00:00:56.840 --> 00:01:00.159 old times, to check with. It's like hey, is this a real 17 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:03.880 thought? Is this fucking valid? Is Rational? Do you think that's by 18 00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:07.069 design, though, because you've always been that type since I've known you, 19 00:01:07.510 --> 00:01:11.709 that when you do something, you move on from it, you don't want 20 00:01:11.709 --> 00:01:19.219 to save it. MMM, I don't know how you mean. Okay, 21 00:01:19.819 --> 00:01:27.260 best example would be you mentioned that you do not have a photo book of 22 00:01:27.620 --> 00:01:34.969 you a being young. Is that because you've chose not to have one in 23 00:01:34.129 --> 00:01:41.930 your in your possession, or just no pictures were taken? No picture. 24 00:01:42.329 --> 00:01:46.890 There were pictures taken, I just I don't have those albums. Your mom 25 00:01:47.049 --> 00:01:52.799 probably does. Maybe they existed in my ex she had a bunch too. 26 00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:56.760 They existed, but how do I know that? They just didn't dump them 27 00:01:56.760 --> 00:02:01.670 into fire pit and now I don't exist in the past. Okay, but 28 00:02:01.829 --> 00:02:05.790 why would you go down that path? Why wouldn't you be a little bit 29 00:02:05.829 --> 00:02:09.949 more optimistic and say, yeah, they're out there somewhere? I don't really 30 00:02:09.990 --> 00:02:14.069 think about it that much. I tried to just establish connections with people from 31 00:02:14.110 --> 00:02:16.139 the past instead. That makes more sense to me, because I can't talk 32 00:02:16.219 --> 00:02:21.060 to photos or memories or things of the past, but it's easy for me. 33 00:02:21.219 --> 00:02:23.060 Like I know you from the past, I know my friend, you 34 00:02:23.139 --> 00:02:28.379 know Steve and Sacramento from the past. Sure, any time I connect with 35 00:02:28.460 --> 00:02:31.289 people from the past, like Oh, okay, there's some slight root of 36 00:02:31.370 --> 00:02:36.969 reality to me. Well, I get that. I'm just saying, though, 37 00:02:37.729 --> 00:02:45.120 that because my parents kept albums of photos from, you know, the 38 00:02:45.240 --> 00:02:53.080 time I was born to I'd say the lab maybe ten years ago, there 39 00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:58.080 are photo books to you know, refer back to right, you have access. 40 00:02:58.120 --> 00:03:00.669 Yet I don't have access to those. You do. That's the difference. 41 00:03:00.710 --> 00:03:02.710 That's what I'm trying to say. That's the difference. I don't have 42 00:03:02.830 --> 00:03:08.270 access to my past and it feels fucking weird. But I'm saying if you 43 00:03:08.750 --> 00:03:13.979 talk to your mom about it and said like Hey, do you actually have 44 00:03:14.139 --> 00:03:19.020 photo books of me, and if she says no, then there you go. 45 00:03:19.539 --> 00:03:22.979 But maybe she says yeah, of course, yes, she might, 46 00:03:23.020 --> 00:03:24.819 or my not, I'm not going to be able to get to them, 47 00:03:25.060 --> 00:03:28.490 like you know what I mean. So what's the point? And I got 48 00:03:28.530 --> 00:03:30.889 to sell them to me. Yeah, I get that. I'm just saying, 49 00:03:30.930 --> 00:03:36.490 though, that I want to say that most parents did take pictures and 50 00:03:36.610 --> 00:03:42.319 kept them of their of their kids. Yeah, yeah, George, yeah, 51 00:03:42.319 --> 00:03:44.439 I know, we took him of our kids with me in them. 52 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:47.120 Like there's pictures of me and my kids together that I just don't have access 53 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:51.800 to. So I wonder if they still exist. And even if someone said 54 00:03:51.800 --> 00:03:53.280 yes, they exist, there's no way for me to have to have any 55 00:03:53.360 --> 00:03:58.550 proof of that. I bet they do. Maybe I'm just saying deep be 56 00:03:58.669 --> 00:04:00.830 optimistic instead of being, you know, like, Oh yeah, they're probably 57 00:04:00.870 --> 00:04:03.629 fucking throw them away or, you know, burn them and whatever. I 58 00:04:04.229 --> 00:04:10.539 I'm optimistic and saying that they're stuff out there with you and those photos and 59 00:04:10.860 --> 00:04:13.580 with your kids. Or yeah, maybe, you know when you were a 60 00:04:13.620 --> 00:04:19.620 kid too. Probably, maybe. So I think there's an imprint. I'm 61 00:04:19.699 --> 00:04:23.540 not actually, no, that's not the right word. I think there's photos 62 00:04:23.579 --> 00:04:29.209 of every single human out there some kind. HMM, yeah, probably, 63 00:04:29.449 --> 00:04:32.649 just probably not all the ones I remember taking right, right, you might, 64 00:04:32.730 --> 00:04:36.370 you might look you okay, say you can come back here for a 65 00:04:36.449 --> 00:04:41.519 visit and you visit mom and you bring it up to hers to say Hey, 66 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:44.639 do you got photo books at me or photo books of the kids or 67 00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:46.319 Blah, blah blah, and she goes well, yes, a matter of 68 00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:49.319 fact, John, here here's a here's what I can dig up for you. 69 00:04:49.839 --> 00:04:53.589 Oh yeah, now she's got like a fucking rack full of them. 70 00:04:53.589 --> 00:04:55.589 I just don't know what's in them, you know. I mean I know 71 00:04:55.629 --> 00:04:59.470 where they are, unless she's re arranged, but I mean like a gigantic 72 00:04:59.509 --> 00:05:03.269 bookshelf. It looks like Encyclopedia Britannica because, remember, she's crafty, so 73 00:05:03.430 --> 00:05:08.660 she makes like scrap book giant covers and there's probably more than just photos in 74 00:05:08.740 --> 00:05:13.300 there, but I don't know. Yeah, for sure. Sometimes I think 75 00:05:13.339 --> 00:05:17.459 she just threw all mine away and get my sisters. Why, though, 76 00:05:18.699 --> 00:05:21.449 because when I've gone over there, those are the only pictures I see on 77 00:05:21.529 --> 00:05:27.449 the wall. Oh, okay, I see what you're okay, I see 78 00:05:27.449 --> 00:05:31.290 what you're getting now, all right, it's a little bit creepy. That's 79 00:05:31.290 --> 00:05:35.079 why I get the feeling that of a favorite one. Oh, of course, 80 00:05:38.199 --> 00:05:42.639 but he was the favorite one and you were the outcast. Only later 81 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:46.959 in life. Yeah, teen years on right. Yeah, yeah, after 82 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:49.910 they kick me out of them. Of course, I didn't become what they 83 00:05:49.990 --> 00:05:53.110 wanted to me to be. After they kick me out of the House. 84 00:05:53.870 --> 00:05:59.149 Go figure. We you are not being all you can be. Just wasn't 85 00:05:59.189 --> 00:06:01.310 conforming with what you to be. Yeah, and that they would. They 86 00:06:01.310 --> 00:06:05.259 were never specific as to what they wanted me to because I was just better. 87 00:06:06.060 --> 00:06:15.019 That's an impossible task. You've straally, you've striven, striven. Yeah, 88 00:06:15.100 --> 00:06:17.420 I think about that word a lot to what why am I keep striving? 89 00:06:17.540 --> 00:06:20.250 What? What's this about so being, so striven? And I'm like 90 00:06:20.449 --> 00:06:24.930 that's not a word. Or dren, it's not driven. I don't know, 91 00:06:25.889 --> 00:06:29.569 it's driven. I tried to just try to keep stepping forward if you 92 00:06:29.610 --> 00:06:34.000 don't have a choice. But yeah, the lack of photos makes me guess. 93 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:40.800 I've been reading one thousand nineteen eighty four, remember again, and that's 94 00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:44.920 a big things like who controls the past? Controls the present? Who controls 95 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:47.629 the you know, present control of the future, so on, so forth. 96 00:06:48.149 --> 00:06:50.629 But a big thing in one thousand nine hundred eighty four is they have 97 00:06:50.750 --> 00:06:56.269 this thing called the memory hole, and it's most buildings that are government buildings, 98 00:06:56.310 --> 00:07:00.829 because most buildings are government buildings in this future have slits in the walls, 99 00:07:00.870 --> 00:07:03.500 vertical slits kind of ovows, couple inches wide, foot or so long, 100 00:07:04.980 --> 00:07:10.980 that lead to a duct that just turn everything you drop them there into 101 00:07:11.060 --> 00:07:15.170 a furnace, destroys it. So if you go to the Ministry of truth, 102 00:07:15.370 --> 00:07:20.410 their whole job is to go back in history and rewrite articles and destroy 103 00:07:20.529 --> 00:07:25.209 the original articles and photographs and so forth and put them in the memory hole 104 00:07:25.889 --> 00:07:31.160 so that history never happened. The new history is the history. HMM. 105 00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:34.480 So I often think. I'm like, well, they could just fucking race 106 00:07:34.600 --> 00:07:40.240 me, is fucking throw all my pictures away, all these thoughts. Sometimes 107 00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:42.680 I'm wonders. That why I do a podcast, because at least they can't 108 00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:47.389 e raise this. Right, right, but, but do you but do 109 00:07:47.509 --> 00:07:50.230 you think you're being singled out? I mean, do you think of other 110 00:07:50.430 --> 00:07:56.709 people that might have the same type of dilemma that you ponder? Oh, 111 00:07:56.750 --> 00:07:59.300 yeah, no, I'm not the only one. For sure, they get 112 00:07:59.420 --> 00:08:03.379 cut out of other people's lives. I don't know anybody personally. Don't think 113 00:08:03.379 --> 00:08:07.459 about it anymore. Yeah, I don't know why. I just I've kind 114 00:08:07.459 --> 00:08:15.290 of settled into my I'm going to be alone, alone, er, probably 115 00:08:15.290 --> 00:08:18.170 the rest of my life. I've just settled into that. I've I've become 116 00:08:18.250 --> 00:08:22.170 so comfortable with it that when people ask me or just like yeah, you 117 00:08:22.250 --> 00:08:24.089 got a girl, or you know, you in a relationship or anything like 118 00:08:24.170 --> 00:08:28.759 that, and my response now is I just don't think I'm relationship material in 119 00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:35.360 the sense of, you know what they believe is relationship material. I I've 120 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:39.759 just I do my own thing for so long I don't I don't know anything 121 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:43.830 else, and I think that's kind of where you're at to it's just like 122 00:08:43.190 --> 00:08:46.750 this is what I do, this is all I know. Yeah, I 123 00:08:46.830 --> 00:08:50.750 don't really have a problem with being alone, because I've been. I don't 124 00:08:50.750 --> 00:08:52.870 either. I got some saying I'm a lone R. I'm not alone, 125 00:08:52.950 --> 00:08:56.860 I'm a lone Er. Yeah, two different things in my opinion. I 126 00:08:58.899 --> 00:09:01.860 have a problem with being lonely, though. Sometimes, and it doesn't matter 127 00:09:01.899 --> 00:09:05.700 if I'm with people or alone, I get lonely with people or alone. 128 00:09:05.700 --> 00:09:09.259 It's that's two separate sure feelings. You know what I mean? Me Too. 129 00:09:09.379 --> 00:09:13.210 Yeah, yeah, I totally relate. HMM, excuse me. Sorry. 130 00:09:13.210 --> 00:09:16.169 I think lonely is just the feeling. The introvert thing too. I 131 00:09:16.289 --> 00:09:20.570 think the introvert thing has a lot to do with yeah, if I'm around 132 00:09:20.570 --> 00:09:24.009 a bunch of bunch of people, I feel alone. Well, if I'm 133 00:09:24.210 --> 00:09:28.080 by myself, I feel alone. So there's this whole alone thing that I 134 00:09:28.279 --> 00:09:35.159 think a lot of us feel. To me it's a feeling of not being 135 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:43.509 understood in my circumstance. So if I'm alone with myself and I'm not you 136 00:09:43.590 --> 00:09:46.870 know, I'm just not present. Yeah, I could start to feel lonely 137 00:09:46.389 --> 00:09:50.509 if I'm with other people, though, and don't feel engaged or connected or 138 00:09:50.629 --> 00:09:54.500 like a part of that or mostly understood. Oh my God, there's nothing 139 00:09:54.539 --> 00:09:58.179 worse like if you're saying a pub or a bar and you make a joke 140 00:09:58.259 --> 00:10:01.179 cut out loud that three people down the bark in here and just fell flat. 141 00:10:01.220 --> 00:10:03.899 And now the bartender ignores you, and then some hot chicks come on 142 00:10:03.980 --> 00:10:07.649 and the bartender whispers to the hot chicks and you're thinking, ah, fuck, 143 00:10:09.970 --> 00:10:11.330 know where did that happened? Okay, well, I'm just making up 144 00:10:11.330 --> 00:10:15.529 scenarios because I'm creative in my head, but you know, yes, so, 145 00:10:15.809 --> 00:10:22.200 just like anything, could just happen and instantly you're thinking, I'm totally 146 00:10:22.279 --> 00:10:26.440 misunderstood. There's now seven people in this room that think I'm a fucking idiot 147 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:31.440 it, and that's horrible. That's horrible lonely feeling. Okay, now that's 148 00:10:31.480 --> 00:10:35.230 retreating in your own head and assuming that that's what they're thinking of you. 149 00:10:35.789 --> 00:10:37.990 Yeah, yeah, exactly. This is kind of what we're talking about, 150 00:10:37.990 --> 00:10:43.470 or learning about in the self sabotage book. It's called mind reading, like 151 00:10:43.629 --> 00:10:46.830 it's a self sabotage, and behavior called mind reading, like assuming what the 152 00:10:46.870 --> 00:10:50.019 other people think about you. I've gotten a lot better with that and not 153 00:10:52.179 --> 00:10:54.379 giving a fuck of what other people think of me. The only time, 154 00:10:56.299 --> 00:10:58.820 like say, for example, I feel lonely when I go to, you 155 00:10:58.899 --> 00:11:03.220 know, some of the beer places, I try and make my presence known. 156 00:11:03.779 --> 00:11:05.250 Well, I'm I try think is right and be loud enough. There's 157 00:11:05.289 --> 00:11:13.090 a difference between not giving a fuck what people think about you and assuming they 158 00:11:13.250 --> 00:11:20.240 think the worst. Do you see the difference now? Well, if because 159 00:11:20.240 --> 00:11:22.320 I do care what people think about me, but only if it's good, 160 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:26.200 you know, I mean. So I care if they like me, because 161 00:11:26.200 --> 00:11:28.720 if they like me, I'll probably have high chance of liking them back and 162 00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:33.230 then we'll be friends. But if I assume the worst, that they just 163 00:11:33.389 --> 00:11:37.470 thought I'm an asshole because my joke was dumb, I'm going to dig myself 164 00:11:37.470 --> 00:11:39.750 a deep hole there because I'm assuming the worst. I'm mind reading bad things 165 00:11:39.830 --> 00:11:43.909 into that situation. Right, the assuming thing is what's fucking you up? 166 00:11:43.950 --> 00:11:48.700 Yeah, yeah, that's it's that's the mind reading. So so it's a 167 00:11:48.820 --> 00:11:52.539 bit different. Than not giving a fuck what people think, because, yeah, 168 00:11:52.779 --> 00:11:56.100 most people do give a fuck what people think because you're you're looking for 169 00:11:56.139 --> 00:11:58.899 someone who thinks just like you or different than you or whatever. You're looking 170 00:11:58.940 --> 00:12:01.970 for a vibe or a partner, somebody to talk to. So you have 171 00:12:03.090 --> 00:12:07.529 to project out to kind of like throw out the the real into the room 172 00:12:07.570 --> 00:12:11.970 and say hey, this is me projecting that today. See what I catch. 173 00:12:11.649 --> 00:12:16.480 I hear that, that's fine too. But what happens after that is 174 00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:22.120 problematic. Like if you get no response, sometimes it's like yeah, fuck 175 00:12:22.200 --> 00:12:26.120 this place, or sometimes it's like yeah, as a stupid thing for me 176 00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:30.909 to do or whatever. Right. But do you beat yourself up a lot 177 00:12:31.350 --> 00:12:35.830 on that, like, for example, when you say that you know you're 178 00:12:35.909 --> 00:12:39.309 in a place and you don't feel like you're accepting, you just like fuck 179 00:12:39.429 --> 00:12:43.669 this place, the stew about it, or do you just leave and try 180 00:12:43.710 --> 00:12:46.460 and think of other things to do? To here's the thing. It's it's 181 00:12:46.500 --> 00:12:52.980 a cum cumulative effect. So it's I do I will leave immediately, but 182 00:12:54.059 --> 00:12:56.779 then I'll go the next place and leaving me. I'm exaggerating here obviously, 183 00:12:56.980 --> 00:13:01.490 but then if you do it five or six, seven times and you leave 184 00:13:01.529 --> 00:13:05.330 immediately. Pretty soon it becomes fuck every place. Everybody hates me. It's 185 00:13:05.409 --> 00:13:11.210 just starts to dovetail into this fucking toxic soup of self hate. And do 186 00:13:11.250 --> 00:13:15.799 you go into everyone hates me a lot more than I wish to, more 187 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:18.000 than I used to. When I was younger, Dude, like in my 188 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:22.919 twenty is, I was super like up be Mr Positive, and I still 189 00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:24.919 can act positive. People say, Oh, you such a positive of person. 190 00:13:26.360 --> 00:13:31.830 I mean that's just power and program to speak and motion. But well, 191 00:13:31.870 --> 00:13:33.350 yeah, that's the surface. You putting it out there. Yeah, 192 00:13:33.429 --> 00:13:39.990 that's my fucking Westworld fucking robot just doing its thing. That's you. That's 193 00:13:39.029 --> 00:13:41.899 your that it's like cloak and dagger, you know. That's that's your cloak. 194 00:13:41.940 --> 00:13:45.379 Yeah, it's like, leave me the fuck alone, I'm trying to 195 00:13:45.419 --> 00:13:52.340 be normal. Okay, I made it past that encounter. Starting to think 196 00:13:52.340 --> 00:14:01.330 of media like drugs. He was mainlining facebook and twitter and instagram all day 197 00:14:01.570 --> 00:14:09.690 long. Hell Yeah, dude, the whole entire Internet thing is is like 198 00:14:09.850 --> 00:14:13.679 a drug. It's just a matter of how you use it, how you 199 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:18.240 what your dose, how much, that much you take? Yeah, yeah, 200 00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:22.320 seth rogue in the other day said it was like poison and death. 201 00:14:22.919 --> 00:14:26.509 He has to do it very small doses because he realizes it's just death. 202 00:14:28.509 --> 00:14:35.110 Seth Rogan said that. Yeah, city went through some work with this therapist 203 00:14:35.190 --> 00:14:37.309 and he avoids it because he realizes, you know, smokes too, so 204 00:14:37.659 --> 00:14:41.500 he realizes he does some things that are not good for him, but he 205 00:14:41.179 --> 00:14:45.980 categorizes social media as one of those things. So it tries to limit it 206 00:14:46.059 --> 00:14:52.539 a lot, which I think is brilliant. Again, I think it goes 207 00:14:52.580 --> 00:14:54.850 beyond social media. I think it's just the Internet in general well, and 208 00:14:54.929 --> 00:14:58.730 humans addictive nature. Here's the thing, and I think La hold on, 209 00:14:58.730 --> 00:15:01.409 let me get a drink my I'm getting little cotton mouth and I hear it 210 00:15:01.490 --> 00:15:13.720 in the MIC. HMM MMM MMM. This show brought to you by water 211 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:22.549 on his side and coffee on mine. Forgot the fuck I was talking about 212 00:15:28.590 --> 00:15:35.179 rolling in Los Angeles. They're paying people, they're paying drug addicts to get 213 00:15:35.179 --> 00:15:41.740 off the drugs, using taxpayer money to pay drug addicts to send all these 214 00:15:41.740 --> 00:15:46.340 doing that, though it's working. How are they doing that, though? 215 00:15:46.620 --> 00:15:50.289 When you say they're paying drug addicts to stop doing drugs? What is it 216 00:15:50.370 --> 00:15:56.529 they're doing? They test them for drugs, make sure they stopped, give 217 00:15:56.610 --> 00:16:02.570 them a cash like a government check thing, and then if they keep staying 218 00:16:02.649 --> 00:16:07.919 clean, they keep getting a check. Okay, I don't know. I'm 219 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:15.440 I mean I'm all for solutions to the problem. I'm just I just don't 220 00:16:15.480 --> 00:16:22.269 think that's the isn't this just trading one addiction for another? Isn't that what 221 00:16:22.470 --> 00:16:26.070 this is? What do you mean? In well, they always talk about 222 00:16:26.149 --> 00:16:29.990 like, well, I quit drinking, but I picked up smoking, so 223 00:16:30.110 --> 00:16:33.299 you just traded one addiction for another. Or I quit smoking cigarettes and now 224 00:16:33.299 --> 00:16:36.379 I snort coke or whatever. So you just you just switch one addiction for 225 00:16:36.419 --> 00:16:41.100 another. Here's a big one in the drunk world is I quit drinking because 226 00:16:41.100 --> 00:16:45.220 I found Jesus. But really, Jesus becomes the fucking addiction. They can't 227 00:16:45.340 --> 00:16:48.929 live without. Revi you know, reverting to a Bible like, well, 228 00:16:48.929 --> 00:16:51.250 let me let me check, like a good, good check. Yeah, 229 00:16:51.250 --> 00:16:55.409 my addiction right now. Your hundred percent right. You replacing something else with 230 00:16:55.570 --> 00:17:00.210 that addiction with something else. So what's the biggest fucking Dick America sucks on? 231 00:17:00.289 --> 00:17:03.839 It's not religion, it's money. So we're trading addicts. Were like 232 00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:11.839 here, stop shooting heroin and instead shoot cash and then we get them hooked 233 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:15.559 on the fucking capitalist addiction. I'm like, we're just trading yeah, of 234 00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:18.750 course we're trading addictions. I don't like it. I don't think it's going 235 00:17:18.829 --> 00:17:22.029 to work. I'm not opposed to giving people free money while you just giving 236 00:17:22.069 --> 00:17:26.470 out money, okay, but thinking that just switching addictions is going to make 237 00:17:26.509 --> 00:17:49.970 any kind of long term difference is stupid. God, got, I got, 238 00:17:52.690 --> 00:17:52.730 and now back to the wall.