First steps happen once/ If we miss them together/ We don't share journeys

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:16.710 Hi, Sunday November twenty nine. Welcome to the EMO dojoe. I'm Johnny 2 00:00:16.710 --> 00:00:24.059 Emotions, and today I'm feeling pretty anxious and I'll explain why in a minute. 3 00:00:25.019 --> 00:00:30.539 But I just read an article. This is fascinating, so you'll probably 4 00:00:30.699 --> 00:00:34.299 hear this here first, so listen for it. In the next couple of 5 00:00:34.380 --> 00:00:39.810 weeks. They're doing a study with flavoxamine. Now, if you don't know 6 00:00:39.850 --> 00:00:46.689 what that is, that's a drug of the ssri class, which is selective 7 00:00:46.770 --> 00:00:53.399 Sarotonin up how do I get away? Selective Serotonin reuptake inhibitor, ssri. 8 00:00:54.200 --> 00:01:00.079 This flavoxamine they're using in a study to treat covid nineteen and they're having pretty 9 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:04.750 good results. So what I'm saying is that in a couple of weeks this 10 00:01:04.909 --> 00:01:10.469 news is start spread out to the major media and I think a lot of 11 00:01:10.549 --> 00:01:12.510 people are going to get the idea that Oh, hey, I'm kind of 12 00:01:12.549 --> 00:01:19.099 feeling anxious and that drug can also, quote unquote, cure me of covid 13 00:01:19.340 --> 00:01:23.299 which it's not. Of course they're misreading the news, but so I think 14 00:01:23.340 --> 00:01:26.659 that could create two problems. It could put a run on the drug stores 15 00:01:26.780 --> 00:01:33.049 for flavoxamine causing a short supply for those who have been taking it and need 16 00:01:33.129 --> 00:01:41.730 it. And the second problem is that ssur eyes have withdrawal effects similar to 17 00:01:42.250 --> 00:01:48.280 other hardcore drugs. So if you want to check out the dangers of ssri 18 00:01:48.359 --> 00:01:53.439 I drugs and SSRI with drawls, please go check that out. Because when 19 00:01:53.439 --> 00:01:57.680 your friends on the Internet are starting to talk about flavoxamine, Hey, this 20 00:01:57.799 --> 00:02:01.549 will help my anxiety and I could get, you know, maybe protected from 21 00:02:01.629 --> 00:02:07.390 covid great, just what we did. So be aware, be on the 22 00:02:07.430 --> 00:02:13.469 lookout on the news for flavoxamine and covid together. It could cause a run 23 00:02:13.629 --> 00:02:17.020 on that SSUR I from the drug stores and also create a whole new class 24 00:02:17.460 --> 00:02:23.620 of citizens who are newly addicted to ss our eyes. And I don't mean 25 00:02:23.659 --> 00:02:29.539 addicted to their their function. The addiction comes from, well, that's not 26 00:02:29.620 --> 00:02:32.370 the proper use of the word addiction, but their desire to stay on them 27 00:02:32.490 --> 00:02:38.530 is because the withdrawal symptoms sucks so badly. I was thinking of anxiety and 28 00:02:39.530 --> 00:02:46.240 trauma, things like that. Have you heard of exposure therapy? Probably so. 29 00:02:46.520 --> 00:02:53.879 Exposure therapy reportedly works really well with many cases of trauma, not not 30 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:58.669 every type of trauma, and obviously not every person, because we're all different, 31 00:02:59.310 --> 00:03:04.949 but exposing yourself to the thing that you are most afraid of or the 32 00:03:04.990 --> 00:03:08.069 thing that traumatized you, slowly, and it is safe for environment, over 33 00:03:08.229 --> 00:03:14.580 time, can reduce the level of trauma or post trauma anxiety you feel over 34 00:03:14.699 --> 00:03:17.860 that thing that initially caused the pain or the suffering in your life. So 35 00:03:19.259 --> 00:03:22.659 I started thinking about well, what about? What if my what if I 36 00:03:22.740 --> 00:03:28.889 fear dying by suicide? Is it okay to let me feel those painful thoughts? 37 00:03:29.569 --> 00:03:35.050 Like is that romanticizing death? HMM, it doesn't feel like it in 38 00:03:35.129 --> 00:03:37.370 the moment. But when I'm not feeling that way, I can kind of 39 00:03:37.810 --> 00:03:40.639 observe my other self. I guess I don't have a split personality, but 40 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:46.120 I definitely this me right here, the okay me, looks down upon the 41 00:03:46.199 --> 00:03:51.199 depressed me. I know it's kind of fucked up, but up when I'm 42 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:53.360 in this condition, I see the depressed me and I think he's a pathetic 43 00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:58.629 lumpus hit, which is it's horrible to think that way about yourself because clearly 44 00:03:58.710 --> 00:04:02.389 it's obviously me right. But when I'm thinking about like how can I just 45 00:04:02.750 --> 00:04:06.389 can I go ahead and, instead of Romanticizing, just get closer and closer 46 00:04:06.430 --> 00:04:12.539 to the idea of suicide so that no longer scares me. So I'm just 47 00:04:12.699 --> 00:04:15.980 not so doesn't bother me at all when I get depressed. Obviously, the 48 00:04:16.100 --> 00:04:19.540 trouble is that could be a slippery slope. And how close do you get 49 00:04:19.579 --> 00:04:25.689 to it to eliminate the pain of the thought of it without actually finding yourself 50 00:04:25.769 --> 00:04:29.050 in a sticky situation that you can't get out of? Is there's only so 51 00:04:29.129 --> 00:04:32.410 many times, man, or are there? That's this is what it how 52 00:04:32.449 --> 00:04:34.850 it came down to. It felt like I kept saying to myself, boy, 53 00:04:34.850 --> 00:04:38.370 there's only so many times I can feel this level of pain and just 54 00:04:38.490 --> 00:04:42.920 not ended. But are there? Is there a limit on the number of 55 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:46.959 times I can feel pain and keep living? Apparently, so far there's not 56 00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:50.199 a limit, and I've, you know, I've endure pain in my own 57 00:04:50.279 --> 00:04:55.949 mind frequently and I just don't want to keep going, but I do. 58 00:04:57.230 --> 00:05:02.550 Yeah, so I'm feeling anxious for a couple reasons. Tomorrow I'm starting new 59 00:05:02.629 --> 00:05:06.779 job and of course I was always the new kid in school. I have 60 00:05:06.899 --> 00:05:12.060 tons of anxiety built up around that. However, I think this is a 61 00:05:12.139 --> 00:05:15.339 good fit for me. They think I'm a good fit with the organization. 62 00:05:15.819 --> 00:05:19.779 It's all the right things I talked about. It's not a family owned company. 63 00:05:20.220 --> 00:05:23.490 That leaves me last. You know, if you work for a family 64 00:05:23.529 --> 00:05:27.290 own company and things go south, if you're not in the family, you're 65 00:05:27.329 --> 00:05:30.850 basically fucked. But this is not a family owned company. It's a bigger 66 00:05:30.889 --> 00:05:36.160 organization. The people that I'm going to be working for are youthful and energetic. 67 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:41.279 I like that it, and they're smart and they got a plan, 68 00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:45.800 all those things, oh, and resources. All that's great, but it 69 00:05:45.959 --> 00:05:48.360 just new, just something different. I'm afraid I'm going to fail or freak 70 00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:53.029 out at work or say the wrong thing or you know, there's so many 71 00:05:53.069 --> 00:05:58.310 things. I'm trying not to catastrophize, but that's causing anxiety and I don't 72 00:05:58.310 --> 00:06:01.230 know where my what are my boys is? I don't want to I don't 73 00:06:01.230 --> 00:06:04.779 want to call him and bug him because then I think I don't know. 74 00:06:04.819 --> 00:06:10.699 I feel like he thinks I'm like trying to look over him or Manipulat him 75 00:06:10.699 --> 00:06:15.420 or something, because when he's with his mom, all the messages I send 76 00:06:15.579 --> 00:06:18.089 in that direction I'm sure get filtered through her lens as well. She always 77 00:06:18.089 --> 00:06:23.689 says some something wise to say. But anyway, I haven't seen him for 78 00:06:23.689 --> 00:06:30.209 a while and I was hoping to have somebody here to like say good luck 79 00:06:30.250 --> 00:06:33.160 tomorrow or good luck at the new job, or you know, like, 80 00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:36.879 I don't know when I come home from work tomorrow. He would be nice 81 00:06:36.879 --> 00:06:40.720 if somebody was here. I mean, it's not not saying it's his responsibility. 82 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:43.480 I mean just in general, it would be nice if somebody was here 83 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:46.720 to say, how's Your Day at work? How's your day at the new 84 00:06:46.759 --> 00:06:51.029 job? fucking yearn for that. I guess I've not been paid enough attention 85 00:06:51.069 --> 00:06:58.149 to in the past, so I've an attention deficit. That is the nature 86 00:06:58.189 --> 00:07:01.060 of attention deficit disorder. You weren't paid enough attention to and now you just 87 00:07:01.220 --> 00:07:04.699 crave it. So them when people say, Oh yeah, your parents didn't 88 00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:08.259 pay enough attention to you, as if it's some kind of derisive comment. 89 00:07:08.860 --> 00:07:11.459 No, you dumb ass. That's the way we were programmed. Our brains 90 00:07:11.500 --> 00:07:14.860 feel that we don't have enough attention and sure enough, we there's IT. 91 00:07:15.060 --> 00:07:17.250 Now we gather people around us who don't give us attention. It's a weird 92 00:07:17.290 --> 00:07:21.209 conundrum. Right. I'm anxious about my son because I don't know, like 93 00:07:21.290 --> 00:07:24.810 I hope he's not sick. He's out in the world. I see news 94 00:07:24.930 --> 00:07:29.449 on the fucking covid every day and he's got a travel on an airplane to 95 00:07:29.490 --> 00:07:33.120 get back here. So, you know, some covid anxiety. Missing my 96 00:07:33.279 --> 00:07:38.839 kids. I don't even know if my younger one's coming back or what. 97 00:07:39.319 --> 00:07:42.879 I don't I wonder why they don't, like, talk to me. I'm 98 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:45.990 open to conversation, but nobody talks to me. It's not just them either, 99 00:07:46.110 --> 00:07:49.949 like that whole side, that whole area what he called, I guess 100 00:07:49.990 --> 00:07:54.589 he called that whole social circle over there. Now they just leave me out 101 00:07:54.670 --> 00:08:00.139 of everything and wonder why I'm the way I am. Well, that's why, 102 00:08:00.379 --> 00:08:03.019 because I'm always left out of all the you know, conversation. Yeah, 103 00:08:03.100 --> 00:08:07.300 you probably feel that way too. That's probably why you're listening to a 104 00:08:07.379 --> 00:08:11.660 podcast like this. So if you yeah, if you want, you could, 105 00:08:11.660 --> 00:08:16.689 let go to John Emotionscom and find my contact information and then you could 106 00:08:16.730 --> 00:08:20.610 say hey, good luck at your new job. That would make me feel 107 00:08:20.610 --> 00:08:24.649 better, not, you know, begging for a compliment, because that's not 108 00:08:24.850 --> 00:08:28.120 really a compliment, that's just support. That's all. I just want a 109 00:08:28.160 --> 00:08:33.840 little support. Sometimes I feel my friends and family give more attention to like 110 00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:37.600 a homeless person than they do to me. It's odd feeling. It's not 111 00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:41.509 like when you're young, you feel like, Oh yeah, I'm the black 112 00:08:41.549 --> 00:08:43.269 sheep, like it's cool, but when you get older you just feel like 113 00:08:43.350 --> 00:08:48.269 like the old elephant that has to walk off to the fucking elephant graveyard and 114 00:08:48.429 --> 00:08:52.830 die. That's a shitty feeling, especially when I'm trying to be hyped about 115 00:08:52.830 --> 00:08:58.779 my new job tomorrow. So anyway, wish me luck. We'll talk to 116 00:08:58.860 --> 00:09:03.700 Ken about the lifted neurostimulator device later in the week. I'm going to talk 117 00:09:03.700 --> 00:09:07.779 to him personally offline on Wednesday and maybe we'll have them on the show by 118 00:09:07.820 --> 00:09:09.779 the end of the week. That's really all I have. I got to 119 00:09:09.820 --> 00:09:13.169 try to go to bed early tonight and just not stress out about tomorrow and 120 00:09:13.330 --> 00:09:18.769 I'll let you know tomorrow after work how things went. Cool, all right, 121 00:09:20.490 --> 00:09:52.669 bye, and now back to the wall.