Crossover: A Look Inside A Manic Mind | Author Brett Stevens discusses his new book

WEBVTT 1 00:00:10.550 --> 00:00:17.670 Steak for everybody. Shut the fuck up. I've had enough of you all 2 00:00:17.750 --> 00:00:21.309 talking behind my back, I screamed, looking out of a public crowd having 3 00:00:21.390 --> 00:00:24.940 lunch that day at a pack pizza shop in Texas. Shut the fuck up, 4 00:00:25.339 --> 00:00:29.100 I yelled even louder, as loud as I could. The place one 5 00:00:29.179 --> 00:00:32.700 silent, except for twenty one pile of heathens playing on the pop station in 6 00:00:32.740 --> 00:00:36.570 the background. Please don't make any sudden moves. You don't know the half 7 00:00:36.609 --> 00:00:41.810 of the abuse. I had the crowds attention by foot eight, white skinned, 8 00:00:42.009 --> 00:00:45.289 black hair, strong build, light beard. I was wearing shorts, 9 00:00:45.450 --> 00:00:49.409 Nike shoes and a soft tshirt that was a gift for my mom this time 10 00:00:49.490 --> 00:00:53.799 last year. I looked around and saw nervous college students, fathers ready to 11 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:58.039 protect their wise and young children, and restaurant staff looking for the closest phone 12 00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:00.359 to call nine, one one. I took a deep breath, enjoying the 13 00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:03.790 peace and quiet that had the existed in my world for the last week. 14 00:01:04.189 --> 00:01:08.230 They beam of sunshine shed through the window, lanning directly into my eyes. 15 00:01:10.030 --> 00:01:12.950 I've served you well, haven't I? God then a brave man about my 16 00:01:14.189 --> 00:01:17.829 height, Chubby and friendly, join me in the spotlight. Hey Man, 17 00:01:18.310 --> 00:01:21.900 you all right? Let's take a walk outside. He represented everything I was 18 00:01:21.980 --> 00:01:25.939 going to change about the world, this fat, fake world. Then his 19 00:01:26.060 --> 00:01:30.340 face transformed, teeth growing into fast as eyes widening, voice deepening, all 20 00:01:30.459 --> 00:01:34.450 the spectators disappeared. He put his hand on my shoulder and, in a 21 00:01:34.530 --> 00:01:38.209 deep voice, felt it out. Come on, man, there are kids 22 00:01:38.250 --> 00:01:41.810 here. I pulled the letters that I need to unscramble and the words hear 23 00:01:41.930 --> 00:01:44.730 me let up in the sky. This is your world, Brett. You 24 00:01:44.769 --> 00:01:47.799 are my son. Now go take it. Then I was back in the 25 00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:51.879 pizza place with the crowd of insignificant mortals. I looked at the man's hand 26 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.680 on my shoulder and thrust my arms forward with perfectly utilized force, knocking him 27 00:01:56.719 --> 00:02:00.959 back over the table behind him. A chair shifted, and so we're dinged 28 00:02:00.040 --> 00:02:05.510 on the floor. A Woman Shriek, kids cried. Now about thirty men 29 00:02:05.590 --> 00:02:08.870 stood up ready to physically remove me from the premises, fifteen of them standing 30 00:02:08.870 --> 00:02:13.189 in front of the exit. God showed me an image of myself as a 31 00:02:13.229 --> 00:02:16.259 high school basketball player, running sprint after sprint to motivate me to escape. 32 00:02:17.099 --> 00:02:22.060 I got low and charged forward towards the door with the crowd of wasn't even 33 00:02:22.139 --> 00:02:24.780 there. I was met by punches, name calling, kick his ass and 34 00:02:24.900 --> 00:02:29.419 the loud rip of my shirt, who are all looking for the same result, 35 00:02:29.580 --> 00:02:32.370 getting me out of the restaurant. Eventually, our combined force knocked me 36 00:02:32.490 --> 00:02:37.289 out of the front door and onto the street. I stood up like nothing 37 00:02:37.330 --> 00:02:39.129 at half and then went about my day with a rip shirt, enjoying the 38 00:02:39.210 --> 00:02:44.479 sunlight, available to answer work emails if needed, excited for a blind date 39 00:02:44.520 --> 00:02:46.960 that I had planned that evening and, most of all, ready to accept 40 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:55.039 the next challenge that God had in store for me. And out it's online 41 00:02:55.560 --> 00:03:04.430 Ad Bible. This stylecoms with Bible style. What you've just been listening to 42 00:03:04.669 --> 00:03:09.750 is it excerpt from the new book crossover by Brett Stevens, as read by 43 00:03:09.870 --> 00:03:15.379 Brett Stevens. So today I'm honored to have, via skype, Brett Stevens. 44 00:03:15.539 --> 00:03:20.219 Welcome, Brett, thanks for being on the show. Thank you very 45 00:03:20.259 --> 00:03:23.900 much, glad to be here. Your book is excellent, the parts I've 46 00:03:23.900 --> 00:03:29.449 read so far. For the Listener, please look up Brett's book. What's 47 00:03:29.490 --> 00:03:35.009 your website again? A manic something inside a manic mindcom that's it. Go 48 00:03:35.210 --> 00:03:39.610 to inside a manic mindcom. In fact, pause this podcast and go do 49 00:03:39.729 --> 00:03:46.280 that right now. Inside a manic mindcom. Put in your email address and 50 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:50.560 Brett will send you a sample of his book. You can also go on 51 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:53.520 Amazon. I'll put a link down in the notes, and look at all 52 00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:59.110 those five star ratings for this book. It's incredible. So, like I 53 00:03:59.150 --> 00:04:00.949 said, I'm honored to have you here and I'm really proud of you for 54 00:04:01.270 --> 00:04:05.189 completing an actual book and having it published. You're actually an author, man, 55 00:04:05.270 --> 00:04:10.460 congrats. Thanks. Thanks, Dra. Feels pretty good. Yeah, 56 00:04:10.539 --> 00:04:14.099 right, how man, a lot of people want to write books. A 57 00:04:14.580 --> 00:04:18.660 lot of people have bipolar. That those two hardly ever connect and both are 58 00:04:18.740 --> 00:04:24.329 difficult living, living with bipolar and writing a book. Book. So how 59 00:04:24.410 --> 00:04:29.850 did you come to to put the book together? Yeah, so the book 60 00:04:29.889 --> 00:04:32.930 started as more of like a fair therapeutic exercise, which I think is pretty 61 00:04:32.970 --> 00:04:40.160 common when you are diagnosed with a serious illness. Writing down your thoughts, 62 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:46.120 journaling, is definitely a very positive activity to do and honestly, I've never 63 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:50.800 really been a writer before this happened and I just found that I was enjoying 64 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:56.829 it and getting a little deeper into my stories and finding ways to connect and, 65 00:04:58.230 --> 00:05:02.310 you know, create more of what actually happens in my life. And 66 00:05:02.350 --> 00:05:09.259 I think the biggest thing that had me continue with the writing was I told 67 00:05:09.300 --> 00:05:13.579 some of these stories verbally to some very close family members that had no idea 68 00:05:13.779 --> 00:05:15.819 that this is what it was like, and as I read them what I 69 00:05:15.980 --> 00:05:19.500 wrote, you know, it became very evident that it was kind of shocking 70 00:05:19.660 --> 00:05:24.209 to them. So I figured if I can continue to write this and kind 71 00:05:24.209 --> 00:05:27.209 of make it to the end, it might be able to help other people. 72 00:05:28.009 --> 00:05:32.050 Definitely, and storytelling is one thing, but the way you present your 73 00:05:32.089 --> 00:05:36.319 stories, I think, is extraordinary. I read tons, a real lot 74 00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:40.800 and I have lots of stories of my own, and so it's one thing 75 00:05:40.879 --> 00:05:44.079 to say, dude, I was in the pizza parlor and I fucking went 76 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:47.360 off and I just bolted out the door. Done right, but you color 77 00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:54.990 your stories with so much rich detail that it's really a treat to that to 78 00:05:55.110 --> 00:05:58.990 not only to read but to kind of just envision. You can really feel 79 00:05:59.029 --> 00:06:04.180 like you're in that situation into anybody that suffers with the bipolar impairment will have 80 00:06:04.339 --> 00:06:09.379 a lot of empathy for your stories and probably see themselves in a lot of 81 00:06:09.459 --> 00:06:13.540 these stories. So that's why I thought you would be perfect for a show 82 00:06:13.579 --> 00:06:15.699 like this, because, you know, that's what it's all about, is 83 00:06:15.139 --> 00:06:19.410 showing the rest of the world that we are definitely fund we can function right, 84 00:06:19.490 --> 00:06:23.850 we can function. We just have a bit more highs and more lows 85 00:06:23.930 --> 00:06:28.449 than the average person. So reading that pizza parlor story in particular, it 86 00:06:28.649 --> 00:06:31.810 just really stood out to me. The softest of the t shirt, the 87 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:35.839 you know, the description of the kid you bump down. How many people 88 00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:40.920 were there blocking your exit, even when you wanted to exit yourself. The 89 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:46.319 whole scenario just really resonated with me. And you said you had not written 90 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:48.470 before, I mean aside from like, you know, high school or college 91 00:06:48.509 --> 00:06:54.389 writing. Yeah, and it just kind of float out. There weren't too 92 00:06:54.470 --> 00:06:58.269 many edits and I'm glad you got that kind of experience because really that's what 93 00:06:58.430 --> 00:07:01.100 most of the sections in the book they cover. You know, that's the 94 00:07:01.220 --> 00:07:05.699 opening and it's it's intense, but you'll see as the episode is rammed up 95 00:07:05.819 --> 00:07:11.779 there's, you know, dirty passages that are very similar in different situation, 96 00:07:12.500 --> 00:07:15.009 and I'm just glad that you know, you took something from that. Yeah, 97 00:07:15.170 --> 00:07:18.009 definitely, and the baseball one, I like that a lot when you 98 00:07:18.089 --> 00:07:21.689 first discovered you had asthma by way of getting, you know, dust kicked 99 00:07:21.730 --> 00:07:28.089 down your throat. We're at Bat. That sounds miserable, but again, 100 00:07:28.449 --> 00:07:31.480 you know, not having suffered from asthma, I started to really feel like, 101 00:07:31.639 --> 00:07:34.720 oh, that must be that must suck, and I really felt like 102 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:40.639 you'd conveyed your thought very accurately. And I think a real cool thing about 103 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:44.509 books like yours. Again, we're talking to Brett Stevens. His new book 104 00:07:44.589 --> 00:07:49.189 is Crossover. It's available on Amazon and probably many other places. So when 105 00:07:49.230 --> 00:07:54.870 I read a book like yours, I think it's even more critical for friends 106 00:07:54.910 --> 00:07:59.939 and family of bipolar sufferers to read books like this, because then they start 107 00:07:59.980 --> 00:08:03.579 to understand that, you know, we can function, we can be on 108 00:08:03.660 --> 00:08:05.699 podcast, we can write books, we can, you know, do all 109 00:08:05.740 --> 00:08:09.060 of these things. But when you read the intensity of some of these stories, 110 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:13.209 I think a lay person would finally start to understand that there's like there's 111 00:08:13.250 --> 00:08:16.410 a different thing happening here, but it's not permanent, you know. Like 112 00:08:18.009 --> 00:08:22.610 I think bipolar people get classified in the same way as maybe schizophrenic people or 113 00:08:22.649 --> 00:08:28.879 something, and people just think we're whacka do all the time. So I 114 00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:35.120 think showing your book in kind of contrasting your stories then to your presentation now, 115 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:39.360 for example, I think it's really powerful, not to just bipolar sufferers 116 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:43.669 but to friends and family as well. Yeah, and I think too, 117 00:08:43.629 --> 00:08:48.389 it's the the opposite is true. So, you know, we can be 118 00:08:48.629 --> 00:08:52.909 perceived as wacky or crazy or dangerous, or on the other end it's Oh, 119 00:08:52.190 --> 00:08:56.139 you know you're you're getting frustrated, or you know you're really sad, 120 00:08:56.460 --> 00:08:58.980 like your you know your mood has been up and down. Or if someone 121 00:09:00.019 --> 00:09:03.100 kind of like has a natural, healthy reaction, emotional reaction of something, 122 00:09:03.179 --> 00:09:07.659 it's you must be bipolar or or I'm feeling bipolar today. You know that 123 00:09:07.860 --> 00:09:13.529 that's just not how it works, and I honestly would not have known that 124 00:09:13.649 --> 00:09:18.889 until I was diagnosed. I took abnormal psych in college and read about bipolar 125 00:09:18.009 --> 00:09:22.129 and had, you know, really I knew the definition, but that was 126 00:09:22.169 --> 00:09:28.120 about it. So it's definitely, you know, an example of how intense 127 00:09:28.279 --> 00:09:33.279 and rammed up my experience was. But then you also see how that similar 128 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:37.870 energy was very helpful in business and in professional poker and in basketball to be 129 00:09:37.990 --> 00:09:41.990 successful. So I you know, I can't really complain too much and I'm 130 00:09:41.990 --> 00:09:46.070 learning how to manage it and, you know, hoping to have this balance 131 00:09:46.149 --> 00:09:50.269 and keep this to bility I have now, you know, for a very 132 00:09:50.309 --> 00:09:54.419 long time. Yeah, now that you're diagnosed and you can kind of identify 133 00:09:56.379 --> 00:10:00.419 the feelings and emotions that are involved with bipolar, like I always like in 134 00:10:00.980 --> 00:10:03.899 depression, to a big dark, black oily tsunami coming at me. You 135 00:10:05.059 --> 00:10:07.809 could see it coming to distance, I feel it, it's almost here. 136 00:10:07.330 --> 00:10:11.809 Shit, I'm in it. So the different ways to describe that. But 137 00:10:11.649 --> 00:10:16.889 in Hind sights, how how early do you think you had bipolar? Do 138 00:10:16.929 --> 00:10:20.370 you think you were born with it? Do you think it developed as a 139 00:10:20.490 --> 00:10:24.840 child like so, what are the feelings you felt back then that you might 140 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:30.759 now ascribe to bipolar disorder? Sure? Well, I'm very lucky to have 141 00:10:30.919 --> 00:10:35.629 had, you know, two great parents, great family, very good resources 142 00:10:35.710 --> 00:10:39.710 growing up, and so really I can only speak to my experience, which, 143 00:10:41.470 --> 00:10:43.110 you know, I had a very healthy childhood. There was a lot 144 00:10:43.149 --> 00:10:50.620 of competitiveness, but between my brothers and I I did get very angry yet 145 00:10:50.700 --> 00:10:54.980 times. I was able to put that into basketball as an outlet and it 146 00:10:54.059 --> 00:11:00.100 really wasn't until college where I even had any consideration of what depression was or 147 00:11:00.139 --> 00:11:03.289 being manic. It wasn't. None of that was happening until my first episode, 148 00:11:03.850 --> 00:11:07.570 and that's where I learned that something was off in my brain. I 149 00:11:07.889 --> 00:11:13.730 didn't necessarily have depression or I wasn't able to see the depression coming. But 150 00:11:13.809 --> 00:11:16.889 what happens, at least with me, is I have these very high highs 151 00:11:16.370 --> 00:11:22.000 and then I have a very eighteen month period of depression to kind of remain 152 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:26.519 stable. So I can honestly say I didn't really see any warning signs until 153 00:11:26.679 --> 00:11:30.960 college and then, you know, I've had three total episodes and it took 154 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:35.509 the third one to officially become diagnosed. So my episodes kind of came and 155 00:11:35.669 --> 00:11:39.950 went without too much reflection or understanding about what was mania know, what was 156 00:11:39.990 --> 00:11:43.429 depression, what happened? It was more just like, okay, I kind 157 00:11:43.429 --> 00:11:46.149 of overcame that and I'm just going to move off my life now. And 158 00:11:46.269 --> 00:11:52.980 it wasn't until I officially got the diagnosis and had just a major episode really, 159 00:11:54.179 --> 00:11:56.820 you know, living it at somewhat healthy life, besides just being a 160 00:11:56.820 --> 00:12:01.490 little bit isolating stressed from work, that's when I really started to understand more 161 00:12:01.570 --> 00:12:05.649 what it's about and really this book is my reflection and you won't see too 162 00:12:05.690 --> 00:12:07.889 much depression or, you know, there's not a lot of description about those, 163 00:12:09.009 --> 00:12:11.330 you know, qualities of bipolar throughout my childhood, which I write about, 164 00:12:11.649 --> 00:12:15.370 but you do really see them, you know, during episodes and during 165 00:12:15.409 --> 00:12:20.320 recovery. That's that's a good point. Like not too many people does not 166 00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:24.039 too many great stories into the depression side of things. I mean, I 167 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:26.120 laid in bed for three weeks and shut all the blinds. That would be 168 00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:31.110 my story and anybody the depression understands that. In fact, it's hard to 169 00:12:31.230 --> 00:12:35.029 to me. It would be almost impossible to write about depression while in the 170 00:12:35.190 --> 00:12:39.230 throes of depression, except for maybe just complaining or whining on twitter or something 171 00:12:39.230 --> 00:12:46.379 that nobody loves me, something like that. Do you or can you share 172 00:12:46.659 --> 00:12:50.419 the details of, say, your first episode, let's say, like what 173 00:12:50.659 --> 00:12:54.100 was the first thing that happened that made you think I got to get this 174 00:12:54.179 --> 00:13:01.850 checked out? Well, unfortunately it didn't quite go that way for me and 175 00:13:01.929 --> 00:13:05.330 any of my episodes. One of the hardest things, well, but I 176 00:13:05.409 --> 00:13:09.850 go through is I have a zero awareness of it's happening or it's ramping up 177 00:13:09.889 --> 00:13:16.200 or anything like that. So I'm in school and I'm hearing messages from birds. 178 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:22.200 I'm really, you know, trying to envision other people's perspectives and I'm 179 00:13:22.279 --> 00:13:26.309 looking at all of my college, you know, peers and students and seeing 180 00:13:26.309 --> 00:13:31.350 them in different ways. I'm thinking about I'm thinking that the professors are talking 181 00:13:31.389 --> 00:13:33.590 about me, and I'm not sleeping. I'm working out, you know, 182 00:13:33.710 --> 00:13:37.149 throughout the middle of the night, and my brother visited, thank God. 183 00:13:39.669 --> 00:13:45.220 He know that something was was off, which led to me being very confused 184 00:13:45.259 --> 00:13:48.460 about why I was leaving school, why I'm walking into a psych ward. 185 00:13:48.620 --> 00:13:52.299 I didn't I was excited to go to the psych word because I thought it 186 00:13:52.460 --> 00:14:01.529 was some and you know. So I was lucky my brother brought me into 187 00:14:01.570 --> 00:14:05.370 that episode after, you know, about a week of just intense, you 188 00:14:05.450 --> 00:14:11.240 know, vivid delusions, hallucinations, all described in the book, and that 189 00:14:11.399 --> 00:14:15.399 that's for kind of like the first episode. I also go into detail what 190 00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:18.720 it's like to be in the hospital three separate times and, you know, 191 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:24.470 coming from a, you know, middle class over very good family, to 192 00:14:24.590 --> 00:14:28.710 then, you know, my room in the hospital has tried to hang himself 193 00:14:28.029 --> 00:14:31.950 or I won't you know, I was going to straight jacket and just things 194 00:14:31.029 --> 00:14:35.389 like that. So that's what I found. You know, take apart aside 195 00:14:35.470 --> 00:14:37.509 from the at the trauma that you go through, what I actually find interesting 196 00:14:37.509 --> 00:14:41.580 about the story is how could this person who lived a pretty normal high school 197 00:14:41.899 --> 00:14:46.419 life, you know, had friends, brothers, whatever, captain the basketball 198 00:14:46.419 --> 00:14:50.899 team, you know, a year later I'm in a straightjackt in the hospital, 199 00:14:50.379 --> 00:14:52.889 you know, and those were the main drivers and me writing this, 200 00:14:54.009 --> 00:15:00.529 I had to kind of like walk through went from my childhood to these very 201 00:15:00.529 --> 00:15:05.529 dangerous places that I experienced from from being manic. Yeah, yeah, I'm 202 00:15:05.529 --> 00:15:07.519 glad you did. I glad. I'm glad you took the time, because 203 00:15:07.879 --> 00:15:11.840 what you're saying, I'm sure we wasn't it with lots of people, because 204 00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:13.320 you're right, sometimes it just sneaks up on you. Don't really have a 205 00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:16.399 you don't have any experience or anything to relate it to. So you don't 206 00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:20.200 know. You've heard the term bipolar, you've heard people use loose terms like 207 00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:26.190 crazy or whatever, but I think when I first first hit me I really 208 00:15:26.230 --> 00:15:28.830 felt like I was losing my mind and I didn't have a word for it. 209 00:15:28.269 --> 00:15:31.990 I just I ended up in her emergency psych ward. Maybe like you 210 00:15:31.549 --> 00:15:35.350 and I'm I just told the doctors that I just fucking feel crazy. I 211 00:15:35.470 --> 00:15:37.100 just I'm out of it. You know, they start to go through all 212 00:15:37.139 --> 00:15:41.419 the how are you sleeping? That at all? That, all that stuff. 213 00:15:41.179 --> 00:15:46.340 So it is a learning process and kind of like you, I'd hoped 214 00:15:46.659 --> 00:15:50.570 the psych ward might have been like of some kind of panacey. I like 215 00:15:50.690 --> 00:15:54.009 yeah, finally help. No, it wasn't like that at all. For 216 00:15:54.129 --> 00:15:58.690 me, it felt and it's still does when I'm having a critical episode. 217 00:16:00.490 --> 00:16:04.519 I've almost swear that the doctor's am Mo is just a bore me enough to 218 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:07.440 leave. They're like put him in the way to hear for like six hours. 219 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.879 He'll get over it, and you know, sometimes I fucking do, 220 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:15.720 because if you're in the waiting room at a psyche emergency, you know unit 221 00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:19.190 in a major city, you're going to want, you don't want to leave, 222 00:16:19.230 --> 00:16:23.309 because there are not like mental illness as a contest, but there are 223 00:16:23.350 --> 00:16:29.110 some seriously fucked up people in the emergency psyche wards. So it often feels 224 00:16:29.149 --> 00:16:33.419 weird as a person that can typically function except for, you know, occasional 225 00:16:33.500 --> 00:16:37.460 episodes, it feels strange to be in a waiting room looking through the glass 226 00:16:37.460 --> 00:16:41.860 at what appears to be the CUCKOO's nest. So yeah, I'm glad you 227 00:16:41.940 --> 00:16:45.779 stuck it through. Did you feel when you got diagnosed finally, after the 228 00:16:45.899 --> 00:16:51.649 third episode? Did that label help you? Did you feel like okay, 229 00:16:51.769 --> 00:16:56.450 cool, have an answer, or do you think it stigmatized you? I 230 00:16:57.450 --> 00:17:03.720 ad help me and I I'll are like my first thought was fear. Okay, 231 00:17:03.799 --> 00:17:07.720 I have this thing. I didn't know anything about it. Try to 232 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:11.519 learn side effects of medication. You know, you have doctors saying you're taking 233 00:17:11.559 --> 00:17:15.240 medicine the rest of your life. Now you know, and I'm very compliant. 234 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:21.869 I mean I resisted and was very defensive when I was manic and being 235 00:17:22.269 --> 00:17:26.509 taken involuntarily, and it is Hossbo experiences. But once I knew what was 236 00:17:26.549 --> 00:17:29.549 going on, it's like, okay, tell me what I have to do. 237 00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:32.539 You know, I know, I understand, there's no guarantees. I 238 00:17:32.619 --> 00:17:34.140 understand all this stuff, but you know, I'm going to do what you 239 00:17:34.299 --> 00:17:38.220 tell me to do because you're the professional. And once I got into a 240 00:17:38.299 --> 00:17:44.019 routine, I almost I don't want to say that my pore is good in 241 00:17:44.059 --> 00:17:47.089 any way, but I just started to feel like this is part of me 242 00:17:47.809 --> 00:17:52.089 and I'm going to live with it and I'm going to have a happy life 243 00:17:52.170 --> 00:17:53.569 with it and I'm just going to do everything I can and I'm going to 244 00:17:53.609 --> 00:17:57.759 accept the Times that it's dangerous or whatever happens. You know, I can't 245 00:17:57.799 --> 00:18:03.720 control that. But I did see it as like, what the Hell is 246 00:18:03.880 --> 00:18:07.880 this? What do I have to do? This is scary. You know, 247 00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:10.440 if I get a ache in my leg, is that for medicine? 248 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:12.509 You know, I have to really understand my body and what's happening with medication 249 00:18:12.630 --> 00:18:17.069 and and you know, I've again I'm good doctor, so that I'm thankful 250 00:18:17.150 --> 00:18:21.190 for that too. But once you get that squared away, it becomes like 251 00:18:21.349 --> 00:18:26.430 like I can write my own future and and I'm I really don't really, 252 00:18:26.670 --> 00:18:29.380 you know, see it. As you know, my other's a cloud over 253 00:18:29.460 --> 00:18:32.900 my life now and I can't live. I'm I'm looking at it positively, 254 00:18:33.059 --> 00:18:37.819 like without it I wouldn't been able to write this book or really understand some 255 00:18:37.940 --> 00:18:41.339 of these things. And you know, it's there's a lot of positives that 256 00:18:41.420 --> 00:18:47.089 comes with being able to talk about your experiences and just use it, you 257 00:18:47.170 --> 00:18:48.809 know, use it and take value from it. That's kind of my goal. 258 00:18:49.410 --> 00:18:52.609 Yeah, I agree. I felt the same way and in many ways 259 00:18:52.690 --> 00:18:57.680 I felt like my diagnosis was more of a road map, like what for 260 00:18:57.880 --> 00:19:00.839 where? Earlier, before I was diagnosed, I didn't know where to go, 261 00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:04.119 like I was driving around all over left, right, up, down. 262 00:19:04.680 --> 00:19:07.680 Once you have a diagnosis, at least you have especially in the nowadays, 263 00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:11.710 with the Internet, you could just go see what other people are doing 264 00:19:11.869 --> 00:19:15.309 to help themselves, and it does provide a lot of clarity. That said, 265 00:19:15.309 --> 00:19:19.069 I don't go around sharing with everybody I meet. Hey, I've got 266 00:19:19.349 --> 00:19:25.380 bipolar and clearly I don't use like a stage name on the podcast and things 267 00:19:25.420 --> 00:19:30.579 like that, because I still have to work and stigma is real and damnaging, 268 00:19:30.660 --> 00:19:33.740 of course, but I always likened it to I mean, like you 269 00:19:33.859 --> 00:19:38.529 see pair of Para Olympic athletes that are missing limbs. I mean they know 270 00:19:38.609 --> 00:19:41.809 they're missing a limb and they could either sit and do nothing or they could 271 00:19:42.089 --> 00:19:47.250 continue to live their life as best as they can and sue to that end. 272 00:19:47.369 --> 00:19:52.369 Like you said, just embracing what we have, using the diagnosis as 273 00:19:52.410 --> 00:19:56.720 a roadmap and moving forward, I think is such a critical part of the 274 00:19:56.799 --> 00:20:00.480 healing process of any mental illness. So I really applaud you for that especially 275 00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:08.910 than now when you're I noticed you. So you grew up with the older 276 00:20:08.950 --> 00:20:15.069 any younger brother? You're the Middle Child. Yeah, to I don't want 277 00:20:15.069 --> 00:20:21.539 to talk out of turn, but have your brother's experience any kind of mental 278 00:20:21.619 --> 00:20:26.980 impairments? They have any anything similar to bipolar at all? Now they're both 279 00:20:26.059 --> 00:20:30.740 perfect. Well, they they don't. They haven't had to deal with, 280 00:20:32.380 --> 00:20:36.289 you know, mental honess in this way. But you know, they I'm 281 00:20:36.369 --> 00:20:41.329 they're very supportive and yeah, we all played on the same basketball corps and 282 00:20:41.490 --> 00:20:44.609 compedate our whole lives with the same you know, no one there was no 283 00:20:45.210 --> 00:20:48.130 disability. We were playing and beating each other up. Yeah, that. 284 00:20:48.650 --> 00:20:52.240 Yeah, I guess I'm the one that had to experience these things and they've 285 00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:56.119 been supportive. So it's almost feels like, you know, obviously we're not 286 00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:00.880 all going through it, but they're there for me if I need them and 287 00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:03.869 you know, I definitely feel like I have people to lean on, which 288 00:21:03.990 --> 00:21:07.750 makes it easier for sure. For that is so great. It's so nice 289 00:21:07.750 --> 00:21:12.950 to hear when I when I hear stories of sufferers, or people with bipolar, 290 00:21:14.069 --> 00:21:17.430 whatever you want to call them, having a tight knit support circle, 291 00:21:17.509 --> 00:21:21.380 and they've been there since before, since the before time, you know. 292 00:21:21.779 --> 00:21:23.700 So they really know you, they know the core of you as a person 293 00:21:25.380 --> 00:21:29.779 and I'm sure they see is just the thing. And of course I mean 294 00:21:30.180 --> 00:21:33.569 personally speaking. I would much rather have heard that, sir, you have 295 00:21:33.849 --> 00:21:37.369 bipolar disordered than you have cancer and you're going to die of pancreatic cancer and 296 00:21:37.450 --> 00:21:41.130 it's six months or something like that. You know. So right there was 297 00:21:41.210 --> 00:21:47.240 definitely, of all the diagnosis we could have had, bipolar was not bad, 298 00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:49.880 because I'm like, well, there's parts of this I could actually embrace. 299 00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:55.200 I'm a creative person. Sometimes the HYPO mania, when I'm still functioning 300 00:21:55.279 --> 00:22:00.000 and not quite totally spun off the rack, I do lots of great creative 301 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:03.069 work. That's a same fact. Most of my life has been Oh, 302 00:22:03.190 --> 00:22:06.470 here comes to Hypomania. Let me go earn a bunch of money right quick 303 00:22:06.789 --> 00:22:10.109 before I get depressed, for a year ago broke. So it's this up 304 00:22:10.230 --> 00:22:12.509 and down and up and down and up and down, but knowing that it's 305 00:22:12.589 --> 00:22:17.940 not cancer, it's not diabetes, it's just bipolar in my mind. I 306 00:22:17.980 --> 00:22:21.180 don't want to diminish it to the listener or anybody new, because I know 307 00:22:21.339 --> 00:22:25.779 people that are new league diagnosed or are often very sensitive about it, and 308 00:22:26.779 --> 00:22:29.140 you know we understand. I just don't want you to think we don't. 309 00:22:29.220 --> 00:22:33.890 But there are some things within the spectrum of bipolar that are useful when you're 310 00:22:33.890 --> 00:22:38.569 trying to be productive. Yeah, and I find it really interesting and I 311 00:22:38.690 --> 00:22:42.690 think what separates it from, you know, a sickness or something that only 312 00:22:44.289 --> 00:22:47.599 makes you feel worse or takes your energy. I mean there's a lot of 313 00:22:47.960 --> 00:22:52.680 places where you have bipolar to sort of nobody knows it and you're actually performing 314 00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:56.039 very well and you can't see it. So I think I just think that's 315 00:22:56.079 --> 00:23:02.750 like a definitely like a factor that that I find interesting is you just wonder, 316 00:23:02.869 --> 00:23:07.150 here's here's a basketball team brought our casts, you know, defensive player 317 00:23:07.190 --> 00:23:12.460 of the year and the NBA A and and you don't nobody knows these bipolar 318 00:23:12.660 --> 00:23:17.779 out there. You know some of these entertainers there there bipolar, and it 319 00:23:17.900 --> 00:23:23.180 just shows you that it does allow there's no limitation, you know, if 320 00:23:23.220 --> 00:23:26.529 you can get it under order. And it just seems like if you can 321 00:23:26.690 --> 00:23:30.890 can find that that part of it a special it can actually kind of why 322 00:23:30.970 --> 00:23:36.410 you to find success somewhere. And I don't want to generalize, but that's 323 00:23:36.490 --> 00:23:38.930 just what I've seen, what I've experienced personally. Yeah, same here. 324 00:23:40.210 --> 00:23:45.160 When I would go to peer to peer support groups, like the depression and 325 00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:49.440 bipolar support lions. DBSA has peer to peer support groups. Sometimes I would 326 00:23:49.480 --> 00:23:56.349 go on a certain night and almost everybody there was simply depressed, like unipolar 327 00:23:56.950 --> 00:24:00.549 depression, not bipolar at all. I don't want to say simply to press 328 00:24:00.549 --> 00:24:03.910 because depression is fucking miserable, but I would get in that group and I'm 329 00:24:03.910 --> 00:24:07.670 like Ah, these people don't get me that. I got to find a 330 00:24:07.750 --> 00:24:11.900 different group now. So there's some benefit to that. The mania, the 331 00:24:11.940 --> 00:24:18.380 hyperactivity, the just general kinetic activity in the mind, and so yeah, 332 00:24:18.420 --> 00:24:22.299 I would have. Yeah, I guess if I had to choose between bipolar 333 00:24:22.460 --> 00:24:26.289 and general depression, I would pick bi polar. It sounds like a weird 334 00:24:26.289 --> 00:24:30.569 thing to say and I don't want to imply that hey bipolars from at all 335 00:24:30.089 --> 00:24:34.730 because the depressions miserable and a lot of times I'm depressed and manic at the 336 00:24:34.769 --> 00:24:38.240 same time, in a mixed state, which is super fuck because I always 337 00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:42.480 likened it to like well, I'm depressed enough to kill myself and I have 338 00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:48.920 the energy to go do it right, so that that's just miserable. Tell 339 00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:52.430 me about your other hobbies. Like I noticed in the book you mentioned music 340 00:24:52.509 --> 00:24:56.910 a lot. Do you do music or like what's what's the how do you 341 00:24:56.950 --> 00:25:00.109 function in life like, aside from running the book? What do you do? 342 00:25:00.150 --> 00:25:04.150 Yeah, I mean I love I love music. I don't play any 343 00:25:04.190 --> 00:25:08.779 music, but I just always have it on. I'm very into like hiphop, 344 00:25:10.339 --> 00:25:15.420 but I like most, most other music as well. I play Amateur 345 00:25:15.500 --> 00:25:18.019 Chess, so I play a lot of a lot of chests and I compete 346 00:25:18.059 --> 00:25:22.809 once a month for like a team in my city. And then, I 347 00:25:22.930 --> 00:25:26.609 think you know, I know one to texts hold them with something I played 348 00:25:26.690 --> 00:25:30.609 for fun during my childhood, but I really got some good advice and was 349 00:25:30.690 --> 00:25:34.759 able to do that as my career for a few years. So I definitely 350 00:25:34.799 --> 00:25:40.799 enjoy poker and I like teaching poker and training on poker as well. So 351 00:25:41.079 --> 00:25:42.480 so generally, you know, I've had I've never had a job for more 352 00:25:42.519 --> 00:25:48.640 than three years the same time, and I had a really good experience working 353 00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:52.910 for some some gyms and for a startup that did really well. So I'm 354 00:25:52.990 --> 00:25:57.670 just trying to apply my energy and to whatever it is and kind of pick 355 00:25:57.710 --> 00:26:00.509 it up. So right now, you know, I play poker as a 356 00:26:00.549 --> 00:26:03.579 hobby, at play chess is a hobby and I run a small real estate 357 00:26:03.660 --> 00:26:07.619 company and I'm just, you know, son some time on this book and 358 00:26:07.819 --> 00:26:11.740 I'm actually getting certified and mental health first aid in about a month so that 359 00:26:11.819 --> 00:26:18.089 I can hopefully teach some things and actually learned thanks, not just like on 360 00:26:18.250 --> 00:26:22.289 the job can buy poor experience, which is very dangerous. Yeah, I 361 00:26:22.369 --> 00:26:25.329 when I want to learn. You know, what are the essential things that 362 00:26:25.690 --> 00:26:29.410 people can take away instead of just my story that is unique to me? 363 00:26:29.849 --> 00:26:32.410 That's great. I love that. Well, and I don't want to put 364 00:26:32.410 --> 00:26:36.119 too much emphasis on the listener to be productive. I mean I kind of 365 00:26:36.119 --> 00:26:38.759 have issues with capitalism in general. I don't mean it was like, Oh, 366 00:26:38.759 --> 00:26:41.119 you got to be productive. Why? Why? If we don't have 367 00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:45.400 to? Why? But I like that you are productive and I like the 368 00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:48.950 way you are doing it. You do it similar to the way I've finally 369 00:26:48.230 --> 00:26:53.309 discovered his best and that's having a handful of things you're really good at that 370 00:26:53.470 --> 00:26:57.549 you could switch between almost not depending on your mood. You don't want to 371 00:26:57.589 --> 00:27:00.230 like change jobs every two weeks or whatever. That's not what I'm saying, 372 00:27:00.230 --> 00:27:04.299 but to be able to both have a kind of an intellectual and creative outlet. 373 00:27:04.980 --> 00:27:08.019 You are self controlled schedule, like it sounds like you can. You 374 00:27:08.099 --> 00:27:12.740 can control your schedule to some extent, being self employed, being an entrepreneur. 375 00:27:14.500 --> 00:27:18.809 I think that's critical for people that have, let's call it functional impairments, 376 00:27:21.049 --> 00:27:25.410 because the pressure of trying to fit into society with the forty hour a 377 00:27:25.490 --> 00:27:29.769 week job, showing up and having a boss that doesn't understand you or co 378 00:27:29.970 --> 00:27:33.359 workers that wonder why you're always get to call in sick or anything like that, 379 00:27:33.400 --> 00:27:37.200 that adds a whole different layer of stress. So I'm glad that you 380 00:27:37.319 --> 00:27:41.279 brought up the fact that you are you are productive again, not not that 381 00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:45.829 that's everything in the life, but it is important because I think it makes 382 00:27:45.829 --> 00:27:48.309 you feel good, makes you feel like increases your esteem. It feels like 383 00:27:48.390 --> 00:27:53.029 you can sustain yourself if everything else went to crap. Yeah, just, 384 00:27:53.190 --> 00:27:57.579 yeah, I think to you know, I was going to say just in 385 00:27:57.700 --> 00:28:02.180 terms of recovery and stability in general. To I think there's a way to 386 00:28:02.259 --> 00:28:07.259 view your recovery is something that you can be productive towards, for your own 387 00:28:07.259 --> 00:28:08.859 benefit. And what I mean by that is, you know, I do 388 00:28:08.940 --> 00:28:12.769 a morning routine, you know, med page, stretch, reading exercises, 389 00:28:12.849 --> 00:28:18.130 medicine, healthy breakfast. You know, afternoon is medicine and bringing exercise and 390 00:28:18.170 --> 00:28:25.450 nighttime is breathing actually medicine. And like those are things that don't take way 391 00:28:25.450 --> 00:28:30.599 along and anybody can do them and it's a hundred percent. Is Noticeable, 392 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:33.400 like I can tell when I'm flacking a little bit versus when I'm doing it, 393 00:28:34.200 --> 00:28:37.359 and I think if you know, if nothing else, and I'm trying 394 00:28:37.400 --> 00:28:41.000 to be careful, like I think I would hope. I would hope to 395 00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:42.910 be able to send the message out that, like, medicine is definitely working 396 00:28:42.950 --> 00:28:47.710 for me and doing these activities is definitely working for me and you know, 397 00:28:47.829 --> 00:28:52.069 I feel like they are doable by anybody and so that you know, having 398 00:28:52.069 --> 00:28:56.779 discipline and being productive in those areas. I've definitely found a lot of success 399 00:28:56.819 --> 00:29:00.099 in my recovery. And you still look at your count for you you have 400 00:29:00.299 --> 00:29:03.980 time and you know work is definitely something that needs to happen, but I 401 00:29:03.140 --> 00:29:07.779 think you know you take fifteen minutes in the morning every single day or you 402 00:29:07.900 --> 00:29:11.609 know when you can, you see results and you know that is fully in 403 00:29:11.849 --> 00:29:15.450 your control. You know when you're up for it and if you see the 404 00:29:15.529 --> 00:29:18.049 value in it. So that's definitely something you'll kind of like being productive in 405 00:29:18.130 --> 00:29:25.039 your own recovery, like I found that to be yeah, yeah, definitely 406 00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:27.519 that's important. Yeah, just and to be active, to be engaged in 407 00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:33.720 your recovery. And I get your point. A lot of times I'm somewhat 408 00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:37.319 flippant, especially on twitter, and I forget that I don't have to say 409 00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:41.470 the whole message, like, for example, what you just said about healthy 410 00:29:41.549 --> 00:29:45.190 eating and exercise and things like that. That is so critical. But if 411 00:29:45.269 --> 00:29:49.750 you would only say that to a person that's suffering, they would just probably 412 00:29:49.789 --> 00:29:53.900 snap back and say, you know, exercize and Water is not going to 413 00:29:53.980 --> 00:29:56.819 cure my mental illness. Like, we get it. That's not what we're 414 00:29:56.819 --> 00:30:00.579 saying. We're saying that it will definitely help in addition to your medicine. 415 00:30:00.660 --> 00:30:06.819 I can say to like my recoveries are pretty unique, like I go way 416 00:30:06.900 --> 00:30:11.210 up and then I go way down and then I have a consistent eighteen month 417 00:30:11.289 --> 00:30:15.410 recovery. So for me it's probably a little easier to build my schedule back 418 00:30:15.450 --> 00:30:18.450 and add these things and see over time, because I'm not constantly going up 419 00:30:18.490 --> 00:30:25.400 and down right in there too, like I'm tailoring. It works for me 420 00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:29.160 and I think I'm at an advantage in that way because I have these consistent, 421 00:30:29.359 --> 00:30:32.200 you know, slow inclines and that, you know, that's where this 422 00:30:32.319 --> 00:30:34.200 came from, this style. Yeah, and it's true, and we can 423 00:30:34.279 --> 00:30:40.430 we've both kind of hit on this. Similarly, everybody situation is completely different, 424 00:30:40.470 --> 00:30:45.150 completely unique, and it often takes not weeks or months but years, 425 00:30:45.390 --> 00:30:48.150 literally, year after year after year, before you start to detect these patterns. 426 00:30:48.549 --> 00:30:52.180 And once, once you do detect them, then you can manage them 427 00:30:52.220 --> 00:30:56.019 a lot easier and you start to feel a lot more comfortable with them. 428 00:30:56.700 --> 00:30:59.500 So, yeah, I think that's a critical point, just starting to just 429 00:30:59.619 --> 00:31:03.450 pay attention to your own cycles or patterns or I'm not sure the best or 430 00:31:03.490 --> 00:31:07.730 the medicinal or clinical way to say that, but just you letting it be 431 00:31:08.529 --> 00:31:12.450 and not freaking out, not panicking about the fact that you're having an episode, 432 00:31:12.450 --> 00:31:17.170 especially once you've been diagnosed. Excuse me, once you've been diagnosed, 433 00:31:17.210 --> 00:31:18.720 you kind of know what it is. You know you're not going to die 434 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:22.599 of that. Specifically, you might become suicidal, but you're not going to 435 00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:29.079 just die of bipolar like cancer, going back to that morbid example. So 436 00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:33.869 yeah, so you have you have some option, one like it. There's 437 00:31:33.869 --> 00:31:37.910 choice of an option eventually. Yeah, and and not to not suicidality. 438 00:31:38.029 --> 00:31:42.109 That's fucking ridiculous as well. I just get so bad there. I've been 439 00:31:42.109 --> 00:31:45.589 there so many times and the moment I pull back from it, I'm like 440 00:31:45.670 --> 00:31:49.579 how, why did I get how did it get that bad? Yeah, 441 00:31:49.619 --> 00:31:55.740 it's inexplicable. So to the listener, we know there are times when you're 442 00:31:55.740 --> 00:31:57.700 suffering. In fact, if this is one of those times, I'm just 443 00:31:57.859 --> 00:32:00.059 like, well, just take it five minutes at a time. It doesn't 444 00:32:00.059 --> 00:32:01.809 have to be an hour at a time. Doesn't even have to. People 445 00:32:01.809 --> 00:32:05.049 say just take it one day at a time. I'm like, I don't 446 00:32:05.049 --> 00:32:08.890 know if I'll be alive by sundown. So it's really important just to sit 447 00:32:08.970 --> 00:32:15.490 your standards and put your goals, measure your goals in little chunks that you 448 00:32:15.569 --> 00:32:19.880 can actually accomplish. So you know, like you said, breathing, that's 449 00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:22.559 so critical. It's one of the things I suck at because I get hyper, 450 00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:25.319 I get excited, I want to do at all that and then before 451 00:32:25.319 --> 00:32:30.789 I know I'm like I got breathe, that's right. So focusing and making 452 00:32:30.869 --> 00:32:34.269 time to breathe. I'm sure there's lots of APPs. People put it on 453 00:32:34.309 --> 00:32:37.630 their watch and things like that. So, yeah, breathing is critical, 454 00:32:37.710 --> 00:32:40.190 probably more important than and I don't mean that like the you need air, 455 00:32:40.309 --> 00:32:45.740 but I mean like concentrated breathing, deep breathing, making space for your mind 456 00:32:45.940 --> 00:32:50.980 in that moment while you're breathing. I think it's a bigger deal than most 457 00:32:51.019 --> 00:32:55.660 people give considerations. You right now, right, I can eatier when then 458 00:32:55.740 --> 00:33:00.089 some of the other way to get a win. Yeah, it's it's weird 459 00:33:00.170 --> 00:33:04.970 too, because even if you're dead depressed laying in bed, sometimes I'm like, 460 00:33:06.250 --> 00:33:08.170 I can't get into the breathing thing right now. I'm just going to 461 00:33:08.210 --> 00:33:15.400 roll over here for just sleeping the rest of the week. Yeah, yeah, 462 00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:16.880 now, I get that. Totally get that. Yeah, it's hard. 463 00:33:19.079 --> 00:33:22.880 No kidding, it's hard, but I'm glad you put it all together, 464 00:33:22.519 --> 00:33:28.630 since this book, I think, will really establish you as as a 465 00:33:28.710 --> 00:33:31.750 true author. Do you have plans to write more in the future, after 466 00:33:31.750 --> 00:33:36.869 you collect more stories, or once you get certified as a mental health first 467 00:33:36.950 --> 00:33:42.140 age you do, you like to write enough to write another book. So 468 00:33:42.220 --> 00:33:45.099 I started writing a little bit more. I wrote about a hundred pages of 469 00:33:45.140 --> 00:33:50.380 kind of some sort of recovery or what I'm doing now, and I kind 470 00:33:50.420 --> 00:33:54.460 of the interesting thing about writing for me is going to that place where I'm 471 00:33:54.500 --> 00:34:00.170 in the scene and thinking about what's going on. So fortunately I've been in 472 00:34:00.250 --> 00:34:05.369 a very healthy place for a deep probably about a year since I got things 473 00:34:05.490 --> 00:34:07.170 organized, and so I haven't had those like moments where I'm like, I 474 00:34:07.329 --> 00:34:12.320 want to dig back into when I was so depressed and what I was thinking 475 00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:15.800 and feeling and seeing, and so I wrote about a hundred pages. Very 476 00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:19.480 it's more of like a light type of self help thing. What I found 477 00:34:19.639 --> 00:34:23.280 was I might just that might just be better as a social media or, 478 00:34:23.429 --> 00:34:27.949 you know, some encouraging types of things I can put online. I'm kind 479 00:34:27.949 --> 00:34:32.429 of pick and choosing from that and I have, you know, a unfortunate 480 00:34:32.510 --> 00:34:36.789 hopefully I don't have to write anymore. I'm daring to say right I think 481 00:34:36.829 --> 00:34:38.780 it would take something like that for me to really, you know, feel 482 00:34:38.860 --> 00:34:44.019 worth it to get back in there. But but yeah, I absolutely want 483 00:34:44.059 --> 00:34:45.820 to learn more and I think, as I learned more it might not be 484 00:34:45.940 --> 00:34:52.769 as entertaining and interesting writing, but hopefully helpful. That brings up something else 485 00:34:52.809 --> 00:34:59.369 I noticed in your bio. So when you write in very descriptive terms, 486 00:34:59.690 --> 00:35:05.809 there's a word you use for condition you have that lets you recall things with 487 00:35:06.050 --> 00:35:10.119 explicit detail. You want to talk about that real quick sure. It's called 488 00:35:10.199 --> 00:35:16.800 Hypernesia. I didn't know as a thing until I let my doctor actually read 489 00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:21.630 the manuscript or yeah, before I was even published, and she looked at 490 00:35:21.630 --> 00:35:25.389 up and determined like that I have that and essentially it just allows me to 491 00:35:25.590 --> 00:35:35.670 recall very specific things in grades during times of Trauma. So, like you 492 00:35:35.710 --> 00:35:37.699 said before, you not a lot of people with bipolar writing books about, 493 00:35:37.739 --> 00:35:42.619 I mean mature their song. But what I try to do was just give 494 00:35:42.699 --> 00:35:45.619 you that experience and pull out from, I guess, that ability that I 495 00:35:45.780 --> 00:35:51.130 have to tell a wow you to walk through it with me, the danger, 496 00:35:51.570 --> 00:35:54.730 the music, that the highs, the looes. So having that condition, 497 00:35:54.969 --> 00:35:59.650 it just allows me to recall things in great detail and I think I've 498 00:35:59.690 --> 00:36:01.530 read a bunch of books on my poor. I think that is what I 499 00:36:01.730 --> 00:36:05.880 thought makes this book unique compared to the other ones that I've read. Yeah, 500 00:36:06.079 --> 00:36:07.880 and so that. Yeah, that's called Hypernesia. Yeah, I think 501 00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:13.719 so too, and I think it's what made reading those little vignettes of your 502 00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:19.510 stories much more engrossing and in I kind of need that for me when I 503 00:36:19.630 --> 00:36:23.869 read fiction or nonfiction of the biography type stories, I need that detail, 504 00:36:23.989 --> 00:36:28.829 otherwise it just gets kind of dry. So I thought that was really cool 505 00:36:29.510 --> 00:36:31.900 and I couldn't I started think, because I think that way too. But 506 00:36:31.980 --> 00:36:36.179 then I start to wonder, is that just my creative brain kicking in and 507 00:36:36.260 --> 00:36:38.059 making up stuff? But I'm like, now, let me check. So 508 00:36:38.139 --> 00:36:42.420 I'd asked friends or family about old stories and they're like, yeah, that's 509 00:36:42.420 --> 00:36:45.780 totally what happened. How do you remember that? I like, I don't 510 00:36:45.780 --> 00:36:49.610 know. How do you not remember it? So I just now I think 511 00:36:49.650 --> 00:36:53.730 it's super valuable as a creative writer to have that skill. So I encourage 512 00:36:53.769 --> 00:36:58.130 you to keep writing, whatever it is like, even if it's not your 513 00:36:58.170 --> 00:37:02.840 story, just to to keep that muscle flex so to speak. Sure. 514 00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:08.119 So what? How can people help you, aside from buying your book? 515 00:37:08.119 --> 00:37:14.360 Obviously, again we're talking to were talking to Brett Stevens. He wrote the 516 00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.190 Book Crossover. It's brand new. It's up on Amazon. Lots of five 517 00:37:16.269 --> 00:37:22.429 star reviews. Link is in the notes below. So, aside from buying 518 00:37:22.469 --> 00:37:29.590 your book and kind of shedding some light on to the society about bipolar, 519 00:37:30.219 --> 00:37:34.380 how can people that hear this help you or find you or communicate with you 520 00:37:37.900 --> 00:37:42.380 shorter? So you can definitely you can email me directly. My it's just 521 00:37:42.539 --> 00:37:46.210 be a Stevens for a to a gmailcom. We have a website like you 522 00:37:46.289 --> 00:37:52.050 mentioned before, inside Amantic mindcom. We're on facebook crossoverlooking sidemanic mine and then 523 00:37:52.170 --> 00:37:58.760 instagram and twitter crossover, underscore book and then rest Stevens on Linkedin. But 524 00:37:58.880 --> 00:38:01.639 I think the one of the things that I think that this could be actually 525 00:38:01.760 --> 00:38:07.239 helpful for, instead of just being a broad story, is if if you're 526 00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:12.559 a medical professional or a teacher trying to help a student or a patient or 527 00:38:12.599 --> 00:38:17.750 family member understand what mania is or what a ramp up to a manic episode, 528 00:38:17.750 --> 00:38:22.230 what is it like to be inside of a hospital? A few people 529 00:38:22.269 --> 00:38:24.550 that I've handed it to that are in that that field have shown it to 530 00:38:24.909 --> 00:38:31.699 patients and have been able to explain things in plain terms, not medical language, 531 00:38:32.659 --> 00:38:37.260 that that has been helpful. So I think if you know, if 532 00:38:37.260 --> 00:38:43.090 you anyone who is interested in kind of actually using it as a resource to 533 00:38:43.409 --> 00:38:46.409 walk through an example with someone that might need it. I think that's been 534 00:38:46.409 --> 00:38:49.409 the biggest thing. So other than that, I mean I'm just going to 535 00:38:49.409 --> 00:38:52.090 I'm going to get certified and mental first aid. I'm going to really, 536 00:38:52.250 --> 00:38:57.440 really have a lot of learning to do to figure out really how I can 537 00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:00.679 help in the way that I'm going to be able to help in. So 538 00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:04.440 just communicate with me and I'll try to keep everyone posted on what I'm doing. 539 00:39:04.519 --> 00:39:07.360 And then, you know, the goal here is for me, first 540 00:39:07.400 --> 00:39:12.190 it's going to be to teach family members and friends how to deal with someone 541 00:39:12.230 --> 00:39:15.750 who is going through an episode or how to get ahead of it, and 542 00:39:15.989 --> 00:39:17.070 that's going to be my first goal. I want to just keep it to 543 00:39:17.190 --> 00:39:21.429 that so that I can kind of go from there and see see where that 544 00:39:21.550 --> 00:39:27.340 can be valuable next. That's great points, specially the point about medical professionals 545 00:39:27.980 --> 00:39:31.420 trying to reach for examples to share with their new patients. Reach no further. 546 00:39:31.659 --> 00:39:36.380 You've got some free research right here, the books called Crossover. When 547 00:39:36.539 --> 00:39:39.250 you see all the random books on Amazon or whatnot, look forward. Looks 548 00:39:39.289 --> 00:39:43.369 like a kind of a gray cement color background with the bright pair of Red 549 00:39:43.530 --> 00:39:47.170 Converse on the front. That's the correct book. That's Brett's book crossover. 550 00:39:47.650 --> 00:39:51.570 Look through it, scan through and it's a great kind of book because you 551 00:39:51.650 --> 00:39:53.280 can flip through it and jump to a different story, to a different story. 552 00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:58.000 I don't think it has necessarily be read in chronological order. My correct. 553 00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:02.119 I think it's meant to be in chronological order, but you can definitely 554 00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:07.469 get get the meat of it by swipping through. Yeah, just kind of 555 00:40:07.469 --> 00:40:09.750 suck it books, but I'd I love them, but I like I'd tip 556 00:40:09.829 --> 00:40:14.630 typically jump around and I found that to be easy for me as well in 557 00:40:15.150 --> 00:40:19.429 yours and you can kind of step through it. Yeah, the section were 558 00:40:19.429 --> 00:40:22.099 written like when I ran out of energy that day. That's that's when the 559 00:40:22.179 --> 00:40:27.300 section ended. It only goes as far as my attention band can take me 560 00:40:27.699 --> 00:40:30.139 for their relatively short section. I like that fair. It's perfect. It's 561 00:40:30.139 --> 00:40:36.730 not necessarily sort of they're like the perfect amount of digestible storytelling. I think, 562 00:40:36.809 --> 00:40:40.210 and especially coming from a manic perspective, it's so critical to get that 563 00:40:40.329 --> 00:40:45.329 out there and again reflecting your stories, with hearing your voice on a show 564 00:40:45.449 --> 00:40:49.489 like this, I think people start to get the idea that, oh, 565 00:40:49.650 --> 00:40:52.599 bipolar, is it what I thought it was? They're not flame and lunatics. 566 00:40:52.719 --> 00:40:58.280 They they just have episodes, and to experience what our episodes look like. 567 00:40:59.000 --> 00:41:01.519 That's the thing right there. Go look at those and, honestly, 568 00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:06.869 if you see somebody tripping out in public, maybe don't be such an asshole 569 00:41:06.869 --> 00:41:08.750 to that person. Do your best, like like the Chubby guy at the 570 00:41:08.750 --> 00:41:14.670 pizza parlor. Just do your best to satisfy the situation. Yeah, and 571 00:41:14.829 --> 00:41:17.619 that's thing. Yeah, I mean, and for sure. Well, I 572 00:41:17.699 --> 00:41:22.179 think we've all been there and, especially upon hindsight, we can see that 573 00:41:22.300 --> 00:41:27.139 we were the instigator and some of that. But just the same, I've 574 00:41:27.179 --> 00:41:31.139 seen plenty of instances where somebody's kind of a little in need, I guess, 575 00:41:31.300 --> 00:41:36.010 in public and they're clearly suffering of something. So I would hope that 576 00:41:36.090 --> 00:41:38.769 the public would read stories like yours and understand that, oh, he's just 577 00:41:38.929 --> 00:41:43.329 having an episode, like if you see a person flopping around with epilepsy. 578 00:41:43.809 --> 00:41:45.449 You know, if you known people with epilepsy, they say we'll give him 579 00:41:45.489 --> 00:41:49.159 some space, you know, make sure it hurt his head or that kind 580 00:41:49.199 --> 00:41:51.920 of thing. There's certain things you can do to help a person having an 581 00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:57.239 episode, tackling them, rushing them, blocking them from escape, that's not 582 00:41:57.400 --> 00:42:00.750 going to help. So I think by reading your stories, the average lay 583 00:42:00.829 --> 00:42:07.070 person will be able to better understand bipolar disorder in general and maybe even help 584 00:42:07.190 --> 00:42:10.989 in a specific instance in the future. So that's that's fucking great man. 585 00:42:13.869 --> 00:42:17.820 Thank you. Yeah, so we'll close it out and we were talking earlier 586 00:42:17.860 --> 00:42:22.460 about a lot of people just drop off after about twenty, twenty five minutes, 587 00:42:22.099 --> 00:42:24.420 so I don't want to go too long for the listener. I think 588 00:42:24.460 --> 00:42:28.260 we've got a bunch of good stuff. Do you feel like you've got enough 589 00:42:28.260 --> 00:42:32.010 of your story out so far? Oh yeah, for sure, cool, 590 00:42:32.050 --> 00:42:37.170 cool. So Brett and I met via twitter. We're both on twitter. 591 00:42:37.449 --> 00:42:39.690 If you want to follow either of us, come on along. We're happy 592 00:42:39.690 --> 00:42:44.130 to have you and so far as I can tell, we're both very communicative. 593 00:42:44.130 --> 00:42:46.239 If you want to reach out to US personally, go right head. 594 00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:52.719 We will respond. So, that said, Brett, I really appreciate your 595 00:42:52.760 --> 00:42:59.949 time. Everybody listening. Brett Stevens Common Spelling Book is called Crossover. It's 596 00:42:59.949 --> 00:43:02.829 available wherever you buy books. You should go get it, read it, 597 00:43:04.349 --> 00:43:07.110 share it with some friends or, better yet, have your friends by their 598 00:43:07.150 --> 00:43:09.869 own copy. So thanks again, Brett, and I look forward to checking 599 00:43:09.949 --> 00:43:14.699 in with you at several months or so. How about that? I'm going 600 00:43:14.780 --> 00:43:16.940 to me. Thank you right on man. Well, have a great weekend, 601 00:43:16.980 --> 00:43:21.420 you guys in Brett, have a happy holiday, whichever ones you celebrate. 602 00:43:22.139 --> 00:43:27.019 Appreciate you and I look forward to talking to you soon. All right, 603 00:43:27.099 --> 00:43:29.489 pame to you who Goggle, make me go