Creative and mentally ill? NFTs might be for you / Matching your "best self" with your best moments

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:12.029 Hi and welcome back to Emo Dojo. I'm johnny emotions and today it's just 2 00:00:12.349 --> 00:00:18.149 you and meet so just kick back and relax. Today I'm going to talk 3 00:00:18.149 --> 00:00:24.699 about NFT's and how people with mental illnesses might be able to leverage this as 4 00:00:24.820 --> 00:00:30.539 a source of income without having a boss. It's awesome. And then I'm 5 00:00:30.539 --> 00:00:37.170 going to talk about how having a mental illness really throws off your timing, 6 00:00:37.409 --> 00:00:43.729 your overall timing and relationships throughout your life. That causes kind of a recurring 7 00:00:43.770 --> 00:00:48.850 downward spiral. So I'll get to that at the end, but first let's 8 00:00:48.850 --> 00:00:57.719 talk about N F T's. What is NFT? No fuzzy things. Now 9 00:00:57.880 --> 00:01:00.759 I don't know, and ft you could be a lot of things. You 10 00:01:00.920 --> 00:01:04.709 can make up your own in this context. What I'm talking about is this 11 00:01:04.950 --> 00:01:12.549 new thing, new ish thing, called non fungible token. It's kind of 12 00:01:12.590 --> 00:01:18.109 a lame marketing term, whatever, we're stuck with it. Nft Is an 13 00:01:18.109 --> 00:01:23.620 nft that's a non fungible token. This non fungible token is a newer piece 14 00:01:25.219 --> 00:01:30.260 of the blockchain world. So in the blockchain world you're familiar probably with blockchain 15 00:01:30.379 --> 00:01:38.730 money like bitcoin and etherium things like that. Well, and FT's are block 16 00:01:38.810 --> 00:01:45.209 chained pieces of digital artwork, and so there are a lot of people with 17 00:01:45.409 --> 00:01:53.200 Bitcoin, etherium, all the types of, you know, tradable blockchain money, 18 00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:57.040 because they started early and they got lots of it and they're looking for 19 00:01:57.120 --> 00:02:00.549 an interesting, weird things to buy. So this is created an art market 20 00:02:01.069 --> 00:02:07.709 of NFT's which could be anything, anything you can imagine that's digital. It 21 00:02:07.870 --> 00:02:13.509 doesn't really matter much like in the real art world, art is very subjective 22 00:02:13.550 --> 00:02:16.500 to the viewer. You go into any art gallery around the world and you're 23 00:02:16.580 --> 00:02:21.780 probably going to find something on the wall or on the pedestal that makes you 24 00:02:21.939 --> 00:02:25.620 scratch your head and wonder what the fuck is this? How did this get 25 00:02:25.699 --> 00:02:30.090 in here? This looks like a I want to say this, and this 26 00:02:30.129 --> 00:02:34.849 looks like a person with no skill made this. And I feel the same 27 00:02:34.849 --> 00:02:38.889 way about many nfts, and that's okay, because that's the great thing about 28 00:02:38.889 --> 00:02:44.319 art. But the really interesting thing, I think, is here we get 29 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:51.280 like in this zend diagram of and employability and creativity. Well, a lot 30 00:02:51.319 --> 00:02:54.199 of people with mental illnesses have those two, but we don't have the stability 31 00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:59.469 things. So we can't handle normal jobs for long periods of time because something 32 00:02:59.550 --> 00:03:04.550 will go off the rail and then the whole cycle repeats itself. With creative 33 00:03:04.590 --> 00:03:07.310 work or working for yourself, or just if you're a designer, and particularly 34 00:03:07.349 --> 00:03:14.419 an artist, a photographer that works in digital anything. I mean he could 35 00:03:14.500 --> 00:03:19.780 just anything you can get onto that screen and convert up into one of the 36 00:03:19.860 --> 00:03:23.580 platforms that I'll talk about in a second. You can sell for whatever you 37 00:03:23.699 --> 00:03:25.979 want. It's like Ebay. You could be crazy because I got one a 38 00:03:27.020 --> 00:03:29.930 million dollars. Okay, well, probably going to sit there, but maybe 39 00:03:30.009 --> 00:03:36.210 it maybe gets sold. Who knows? That's the really interesting thing about nfts 40 00:03:36.250 --> 00:03:40.840 right now. And so a lot of you are creative and many of you 41 00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:46.759 are probably struggling trying to hold down a quote unquote normal job and you probably 42 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:51.439 have this little creative creature inside of you just begging to get out and go, 43 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:53.680 you know, live in a cabin in the forest or on the beach 44 00:03:53.719 --> 00:04:00.310 or something and make artwork and play guitar and, you know, just sit 45 00:04:00.750 --> 00:04:04.509 coconut drinks or whatever you do. But I just I know so many creative 46 00:04:04.550 --> 00:04:10.979 people that also have mental illnesses, that suffer daily because they have to go 47 00:04:11.139 --> 00:04:16.139 to what normal people call a day job. So nfts might be one path 48 00:04:16.420 --> 00:04:19.980 to escape that misery. So I'm just going to tell you real quick and 49 00:04:19.980 --> 00:04:25.129 about five or six steps, what I did and how I did it and 50 00:04:25.329 --> 00:04:30.410 the platforms I used. Ready for this? Okay? First you got to 51 00:04:30.449 --> 00:04:35.569 get the coin base APP, all right. So coin base allows you to 52 00:04:35.769 --> 00:04:41.759 buy Bitcoin, the theorium, all the different all kinds of different stuff like 53 00:04:41.839 --> 00:04:45.759 that. And in this case, for Simplicity Sake, I'm just going to 54 00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:48.240 tell you what I used and you can dig into the details on your own 55 00:04:48.279 --> 00:04:54.750 later. But so I chose etherium because it works with the simplest platform that 56 00:04:54.790 --> 00:05:00.189 I found. So I bought some etherium and then you have to download APP 57 00:05:00.269 --> 00:05:08.579 that goes with coin base called Coin Wallet. I downloaded coin wallet, then 58 00:05:08.620 --> 00:05:14.980 I traded my etherium that I bought in coin base over to the coin wallet. 59 00:05:15.899 --> 00:05:18.980 Pretty simple, so far, right. The next thing I did was 60 00:05:19.019 --> 00:05:24.529 I went over to the platform that I had chose. In chosen that I 61 00:05:24.569 --> 00:05:30.730 had chosen whatever called open sea. It's open sea, like the ocean, 62 00:05:31.009 --> 00:05:36.040 open sea, opensee, seemed like the easiest and coin based also seemed like 63 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:41.319 the easiest APP to get etherium. If theorium works with both of these really 64 00:05:41.399 --> 00:05:46.959 easily. So that seemed like the simplest way to go. Keep in mind 65 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:50.389 if you use things that are simple and thought out, well plan and that 66 00:05:50.589 --> 00:05:57.629 means they often hired better programmers and therefore they're probably taken out a percentage or 67 00:05:57.709 --> 00:06:01.430 something somewhere in the way because you're paying for that elegance. Okay, that's 68 00:06:01.430 --> 00:06:04.980 fine. I'm down with paying a little extra for the elegance and ease of 69 00:06:05.019 --> 00:06:09.660 use. So you with me so far? We put some money from our 70 00:06:09.660 --> 00:06:15.660 bank account on two coin base, transferred that etherium that we bought on coin 71 00:06:15.699 --> 00:06:20.209 base over the coin wallet and then we opened an account on open see. 72 00:06:23.129 --> 00:06:28.250 Now I uploaded the design, the artwork that I want to sell on open 73 00:06:28.329 --> 00:06:31.769 sea and I hit sell. I think I'm not looking at the screen right 74 00:06:31.810 --> 00:06:35.199 now, but basically there's a big blue button that says a seller or post 75 00:06:35.319 --> 00:06:40.519 or something like that. Go ahead and click that. Now here's where. 76 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:46.519 Here's the biggest catch that I found right in this process. Once you say 77 00:06:46.519 --> 00:06:49.149 sell this item, it's going to ask you three different ways to sell it 78 00:06:49.310 --> 00:06:54.629 and you chick choose whatever way you want. I chose like a set price, 79 00:06:54.790 --> 00:06:57.629 like it'll just stay there, and so they'll somebody meets that price. 80 00:06:58.910 --> 00:07:03.259 You can also do like auction style and one other one. Once you click 81 00:07:03.420 --> 00:07:06.779 that, you're going to get a message to say, Hey, we have 82 00:07:08.060 --> 00:07:11.699 a few low fees and whatever. I'm like, okay, that's fine. 83 00:07:12.699 --> 00:07:17.889 Then you click a button and then it connects to your coin and Wallet, 84 00:07:18.850 --> 00:07:23.889 the Coin Base App and they talked back and forth. So the next step 85 00:07:24.490 --> 00:07:29.970 of the here's where I'm like a f come on. So the dialog screen 86 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:32.759 came up and said, hey, mining fees are a bit high right now. 87 00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:39.720 So gave you three different choices of a minor apparently something has to be 88 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:46.149 mined to set up your open sea account. Kind of makes sense to me. 89 00:07:46.230 --> 00:07:48.430 It's fine. You can't get around it. Whatever. The issue here 90 00:07:48.589 --> 00:07:54.990 was that those mining fees that, you know, the previous screen said were 91 00:07:55.589 --> 00:08:00.180 small turn out to be a hundred bucks roughly. I think there's a hundred 92 00:08:00.259 --> 00:08:03.620 six dollar one, a hundred eighteen dollar one and a hundred and twelve something 93 00:08:03.699 --> 00:08:05.980 like that. Those three different choices, they were all just over a hundred 94 00:08:07.060 --> 00:08:15.290 bucks. To basically connect. What was the terminology they used? Something like 95 00:08:15.370 --> 00:08:20.170 initiate your account at Opensee or something like that. It's fine, I mean 96 00:08:20.569 --> 00:08:22.970 that terminology I'm not too concern with. I just want to get the fucking 97 00:08:24.050 --> 00:08:28.399 thing up there so people can bid on it. Right long and short of 98 00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:35.360 it, I had to go back to my etherium on my coin base APP 99 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:39.039 and buy more of it. I had to buy enough so I had whatever, 100 00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:43.870 a hundred and twenty twenty five dollars worth of Aitherium, so that I 101 00:08:43.909 --> 00:08:48.830 had to then transfer the hundred and twenty five bucks worth of Atherium back over 102 00:08:48.950 --> 00:08:56.259 to my coin wallet and then reinitiate the sell this artwork button once that connects 103 00:08:56.379 --> 00:09:01.340 to your coin wallet again. There you go. It's a sees that you 104 00:09:01.419 --> 00:09:07.580 have enough to cover the transaction or the mining fee and let you post the 105 00:09:07.740 --> 00:09:11.370 item and now the items posts. You're good to go, and I think 106 00:09:11.409 --> 00:09:15.409 that mining fee covers the next items you post to. I think it's just 107 00:09:15.490 --> 00:09:20.409 for your account overall. I'll know tomorrow after I try to post more items 108 00:09:20.769 --> 00:09:22.610 and I'll update you on that. So, long and short of it, 109 00:09:22.690 --> 00:09:28.240 it's about a hundred and twenty, hundred and twenty five bucks. You'll have 110 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:33.639 to spend. You know that much on the etherium in coin base transfer. 111 00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:39.070 Roughly hundred twenty five bucks in the theorium from coin base to coin wallet. 112 00:09:39.509 --> 00:09:45.909 Go on open see, start an account, put up your artwork, click 113 00:09:45.950 --> 00:09:48.590 the button that you want to sell it. Let them initiate to each other 114 00:09:48.789 --> 00:09:54.460 to your coin wallet and once it shows they have enough money to start the 115 00:09:54.539 --> 00:10:00.100 mining. That'll happen and then you can post your artwork Tudda. How about 116 00:10:00.100 --> 00:10:03.580 that? Now the great thing is, or will be, I should hope, 117 00:10:05.019 --> 00:10:07.409 is that it's not a hundred twenty five dollars to have to post each 118 00:10:07.570 --> 00:10:11.129 thing. If it is, that's pretty prohibitive. Obviously. If it's just 119 00:10:11.250 --> 00:10:15.970 a hundred and twenty five to start art one account, or one gallery, 120 00:10:16.009 --> 00:10:20.009 let's call it, that seems fair, because then just stuff that bad boy 121 00:10:20.090 --> 00:10:24.360 full of all your crazy artwork and see what sells. Who knows what if 122 00:10:24.440 --> 00:10:28.120 somebody likes your stuff? What if you have like a whole series of matching 123 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:31.879 characters or things like that? That could be worth a lot of money to 124 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:35.950 somebody, especially people that are collecting original stuff. And the really neat thing 125 00:10:35.990 --> 00:10:39.590 is, since it's blockchained, if that person ever sells it, you can 126 00:10:39.669 --> 00:10:43.669 set it so that a percentage of that sale comes back to you. So 127 00:10:43.789 --> 00:10:46.990 if I put up a piece of artwork and I say I want ten percent 128 00:10:48.429 --> 00:10:52.179 royalty. Every time someone sells that on the blockchain to somebody else, I 129 00:10:52.299 --> 00:11:00.299 get ten percent. I can't explain why things you see on your screen are 130 00:11:00.379 --> 00:11:03.460 worth money, though. That part blows me away. Why don't you just 131 00:11:03.539 --> 00:11:05.769 take a screenshot of it? That it? I don't know. There's something 132 00:11:05.850 --> 00:11:09.210 to ownership, true ownership, and on the blockchain it's proven that you actually 133 00:11:09.730 --> 00:11:15.490 own the original of that piece of art or the rights from the original creator. 134 00:11:15.929 --> 00:11:18.279 So that's that's kind of cool and I think it's worth a hundred and 135 00:11:18.360 --> 00:11:22.120 twenty five bucks to find out. So I will keep you posted and let 136 00:11:22.159 --> 00:11:26.600 you know if that's for the whole account or for per item. All right, 137 00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:35.110 cool. The other thing that's been weighing kind of heavy on my heart 138 00:11:35.149 --> 00:11:41.190 lately is this idea, and I've seen it now that I've seen the patterns 139 00:11:41.230 --> 00:11:43.750 happen over and over again. So I think some of these things, when 140 00:11:43.789 --> 00:11:48.860 you have mental illnesses, you can only see in hindsight after you have many 141 00:11:48.899 --> 00:11:54.860 years of age behind you. I guess that makes wisdom. I think that's 142 00:11:54.860 --> 00:11:58.019 what creates wisdom, just paying attention two things year after year after year, 143 00:11:58.259 --> 00:12:01.419 and then after a while it's like, oh, yeah, that's the thing. 144 00:12:01.970 --> 00:12:05.250 So one of the most damaging recurring patterns I see in my own life, 145 00:12:05.289 --> 00:12:11.169 and I also noticed it with other people who have mental illnesses, and 146 00:12:11.450 --> 00:12:15.879 you could relate to this too, I'm sure, is that we it never 147 00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:22.759 feels like I'm able to provide the best me to those I love the most 148 00:12:24.360 --> 00:12:28.559 at the time I'm with them. Does that make sense? So, like 149 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:31.149 sometimes I feel like, yeah, I'm the best me, right fucking now, 150 00:12:31.309 --> 00:12:35.629 this is me, like clearheaded, like, you know, full of 151 00:12:35.750 --> 00:12:41.029 hope and positivity, clear view of the future, you know, aid a 152 00:12:41.070 --> 00:12:45.220 good breakfast or whatever, took a nice long walk, all the whatever, 153 00:12:45.340 --> 00:12:48.340 whatever. However, you feel like the best you right, but invariably, 154 00:12:48.460 --> 00:12:54.259 when you have a mental illness, it seems like nobody else's ever around when 155 00:12:54.299 --> 00:12:58.090 you're when you're having the best you kind of day, and it just sucks 156 00:12:58.210 --> 00:13:03.809 because other people, and I noticed this a lot with my kids. Right. 157 00:13:03.049 --> 00:13:07.450 So, when I got divorced, now I'm broke, basically because, 158 00:13:07.450 --> 00:13:11.049 you know, you got to live on half your income and pay it back 159 00:13:11.169 --> 00:13:15.960 to the mom and because that you have nowhere to live, and that triggers 160 00:13:16.039 --> 00:13:24.399 mental illnesses, right it'll fucking new trigger your disorder hardcore and then you had 161 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:28.750 then you're in a fucked up spot, right. So then, now that 162 00:13:28.950 --> 00:13:31.429 relationship is that, oh, we got to go to dad's, but now 163 00:13:31.509 --> 00:13:37.789 they're not getting the best me to getting this deteriorated version of me that stuck 164 00:13:37.870 --> 00:13:39.549 living in a fucked up, tiny little place or something like that. You 165 00:13:39.629 --> 00:13:41.940 know, I try to make the most of it and I'm always trying to 166 00:13:43.019 --> 00:13:46.740 be positive, especially when they were young. I'm like, Oh, yeah, 167 00:13:46.740 --> 00:13:50.139 this is kind of be fun about it whatever, and I tried to 168 00:13:50.179 --> 00:13:54.059 make everything seem fun and like an adventure. But you know, they just 169 00:13:54.179 --> 00:14:00.649 don't. They don't remember things that way. They remember I don't. They 170 00:14:00.769 --> 00:14:03.649 remember things differently. Like it. And this all struck me when one of 171 00:14:03.690 --> 00:14:11.039 my kids eat he recalled the story and he said, Hey, remember when 172 00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:13.919 you almost let me drowned at that one swimming pool where you lived, at 173 00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:18.200 those apartments, and like what? I'm like, that's the time that I 174 00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:24.190 saved you from drowning. Drowning. However, you say the word and it 175 00:14:24.389 --> 00:14:28.230 just it struck me as so bizarre because I'm like what, I was the 176 00:14:28.309 --> 00:14:35.029 one who helped you. But they remember it backwards, like I don't know, 177 00:14:35.309 --> 00:14:39.259 like how does that all happen? Anyway. So each time in my 178 00:14:39.419 --> 00:14:46.740 life then I'd get kind of shut out, wholly depressed, lose a job 179 00:14:46.820 --> 00:14:50.539 or cause whatever, loseless, caught, lose a job, but normally I 180 00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:54.570 don't quit. It would be fired or some kind of weird Tangion, because 181 00:14:54.809 --> 00:14:58.889 I don't know, because I'm fucking me right. I do the best I 182 00:14:58.009 --> 00:15:03.409 can, but anyway, depression usually is one of the job killers. Overall, 183 00:15:03.409 --> 00:15:07.279 I'm not quite there to where I can qualify for any kind of disability, 184 00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:13.080 but it's enough to where my life has been a fucking hellish cycle over 185 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:20.519 and over again, like every thousand days. Cycle repeats itself. But the 186 00:15:20.679 --> 00:15:24.750 Times that I've been up, there's been nobody around, because the Times that 187 00:15:24.830 --> 00:15:28.350 they've been around I've been at my lowest. Nobody can deal with that, 188 00:15:28.669 --> 00:15:33.549 understandably. And then the pattern repeats because they they, like ever, not 189 00:15:33.669 --> 00:15:37.419 just my kids, but like everybody in my past, almost that I can 190 00:15:37.500 --> 00:15:43.139 think of right now. HMM, yeah, they, they, they've been 191 00:15:43.179 --> 00:15:48.059 worn out. I've warned them out because they were. They've had they were 192 00:15:48.100 --> 00:15:50.730 around me when I was not at my best for whatever reason. which is 193 00:15:50.809 --> 00:15:56.090 funny because when I'm at my worst and I need help, nobody's around either, 194 00:15:56.250 --> 00:16:00.009 but when I'm just barely getting by that somebody might talk to me on 195 00:16:00.090 --> 00:16:06.120 the phone or see me in person or something, and they're just not getting 196 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:10.919 my best. Like fuck. I feel like I have so many opportunities to 197 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:17.120 perform and be a fucking awesome person and I just let people down. and 198 00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:19.830 I wonder if you do you feel that way, like Geez, I'm not 199 00:16:21.029 --> 00:16:23.269 trying to be a dick or anything like that. And like, for example, 200 00:16:23.350 --> 00:16:29.149 with my boys. Recently, I've been thinking about them a lot. 201 00:16:29.190 --> 00:16:30.830 So I just miss them so and I'm just trying to figure out, like 202 00:16:32.029 --> 00:16:34.659 undoing my mind, what happened. But it's that whole thing. Like I 203 00:16:34.860 --> 00:16:40.179 was in a fucked up situation anyway. We're in like swamps of Louisiana, 204 00:16:40.740 --> 00:16:44.139 living in a house where there's gaps under the doors big enough for like little 205 00:16:44.179 --> 00:16:48.169 lizards to crawl in. The weather was horrible. The man was just tough, 206 00:16:48.330 --> 00:16:56.809 and so then they came to live with me there and there was so 207 00:16:56.889 --> 00:17:00.129 much tension to begin with that we didn't even give a get like a fair 208 00:17:00.250 --> 00:17:07.200 shake to be father and sons and I have a really strong thing about justice 209 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:11.559 and fairness, and that's one thing that really fucks with my head a lot 210 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:15.039 is that every time I get a chance to be with my sons, it's 211 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:18.029 in a really stressful situation. Oh, not only are we now in the 212 00:17:18.150 --> 00:17:22.710 swamps like covid starts. So now we're in covid and then we go to 213 00:17:23.390 --> 00:17:30.819 Oklahoma because my son's got into a fight with my roommate in Louisiana. But 214 00:17:30.500 --> 00:17:34.819 I've told everybody it before. You know I'm not going to take somebody else's 215 00:17:34.859 --> 00:17:38.740 side over my kids, so I will always take their side. And then 216 00:17:38.940 --> 00:17:42.220 we ended up in Oklahoma and then, you know, we're in fucking the 217 00:17:42.380 --> 00:17:48.809 tiny one bedroom apartment, three of US grown size men, and I'm stressed 218 00:17:48.849 --> 00:17:52.529 out. I got to find a job. Everything's fucked up. I don't 219 00:17:52.529 --> 00:17:56.450 get extended benefits, there's no extra you know, unemployment for me. There's 220 00:17:56.450 --> 00:18:00.480 no employment for me anyway. So I found a quick little job for a 221 00:18:00.599 --> 00:18:04.039 marketing company. Fine, then I found a normal job, but throughout this 222 00:18:04.200 --> 00:18:07.839 time I didn't know if I was going to find anything. We literally left 223 00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:12.309 Louisiana in a suburban me and my two sons pulling a trailer. I'm like, 224 00:18:12.470 --> 00:18:15.829 what the fuck were we going? What? How? How is this 225 00:18:15.950 --> 00:18:22.470 even going to work? Entirely stressful, and I mean I'm highly sensitive person 226 00:18:22.910 --> 00:18:27.819 anyway, and it was just really a lot to handle and I didn't handle 227 00:18:27.819 --> 00:18:32.220 it well. But I didn't try. I didn't beat anybody, I didn't 228 00:18:32.259 --> 00:18:36.059 curse anybody out, I didn't fucking throw things or break things. I'm just 229 00:18:36.140 --> 00:18:37.539 I'm not that kind of person. I have self control, come on, 230 00:18:38.299 --> 00:18:42.609 but I just you know, there's Times where I just got on my son 231 00:18:42.890 --> 00:18:48.569 because the bike store was closed or because we're looking at like a site for 232 00:18:51.529 --> 00:18:55.720 the business we wanted to start, and I got on because I didn't think 233 00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:59.319 he was up to speed with the plans that we had already made. So 234 00:18:59.400 --> 00:19:00.839 it felt like he wasn't paying attention, so I gottn't. I got on 235 00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:07.160 for that. But you know, that was enough. And we had a 236 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:11.829 blow up about who owns my my truck, which was a sore spot for 237 00:19:11.990 --> 00:19:15.390 me because my own dad tried to steal it from me and I'm just tired 238 00:19:15.430 --> 00:19:18.869 of people trying to take shit from me. It's so much, you know. 239 00:19:19.589 --> 00:19:23.700 But again, all of these things would not have happened if we were, 240 00:19:25.259 --> 00:19:27.900 if things were whole, like if our lives were whole together, like 241 00:19:27.980 --> 00:19:33.579 if things just never got fucked up, we would have a full size house 242 00:19:33.660 --> 00:19:37.339 with plenty of room for everybody. Every whoever wanted a car would have a 243 00:19:37.500 --> 00:19:41.329 car. But things are so disintegrated now and I think a lot of people 244 00:19:41.369 --> 00:19:47.490 with mental illnesses feel exactly like this, because things keep repeating in cycles and 245 00:19:47.569 --> 00:19:49.609 just when you think you have everything good together, you find like, oh, 246 00:19:49.890 --> 00:19:53.000 things are going good, of course now there's nobody here to have any 247 00:19:53.240 --> 00:19:59.720 fun with, to like, to share in the love, and then you 248 00:19:59.799 --> 00:20:03.319 get depressed after years, or or at least after months and months, but 249 00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:06.279 definitely after years, you just get to press that there's nobody to share it 250 00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:08.430 with, and then when somebody comes back into your life, you don't know 251 00:20:08.549 --> 00:20:15.789 how to express how the fucking your joy and then gets all bent out of 252 00:20:15.869 --> 00:20:18.390 shape. And then my one of my other sons came to visit us here 253 00:20:18.869 --> 00:20:22.059 and I was tired. I was like super stressed out about trying to get 254 00:20:22.059 --> 00:20:26.619 to a job and get enough sleep for that job, and they were, 255 00:20:26.859 --> 00:20:29.819 you know, stand up on night playing video games and you know, just 256 00:20:29.940 --> 00:20:32.660 woke up and I was cranky because I'm like, I need some sleep, 257 00:20:32.819 --> 00:20:36.410 but now I feel like a Dick because that was my only chance to see 258 00:20:36.410 --> 00:20:40.130 him and now I felt like he took that personally. Guys so much. 259 00:20:40.369 --> 00:20:42.529 You know what I mean, and I don't know, I just had to 260 00:20:42.609 --> 00:20:47.329 get that that part out, and so I appreciate you for listening, but 261 00:20:47.849 --> 00:20:49.279 you know, I feel it too. I mean, if you're, if 262 00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:55.200 you're suffering from some kind of mental illness, whether it's bipolar disorder or borderline 263 00:20:55.240 --> 00:21:02.000 disorder, obviously anxiety and straight disorder, straight depression, then yeah, you 264 00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:06.829 probably start to understand how the cycle will just take you out of the social 265 00:21:06.869 --> 00:21:11.349 game entirely and without any friends or even family left. The older you get, 266 00:21:11.390 --> 00:21:17.549 it really gets fucking like lonely. You know there's nobody to give you 267 00:21:17.589 --> 00:21:19.859 a hug and you know how exhausting it is to have to take care of 268 00:21:19.900 --> 00:21:26.220 yourself all day long with nobody around. I'm talking every single little thing, 269 00:21:26.819 --> 00:21:30.180 from fucking doing the laundry, putting the ice in the ice tray, to 270 00:21:32.019 --> 00:21:33.930 every little thing needs to be done, the things that you would normally as 271 00:21:34.009 --> 00:21:37.650 somebody. Hey, could you do this for me real quick? Cool could 272 00:21:37.650 --> 00:21:40.569 you do this, share be happy too. So when you got two people, 273 00:21:40.650 --> 00:21:44.369 that's like a little balance. When somebody's up, somebody's down, and 274 00:21:44.529 --> 00:21:48.720 you can, you know, share. When you buy yourself, it's either 275 00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:52.000 you do it or just does not get done, and a lot of times 276 00:21:52.200 --> 00:21:56.839 things don't get done and then you feel like a fucking slab, like a 277 00:21:56.920 --> 00:22:00.400 slacker, because it's exhausting just to keep up with the vacuum in that cleaning 278 00:22:00.470 --> 00:22:07.190 the bathtub and doing the laundry and going shopping and all that stuff. It's 279 00:22:07.230 --> 00:22:10.750 rough when you're alone. So I don't know if there's some way that I 280 00:22:10.869 --> 00:22:17.900 could collect all my good times and put them in a collection and share those 281 00:22:17.980 --> 00:22:21.700 with the people that are used to love me or that I love. However 282 00:22:21.740 --> 00:22:26.099 you want to frame that, that would be awesome. And if you hear 283 00:22:26.220 --> 00:22:30.609 this and you know me from the past, then yeah, thanks for listening, 284 00:22:30.609 --> 00:22:37.210 because I have love for you as well before I get out of here 285 00:22:37.289 --> 00:22:41.329 today. It's going kind of long time. Sorry, had to fucking breathe 286 00:22:41.369 --> 00:22:45.519 and just get it out. I was talking to g shock the other day 287 00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:56.079 and he sounded concerned that we stopped getting reviews after he started coming on. 288 00:22:56.680 --> 00:22:59.549 He didn't say it out right, but I got the sense that he thought 289 00:23:00.109 --> 00:23:03.990 it was because of him, and I don't think so. I think it 290 00:23:04.069 --> 00:23:07.910 was something else. I think it was when I tried to have a cohost. 291 00:23:08.029 --> 00:23:11.589 She fuck things up and made me stress out, and then we had 292 00:23:11.710 --> 00:23:18.740 like a slack channel that somebody else was like becky was trying to fuck around 293 00:23:18.740 --> 00:23:22.900 in there. There's two becky's and I love them both. Once a podcaster 294 00:23:23.339 --> 00:23:30.730 and one is she was like a fan of the show and she kept talking 295 00:23:30.809 --> 00:23:33.690 about like this person that wasn't in the group personally, and I'm like, 296 00:23:33.769 --> 00:23:37.650 oh, that's too much, this is not appropriate, and I asked her 297 00:23:37.690 --> 00:23:40.970 to like take a break and she did whatever, but now I feel like 298 00:23:41.009 --> 00:23:42.680 a Dick for for that, you know, I'm like, Oh, well, 299 00:23:44.039 --> 00:23:45.279 there's you just being a Dick. Should let her go. So, 300 00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:52.160 Becky, that Becky, if you're out there, I apologize. I'm not 301 00:23:52.279 --> 00:23:56.390 starting a new slack group, but yeah, I mean, I see, 302 00:23:56.789 --> 00:23:59.750 I know when I can be a Dick and a lot, a lot of 303 00:23:59.789 --> 00:24:03.509 times just like a sneeze. Is that make sense? If you have a 304 00:24:03.589 --> 00:24:08.869 mental illness, sometimes your reaction is like a sneeze to a normal person. 305 00:24:08.990 --> 00:24:14.740 Let me explain. It's that you can't control it. You know you're about 306 00:24:14.740 --> 00:24:18.500 to do it, you did it. You might have sneezed on somebody and 307 00:24:18.619 --> 00:24:22.099 you apologize and keep going. If someone throws some black powder and your nose 308 00:24:23.569 --> 00:24:27.690 and you sneeze on them, you probably gonna say, what the fuck are 309 00:24:27.690 --> 00:24:30.450 you doing? Why'd you make me sneeze like in other words, we can 310 00:24:30.609 --> 00:24:34.769 be provoked. Yes, of course. There're many people in the lives of 311 00:24:34.930 --> 00:24:41.319 people with mental illnesses who love to provoke us right and they get off on 312 00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:45.279 that. They're sick. A lot of them are basically narcissist who have not 313 00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:48.119 going gone to the hospital or seeing a shrink on any regular basis and just 314 00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:52.640 don't acknowledge the narcissist them. In fact, all of us have a little 315 00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:55.789 bit of narcissism, so it's important to like check in on that Shit and 316 00:24:55.829 --> 00:24:59.269 make sure you're not being the narcissist, which is why I put such a 317 00:24:59.269 --> 00:25:03.349 heavy emphasis on apologizing. Sometimes, you know, all the time whatever, 318 00:25:03.390 --> 00:25:07.779 when it's they're fucking apologize every episode. But I sometimes I apologize in my 319 00:25:07.859 --> 00:25:08.980 head. Now work all these things out and think, oh yeah, cool, 320 00:25:10.019 --> 00:25:12.299 it's all good, but I never actually call them or I never email 321 00:25:12.380 --> 00:25:17.339 them. We're text there and more's told anybody. A lot of times I 322 00:25:17.460 --> 00:25:22.210 do, but not every time. So if you think I'm mad at you 323 00:25:22.809 --> 00:25:26.970 or anything like that, I've forgot. Yeah, I totally forgive everybody. 324 00:25:26.049 --> 00:25:30.809 Forgive you and you and you, and if you've apologized to me for something, 325 00:25:32.049 --> 00:25:37.559 yes, I accept your apologize, your apology. Man, I'm just 326 00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:41.319 trying to keep it all together. I feel like I'm going in this transition 327 00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:44.400 of life. I need to clean up some past business so I can move 328 00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:48.799 on to the next thing. And Yeah, so, anyway, I appreciate 329 00:25:48.839 --> 00:25:53.710 you for listening and we'll talk about something, hopefully more uplifting, on the 330 00:25:55.069 --> 00:25:57.950 next episode of this show. You know, that actually doesn't have a name. 331 00:26:00.390 --> 00:26:07.779 We record at the EMO Dojo and I call this character Johnny. Emotions 332 00:26:07.779 --> 00:26:11.380 they're realized. Yeah, that doesn't actually have a name because I wiped a 333 00:26:11.460 --> 00:26:17.299 buipolar style off because I didn't want the stigma right. Anyway, if you 334 00:26:17.339 --> 00:26:21.289 good thing of a good name for the podcast, cool, Oh du got 335 00:26:21.369 --> 00:26:30.690 all distracted. So the pretter Gary thinks nobody loves him because there's no reviews 336 00:26:30.769 --> 00:26:33.799 and comments. He's all I would even take a bad review, but I'm 337 00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:37.440 like no, don't do that. I'd rather have no review than bad review. 338 00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:42.000 Fuck that, just honest review. Yeah, but please, if you're 339 00:26:42.039 --> 00:26:45.920 listening, I know it's a panda ass to leave a review, because I 340 00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:51.150 try to leave reviews and there's tons of great podcast then think, man, 341 00:26:51.230 --> 00:26:53.430 I should leave a review for this show. I love this show and I 342 00:26:53.589 --> 00:26:57.109 just don't and I keep listening and I listen to all their podcast and I'm 343 00:26:57.190 --> 00:27:00.789 like, when the fuck is your next episode coming out? And you know, 344 00:27:00.950 --> 00:27:03.900 I never returned the favorite new for I can hardly ever will do the 345 00:27:03.980 --> 00:27:07.460 review, except now. Now I'm trying to start this new thing, you 346 00:27:07.500 --> 00:27:14.019 know, trying to change my life, and I'm leaving reviews and I'm emailing 347 00:27:14.140 --> 00:27:15.730 people that are here on their podcast and thanking them and stuff like that, 348 00:27:15.849 --> 00:27:21.569 because it's important to let people know that they're heard. I think so. 349 00:27:22.450 --> 00:27:25.970 To that extent, I would like to know that this show is heard. 350 00:27:26.329 --> 00:27:30.799 So you can email me, John at Emo DOJOCOM. Pretty straightforward, John 351 00:27:30.839 --> 00:27:36.640 John, and I'm going to get off social media until the holidays. Just 352 00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:38.960 need to break from that Shit. It's too much. But you can always 353 00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:42.400 email me there or you can call the studio. Call Four hundred and five, 354 00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:47.309 four Oh three thousand and thirty three hundred and leave me a voice mail. 355 00:27:47.349 --> 00:27:51.349 I would love to hear from you that way and I promise I will 356 00:27:51.470 --> 00:27:56.910 not exploit your call. Over this podcast real quickly. Here are the other 357 00:27:56.950 --> 00:28:02.539 things I'm doing to change. I cut all sugar, snacks and drinks out 358 00:28:02.539 --> 00:28:07.700 of my diet, replace them with water and salad, and I started rowing 359 00:28:08.940 --> 00:28:14.930 every day. That's those the two of the big changes. Anyway, and 360 00:28:15.089 --> 00:28:18.289 just I'm constantly doing the research on my brain and trying to fix me, 361 00:28:18.329 --> 00:28:26.130 working on Cyposyde spit it out. Psyche. What is it? Psycho cybernetics, 362 00:28:26.049 --> 00:28:30.599 not to be confused with Dianetics, the scientology. Shit, it's not 363 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:37.920 scientology. Look up sybe man, look up how to pronounce words. Look 364 00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:42.430 up psycho cybernetics and the power of the subconscious mind. He's the kind of 365 00:28:42.470 --> 00:28:48.910 books I'm getting back into and been starting a vision board. Yes, it 366 00:28:48.029 --> 00:28:53.789 sounds Corny, it works to try. Thanks for listening to me talk. 367 00:28:55.190 --> 00:29:00.420 I'm happy to be in your head. Hit me up talking soon. Goodbye, 368 00:29:11.690 --> 00:29:12.690 and now back to the wall.