Bipolar Style | John Emotions on Being Shut Out

WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.879 --> 00:00:12.070 I'm johnny emotions. This is bipolar style. All right. Well, that 2 00:00:12.509 --> 00:00:16.710 Ben Harper Song I put on the end of that podcast yesterday. Yeah, 3 00:00:16.829 --> 00:00:20.829 that kind of got flag on facebook. So in order to keep from being 4 00:00:20.910 --> 00:00:26.019 flagged on the various platforms and just going to use original music, like the 5 00:00:26.140 --> 00:00:42.649 music my brother Ray wrote me and it sounds just like this. All right, 6 00:00:42.729 --> 00:00:46.250 keep short and sweet, but that's the tag for the show for now. 7 00:00:46.289 --> 00:00:48.689 I like it. I know it's a little up beat, kind of 8 00:00:48.729 --> 00:00:53.359 heavy for for a lot of people, but it's me kind of heavy for 9 00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:57.679 a lot of people. Anyway. I'd ask you how your day was, 10 00:00:57.799 --> 00:01:00.000 but you can't really talk back to me right now, so maybe we should 11 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.590 work on that. If you want to be on the PODCAST, I would 12 00:01:03.590 --> 00:01:07.709 love to have you as a guest. The main criteria would be knowing how 13 00:01:07.750 --> 00:01:11.590 to use skype. If you know how to use Skype, I can get 14 00:01:11.590 --> 00:01:15.829 you into the audio mix here and we can have cool conversations. You can 15 00:01:15.909 --> 00:01:21.939 share, do your whole thing, kind of use the DBSA a model of 16 00:01:22.099 --> 00:01:27.420 sharing where you know you just release, you get it all out and if 17 00:01:27.500 --> 00:01:33.170 you want feedback, you know the audience can send you feedback and warm thoughts 18 00:01:33.209 --> 00:01:37.609 or troll you? Maybe? Who knows? This is all a grand experiment, 19 00:01:38.409 --> 00:01:42.129 just trying to connect the bipolar people, all the bipolars, in one 20 00:01:42.170 --> 00:01:45.010 place. So do you guys go to groups? You go to real life 21 00:01:45.450 --> 00:01:51.040 bipolar groups. I go to one in San Francisco. It's great. I 22 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:57.120 think it saved by life a couple of times and I think that's part of 23 00:01:57.159 --> 00:02:00.159 the Tart of what I'm trying to do here is get more of you that 24 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:05.829 listen and that are on the Internet to go to real life dvsa groups and, 25 00:02:06.310 --> 00:02:09.229 you know, meet other people in real life and since we're kind of 26 00:02:09.270 --> 00:02:16.819 like Xman, superheroes with superpowers, it's way more interesting to talk to other 27 00:02:16.979 --> 00:02:22.500 bipolar folks and hear their stories in person. It's emotional. Yeah, sometimes 28 00:02:22.500 --> 00:02:27.780 it gets pretty heavy and really deep, but everything starts to resonate. So 29 00:02:27.860 --> 00:02:31.009 if you haven't been to a dbs a meeting in your town, go to 30 00:02:31.210 --> 00:02:37.689 dbs alliance DOT ORG and check it out. If you want to network with 31 00:02:37.810 --> 00:02:42.650 us, you know, it kind of more network e Internet type of way. 32 00:02:42.889 --> 00:02:49.319 Go to bipolar junglecom. Just put up a little profile there and I 33 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:54.479 police that place pretty strongly. There shouldn't be any shenanigans. I see you 34 00:02:55.240 --> 00:03:01.949 committing shenanigans. I'm a Bootcha from the group and I'm pretty Pec I'm fairly 35 00:03:02.750 --> 00:03:08.430 progressive, but I'm fair and just. But I know what to expect of 36 00:03:08.590 --> 00:03:14.939 bipolar people that are supportive of other bipolar people. And that's the whole key 37 00:03:14.979 --> 00:03:19.819 to a podcast like this is really to give a voice to bipolar folks, 38 00:03:19.860 --> 00:03:23.699 that to let the rest of the world know we're not super crazy, just 39 00:03:23.939 --> 00:03:27.969 maybe a little bit crazy, or maybe we just talked too much. Could 40 00:03:28.009 --> 00:03:30.449 be all of the above. So let me tell here's what happened today. 41 00:03:30.610 --> 00:03:36.210 I was on one of these facebook groups and someone said post the picture of 42 00:03:36.370 --> 00:03:40.090 somebody you miss and I'm like man, because I have a poster like on 43 00:03:40.210 --> 00:03:45.800 my facebook there of my kids in their mom so like cheese. But it 44 00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:51.360 just got me thinking that what happens to families when they find out a family 45 00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:55.669 member has bipolar? What goes through their head when they decide to like, 46 00:03:55.909 --> 00:04:00.150 let's just fucking kick that guy out of the family? I don't get it. 47 00:04:00.789 --> 00:04:02.949 I don't like get phone calls, they don't check in on me. 48 00:04:03.550 --> 00:04:09.750 The kids, the ex the MOM, the dad sends me like updates about 49 00:04:09.750 --> 00:04:12.939 his life, which is cool. I really appreciate that because we actually get 50 00:04:12.939 --> 00:04:16.220 along really well, but he doesn't like specifically call the check it on me. 51 00:04:16.379 --> 00:04:19.579 I think he assumes I'm fine, which for the most part I guess 52 00:04:19.699 --> 00:04:25.970 is cool, but assuming and actually checking up or two different things. Plus 53 00:04:26.089 --> 00:04:30.170 Sometimes, when my dad sends me his updates, like I have a special 54 00:04:30.209 --> 00:04:34.490 email rule and all the filters steer his email to special folder so I can 55 00:04:34.529 --> 00:04:39.480 read them. Well, apparently that folder was out of view in my browser, 56 00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:41.959 little too low. I couldn't see it, so I didn't know it's 57 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:46.319 collecting emails. And then, in classic dad mode, he starts going after 58 00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:49.279 me like, Oh, so you're not answering me back. Oh you too 59 00:04:49.319 --> 00:04:51.949 good for me to that kind of thing. I'm like a fuck, and 60 00:04:53.069 --> 00:04:56.589 then of course now I don't want to answer and back because now he's pissed 61 00:04:56.670 --> 00:05:00.990 and I haven't done anything except not see his emails. So That's dad. 62 00:05:00.069 --> 00:05:02.350 But you know, like I said, we get along really well, so 63 00:05:02.430 --> 00:05:06.699 I appreciate him, but there's not a lot of connection. He's like three 64 00:05:06.740 --> 00:05:12.220 hours away and he updates me on his life, you know, a couple 65 00:05:12.339 --> 00:05:15.899 times a month. But MOM Nope, don't hear from the kids, don't 66 00:05:15.939 --> 00:05:21.050 hear from nephews or answer uncle's or I hear from I have my friend Anica 67 00:05:21.170 --> 00:05:26.410 and Louisiana. She checks out money and but she's not my family. So 68 00:05:26.490 --> 00:05:29.970 I'm like, wow, what kind of family just turns a person out because 69 00:05:29.970 --> 00:05:32.410 they're sick? I don't get it and it's kind of like a chip on 70 00:05:32.490 --> 00:05:38.879 my shoulder. So as we go through these podcast you know that's part of 71 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:42.959 the basis of my attitude. Really it's like, what is got such an 72 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:46.040 attitude? Well, fucking Ay, that's why. Why would you feel if 73 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:49.550 you got sick and your whole family just bailed on you and turned on your, 74 00:05:49.589 --> 00:05:54.790 all your social circles against you and just made up all kinds of bullshit 75 00:05:54.870 --> 00:05:57.990 because they were covering for the fact that you're just you got a mental illness? 76 00:05:59.509 --> 00:06:02.069 Kind of goes back to that, that old thing I'm always thinking about, 77 00:06:02.069 --> 00:06:09.779 like society loves to harness the power of mania in bipolar people. Whenever 78 00:06:09.819 --> 00:06:14.740 we're on, we're super productive, funny, charming. Oh yeah, left 79 00:06:14.819 --> 00:06:16.500 the Party, Oh does all this great work, Super Smart. That of 80 00:06:16.620 --> 00:06:20.290 that right. And but then the moment you get depressed, when the moment 81 00:06:20.370 --> 00:06:25.490 you hit that other side, it's Overman, they're fucking out the door. 82 00:06:26.250 --> 00:06:30.089 Didn't even know you can't remember your name. That's pretty fucked up. So 83 00:06:30.730 --> 00:06:34.000 sorry for the salty language, but you know, fucked up thing is. 84 00:06:34.040 --> 00:06:38.920 fucked up is not only way to say it. That's a it's probably fresh 85 00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:43.600 in my mind because that my last job. I was, you know, 86 00:06:43.959 --> 00:06:47.269 doing really well On my Med's. Everything was balanced and kicking ass, and 87 00:06:47.629 --> 00:06:53.550 of course they're taking advantage of that, of that talent, and then got 88 00:06:53.670 --> 00:06:58.910 sick, got depressed, fell into a deep, deep cavern. Nobody called 89 00:06:58.990 --> 00:07:02.180 me, nobody reached out. The whole thing was like a sham because the 90 00:07:02.259 --> 00:07:08.220 company was like full of millennials and preached of humanity and connectedness and community, 91 00:07:08.779 --> 00:07:12.339 but the moment you get sick, they turn their back on you, and 92 00:07:12.459 --> 00:07:15.649 I found that to be true with most folks in life. So I'm not 93 00:07:15.730 --> 00:07:20.889 just blaming a tech company or my family, but seemed like society in general. 94 00:07:23.050 --> 00:07:27.410 So is that valid or am I just wasting time? That's the big 95 00:07:27.449 --> 00:07:30.720 question. Right. It probably is valid and it is a waste of time. 96 00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:35.480 So, you know, some days old things come up, a facebook 97 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:39.199 post you don't know what's going to hit you. But then it kind of 98 00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:45.509 just triggers all these thoughts and feelings and emotions that you just can't contain. 99 00:07:46.750 --> 00:07:49.269 Fortunately, you know you you plow along, and that's a good thing about 100 00:07:49.269 --> 00:07:51.990 having a job that you kind of know how to do in a comfortable with 101 00:07:53.470 --> 00:07:58.819 it keeps you focused and keeps you structured and thank God today, this week, 102 00:07:58.899 --> 00:08:01.420 this month, I'm functioning enough to have a job because sometimes, you 103 00:08:01.500 --> 00:08:05.660 know, I don't know what I would do without that structure. I'm pretty 104 00:08:05.699 --> 00:08:09.300 good at creating my own but man, but I'm super depressed. There's no 105 00:08:09.420 --> 00:08:13.329 structure there, just nothing's just dark. You just crawl out of bed, 106 00:08:13.569 --> 00:08:20.089 barely if you can, and get a drink of water, parched, crawl 107 00:08:20.170 --> 00:08:24.329 back in bed. It's as miserable as people think. So yeah, that's 108 00:08:24.449 --> 00:08:28.879 that. Who knows what tomorrow brings, but I wanted to bring up a 109 00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:35.879 couple of helpful people. Hold on, let me grab my so the twitter 110 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:39.679 thing is like working out pretty cool this time. I've done other podcast that 111 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:43.110 weren't as twitter friendly, I guess, and this one people are digging it, 112 00:08:45.549 --> 00:08:50.389 I guess, because maybe the focus is so tight on bipolar anyway. 113 00:08:50.629 --> 00:08:52.590 So I check the leaderboard. If you want to go check it out yourself, 114 00:08:52.950 --> 00:09:00.019 you can go to bipolar stylecom leaderboard. And I see Diane Harwood is 115 00:09:00.059 --> 00:09:03.659 sharing again. Oh and today was her first day doing a podcast, so 116 00:09:03.740 --> 00:09:05.980 it's going to be neat to hear how that went. I'm excited for her. 117 00:09:07.059 --> 00:09:11.409 Number two, I am in Radio Online. They've done a lot, 118 00:09:11.570 --> 00:09:16.970 like hmm, twenty six earned capital points word, while Studio Shimoy is still 119 00:09:18.009 --> 00:09:22.330 up top and my friend Mel from Mexico is there too. So Hey, 120 00:09:22.409 --> 00:09:26.600 malt what's going on? And then one super exciting thing. I'm such a 121 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:31.039 doric sometimes, happened right before I came on, while I was going through 122 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:37.480 my twitter feed and, like I'm always trying to share uplifting kind of entertainment 123 00:09:37.639 --> 00:09:41.110 options for people with bipolar that are relevant, and one of the things I 124 00:09:41.230 --> 00:09:46.110 shared about was Maria Bamford's show, lady dynamite, and she's also got a 125 00:09:46.629 --> 00:09:50.710 new special called big baby or adult baby or something like that. Either way, 126 00:09:50.710 --> 00:09:54.100 they're both hell of funny and I was just telling people, yeah, 127 00:09:54.100 --> 00:09:56.899 you should totally watch that because it's funny, it's and she has bipolar, 128 00:09:58.019 --> 00:10:01.539 so that's makes it extra cool and then she replied, so I'm like, 129 00:10:01.700 --> 00:10:05.059 yeah, that's awesome. Some like a super fan boy apparently, and I 130 00:10:05.100 --> 00:10:09.730 didn't even know it. So thanks, Maria Bamford, for replying humbly. 131 00:10:09.889 --> 00:10:16.649 Yours, Johnny emotions, what do you think about politics? I hate them, 132 00:10:18.210 --> 00:10:26.960 but they're everywhere. HMM, like every smart person I know is on 133 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:31.799 a very specific side of politics in America and probably a similar side of politics 134 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:37.789 in other parts of the world. And I rage in politics in my johnny 135 00:10:37.909 --> 00:10:43.909 motions account on twitter, but I'm trying to keep it off of the bipolar 136 00:10:43.950 --> 00:10:48.309 style account and it just wanted to double check. Is that like? Does 137 00:10:48.350 --> 00:10:52.419 that seem right? Should to keep politics out of the bipolar stream? Yeah, 138 00:10:52.779 --> 00:10:58.379 okay, HMM, okay, no politics for now. I'll try. 139 00:10:58.419 --> 00:11:03.019 I'll do my best. So okay, we should get out of here, 140 00:11:03.100 --> 00:11:05.009 even though we're not going to be able to play like a cool song. 141 00:11:05.210 --> 00:11:11.490 That encapsulates today's episode. You know, the episode still shouldn't go too long. 142 00:11:11.529 --> 00:11:13.289 It just really checking in with you guys, because I don't like have 143 00:11:13.409 --> 00:11:18.250 anybody to check in with them, and you're totally welcome to check in with 144 00:11:18.370 --> 00:11:22.759 me, so if you need that. The I can't hear you like, 145 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:26.279 necessarily, but let's set up a skype. Go to sign up at bipolar 146 00:11:26.360 --> 00:11:31.279 stylecom, click the check box that says I want to be on the podcast, 147 00:11:31.879 --> 00:11:35.149 and then I will hit you up directly. That'll be me calling you 148 00:11:35.950 --> 00:11:39.029 and we'll put it together have a cool conversation. So I look forward to 149 00:11:39.070 --> 00:11:43.549 that. It's about time for the alarm to ring here. Listen for that. 150 00:11:43.669 --> 00:11:46.379 It's the old time you tell a phone alarm like just pretending somebody's calling 151 00:11:46.419 --> 00:11:52.899 me, like my mom. Yep, that's it. It's as long as 152 00:11:52.899 --> 00:11:56.059 I'm going to do it. I'm going to podcast for four hours, like 153 00:11:56.139 --> 00:12:00.940 Joe Rogan. I don't understand why people would listen for four hours. We 154 00:12:01.019 --> 00:12:05.610 could pack a lot into fifteen minutes right. And I need to do this 155 00:12:05.730 --> 00:12:09.809 daily. It's kind of like a daily, you know, confessional, something 156 00:12:09.889 --> 00:12:13.250 like that. It's helpful for me. So either people like it or they 157 00:12:13.289 --> 00:12:18.480 don't like it, but I'll try to be connective to all those that are 158 00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:22.080 helping out. So again, check out the leaderboard by polar stylecom. Last 159 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:26.080 leaderboard. Sign up to the email list to get on the PODCAST. Will 160 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:35.789 have more conversations, not using HMM, like unauthorized music anymore, but we've 161 00:12:35.789 --> 00:12:39.429 got our own better music. And that's about it for today. To go 162 00:12:39.509 --> 00:12:43.909 to work for a couple days and we'll check in, say midweek. Cool, 163 00:12:43.950 --> 00:12:48.659 cool, all right. On behalf of me myself and I it's Johnny 164 00:12:48.659 --> 00:12:52.460 Emotions for bipolar style. Take care by