Bipolar Style and the Art of Emotions

WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:09.269 It's only your head and now it's online Ad Bible. This stylecom is joint 2 00:00:09.269 --> 00:00:19.670 emotions with Bible it style. Well, Hey, welcome to San Francisco. 3 00:00:23.940 --> 00:00:29.420 Just chilling in the studio. WHO's hot today? Excuse me, so the 4 00:00:29.539 --> 00:00:37.009 windows are open to the street. Noise is especially loud today. What to 5 00:00:37.090 --> 00:00:41.850 put on some jazz music to kind of cover it up? Little white noise 6 00:00:43.170 --> 00:00:53.560 in particular. We're listening to Chet Baker Nice. Yeah, so, anyway, 7 00:00:54.159 --> 00:00:58.880 you're probably coming in from one of two directions. Most likely you listen 8 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:06.709 to the bipolar style show and you are used to this intro. It's only 9 00:01:06.750 --> 00:01:14.989 your head and now it's online Ad Bible. This stylecoms johnny motions with Bible 10 00:01:15.150 --> 00:01:23.180 it style. But since these podcasts are going to be a lot more frequent 11 00:01:25.540 --> 00:01:30.620 and a lot shorter, I figared that intro was still too long and regardless, 12 00:01:30.780 --> 00:01:37.409 this is going to be a different show the bipolar style show. Excuse 13 00:01:37.489 --> 00:01:41.810 me, something in my throat. The bipolar style shows, you know, 14 00:01:41.930 --> 00:01:48.680 obviously about things pertaining to people with bipolar disorder and life as a bipolar person, 15 00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:53.000 I guess, is the best way to say it. But I get 16 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:57.200 tired of being boxed into that label bipolar. I mean I think about a 17 00:01:57.239 --> 00:02:01.909 lot of things, so I need another venue. Ideally, the podcast is 18 00:02:02.150 --> 00:02:07.069 about let's me share, like I always have a therapist, but I always 19 00:02:07.069 --> 00:02:10.430 like to get things out into the world with the hopes that somebody else might 20 00:02:10.469 --> 00:02:14.550 hear them. I don't even need it to be reflected back to me. 21 00:02:14.710 --> 00:02:17.300 I just like to know that, hey, somebody heard that. It helps 22 00:02:17.340 --> 00:02:22.259 me clear out my head and move on to other things. However, my 23 00:02:22.419 --> 00:02:29.659 life is pretty wild, pretty like a feral person, and a lot of 24 00:02:29.699 --> 00:02:32.090 the things I encounter in my daytoday life for just not appropriate for a show 25 00:02:32.689 --> 00:02:38.770 for people with bipolar disorder specifically, and in fact I might freak some of 26 00:02:38.810 --> 00:02:44.009 them out and trigger many people with mental illnesses. But I do encounter and 27 00:02:44.250 --> 00:02:52.039 use my emotions every day. So I'm going to have a separate podcast called 28 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:54.960 the art of emotions. Makes Sense. You know my little stage name, 29 00:02:55.199 --> 00:03:00.629 John Emotions. Art of emotions. You get it, all right, you're 30 00:03:00.710 --> 00:03:05.430 so smart. So that's the deal. This particular episode also kind of marks 31 00:03:05.469 --> 00:03:08.550 the first of the next set of ten episodes for bipolar style, so I'm 32 00:03:08.590 --> 00:03:13.259 just going to go insert it there so it shows up on your downloads that's 33 00:03:13.259 --> 00:03:19.180 why it lit up and you downloaded the subscription. But also this shows up 34 00:03:19.340 --> 00:03:25.539 now as the first art of emotions episode over at John emotionscom cool, and 35 00:03:25.860 --> 00:03:32.409 it's also on like podcasts. I'm dirt. It's also an itunes and spotify 36 00:03:32.569 --> 00:03:36.849 in those places too, so you can look up the art of emotions if 37 00:03:36.849 --> 00:03:39.650 you want to hear me rant on the regular basis or stay tuned to the 38 00:03:39.689 --> 00:03:46.680 bipolar style once a month for bipolar related podcasts. Got It cool so well. 39 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:52.520 And that second one here, that second little intro. This is the 40 00:03:52.759 --> 00:03:59.310 art of emotions for the art of emotions, as much shorter, as you 41 00:03:59.389 --> 00:04:03.750 can tell, because the episodes a shorter. But I must say I'm still 42 00:04:03.870 --> 00:04:11.180 hooked on my original Intro, so please indulge me. Let me play it 43 00:04:11.300 --> 00:04:14.939 here real quick. This is the intro I wanted, but it's like fifty 44 00:04:15.020 --> 00:04:16.620 five seconds long and there's no fucking way I'm going to have a fifty five 45 00:04:16.699 --> 00:04:21.100 second intro in a show that's like fifteen minutes. It doesn't make any sense. 46 00:04:21.379 --> 00:04:25.730 But Anyway, here was the one. I'll use this once a season, 47 00:04:25.850 --> 00:04:30.129 and so to start season three four bipolar style, here's that intro one 48 00:04:30.209 --> 00:04:46.199 more time. You don't understand. I could class, I could have been 49 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:50.360 a contemner, I could have been somebody. Dude, if it's going to 50 00:04:50.439 --> 00:05:02.790 be that kind of part I won't think my thinking about John Tuda. Isn't 51 00:05:02.790 --> 00:05:05.589 that awesome? Love that. But, like I said, it's too long. 52 00:05:06.110 --> 00:05:11.660 So you'll hear the short little rift between my frequent podcast to help. 53 00:05:12.060 --> 00:05:14.980 So one of the reasons of the second reason, I guess, from doing 54 00:05:15.060 --> 00:05:19.540 podcast, aside from getting things off my chest, is that helps me practice 55 00:05:19.939 --> 00:05:28.490 to speak, to pause appropriately, not say Um, d whatever, Um, 56 00:05:29.170 --> 00:05:31.370 there I said. Hum. I could go to toast masters, I 57 00:05:31.410 --> 00:05:34.689 would like to, but I have anxiety issues and it's hard to commit to 58 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:39.959 things like that. So I do the podcast and I try to practice speaking 59 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:45.920 this way. HMM, fun. You know, it's a hobby. So 60 00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:50.829 here's what happened last week. I'll catch you up to just generically. I'm 61 00:05:50.990 --> 00:06:00.269 the Director of a nonprofit and we house people that are formerly homeless or poor, 62 00:06:00.509 --> 00:06:06.420 Vietnam vets and just those kind of folks. So every once in a 63 00:06:06.459 --> 00:06:11.819 while, as you may have heard on the last podcast, people die in 64 00:06:11.899 --> 00:06:15.699 the building, and that particular death I saw last week was gruesome. On 65 00:06:15.860 --> 00:06:20.370 top of it being a suicide. So the whole thing's left me like, 66 00:06:20.810 --> 00:06:26.129 MMM, is shocked an emotion? HMM, I'm trying to figure out the 67 00:06:26.170 --> 00:06:30.449 art of which emotions happened last week. So definitely shocked when I saw the 68 00:06:30.529 --> 00:06:36.959 gory detail of this particular occurrence, and I also connected it with, MMM, 69 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:44.160 mortality in general, because Saturday was my birthday and that always winds me 70 00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:49.949 up anyway, because when you have birthdays and you have particularly borderline personality disorder, 71 00:06:50.350 --> 00:06:55.430 okay, okay, all right, when you have borderline you tend to 72 00:06:55.470 --> 00:07:00.670 think everybody hate you and you do irrational things like wait all day for people 73 00:07:00.670 --> 00:07:02.699 to call you and take you out to dinner and things and nobody ever does, 74 00:07:02.819 --> 00:07:06.819 and then it feeds your kind of psychosis that's like, oh, everybody 75 00:07:06.860 --> 00:07:11.740 hates me, so my birthday kind of sucked on top of that. But 76 00:07:11.939 --> 00:07:15.889 you know, when you connect it with the mortality and the shock of seeing 77 00:07:15.050 --> 00:07:18.730 a dude with his face eating off, that's nuts, man. That just 78 00:07:18.850 --> 00:07:21.769 really threw me for loop last week. So I go through the shock of 79 00:07:21.889 --> 00:07:27.850 that then on Saturday day I play the pity party after nobody calls. I 80 00:07:27.930 --> 00:07:31.399 mean, what did he B I call? HMM, Oh, my friend 81 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:35.560 from Louisiana Onnaka called and she left me a message and she's sweet, but 82 00:07:35.759 --> 00:07:40.439 let mean, she's two thousand miles away, seems like probably whatever, however 83 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:46.829 far that is. But nobody around, like my immediate family, none of 84 00:07:46.910 --> 00:07:48.949 them. They're all within driving distance of where I am right now. I 85 00:07:49.069 --> 00:07:54.509 didn't hear from them. Nobody called. The boy sent a card, no 86 00:07:54.670 --> 00:07:58.269 birthday cake, not of that. Nothing. I'm like, what are they 87 00:07:58.350 --> 00:08:01.259 conspiring? Of course not. That's kind of paranoid. But what I do 88 00:08:01.379 --> 00:08:07.019 think happen, and I think sucks almost as bad, is that everyone assumed 89 00:08:07.100 --> 00:08:11.459 that either I was okay without one or that somebody else was going to take 90 00:08:11.500 --> 00:08:13.889 care of it. So, like, if I get somebody else to take 91 00:08:13.889 --> 00:08:18.009 care of it, really like you're so busy, maybe that you guys, 92 00:08:18.089 --> 00:08:22.250 if you have of a person in your family that's sick, maybe have a 93 00:08:22.290 --> 00:08:26.009 plan for checking up on them now and then, whether it's for a birthday 94 00:08:26.050 --> 00:08:30.560 or holiday or just traditionally or hey, maybe on a regular basis so they 95 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:33.919 don't end up dead like the guy I found in room three hundred and three 96 00:08:33.960 --> 00:08:37.320 the other week. You know, come up with the plan. So when 97 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:39.720 nobody checked on that dude for a couple days. He ended up dead in 98 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:43.990 a box. Like these little rooms are small, they're like a little box. 99 00:08:43.590 --> 00:08:48.149 People live in them, and that dude just died in his with his 100 00:08:48.269 --> 00:08:52.350 puppy in there and the puppy licked his face and tell he decided to eat 101 00:08:52.389 --> 00:08:56.620 it that. It's disgusting. Right, of course it's disgusting, but the 102 00:08:56.779 --> 00:09:01.940 fact is we could all end up that way and I sometimes I just think 103 00:09:01.980 --> 00:09:05.419 that this is the starting of that, like people not acknowledging my birthday. 104 00:09:05.539 --> 00:09:09.289 Is the start of that whole thing, like that chapter of my life. 105 00:09:11.409 --> 00:09:18.490 HMM. Yeah. So the next day, Sunday, just one out one 106 00:09:18.610 --> 00:09:22.649 on a cruise out on the bay, San Francisco Bay. It was beautiful. 107 00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:28.840 It's pretty cold, but the clouds had blown away for the most part, 108 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:31.159 puffy white clouds. A few of them existed on a you know, 109 00:09:31.399 --> 00:09:35.759 bright blue sky. The water was a kind of shoppy, but you know, 110 00:09:35.799 --> 00:09:39.590 the ferryboat went out underneath the Golden Gate, took some nice pictures, 111 00:09:41.029 --> 00:09:46.710 got my nature on, filled the eons the islands from the ocean, change 112 00:09:46.789 --> 00:09:50.990 my body, change my mindset, and then we got back and did this 113 00:09:52.070 --> 00:09:54.100 other fun thing well, we me and whoever else. I went alone, 114 00:09:54.179 --> 00:09:58.259 but the other people on the boat with me. We rode this thing called 115 00:09:58.340 --> 00:10:01.580 the rocket boat. Oh my God, you guys got to ride this thing. 116 00:10:01.620 --> 00:10:05.740 If you ever see a rocket boat, they probably have them in large 117 00:10:05.779 --> 00:10:09.730 rivers and Atlantic city or wherever. You know. This this fucking boat that 118 00:10:09.850 --> 00:10:15.210 holds about fifty people up in front, but the thing is powered with like 119 00:10:15.210 --> 00:10:20.759 one six hundred horsepower turbojet engines underneath and the guy drives it like if you 120 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:24.919 ever seen those jet ski guys just get Pretty Narly on the jet skis and 121 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:28.320 spend three S and dip down the water a little bit and kind of pop 122 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:31.159 back up a little bit. This dude was driving a boat with fifty of 123 00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:37.230 us around the bay like that, blasting like rush and guns and roses and 124 00:10:37.309 --> 00:10:41.149 Bon Jovi. I was pretty amazing. So that kind of blasted out my 125 00:10:41.230 --> 00:10:46.669 whole bad mood from Saturday. Still don't know what happened to the MOM. 126 00:10:46.629 --> 00:10:50.460 sent an email. I'll throw if she's okay and her back from her I 127 00:10:50.500 --> 00:10:54.139 don't know what what a deal is what happened. I hope she is okay. 128 00:11:00.419 --> 00:11:05.850 The reason I went out Sunday was because Saturday night. Saturday night, 129 00:11:05.610 --> 00:11:11.610 on Saturday night I got I was just depressed looking for something motivational to watch 130 00:11:11.649 --> 00:11:16.049 on TV and I ended up watching the secret. Do you know the secret? 131 00:11:16.090 --> 00:11:20.919 It's basically a rehash of the law of attraction from the early part of 132 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:26.000 the nineteen hundreds and I think it's part of the what's called the news. 133 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:31.159 The new thought is just a thought paradigm hundred, hundred, fifty years ago, 134 00:11:33.269 --> 00:11:37.830 where people started thinking about thinking and the power of visualization and you are 135 00:11:37.990 --> 00:11:39.470 what you be, you are what you think you are, and that sort 136 00:11:39.509 --> 00:11:43.429 of thing. Anyway, saw the secret and it reminded me all about that 137 00:11:43.549 --> 00:11:48.779 stuff, like visualization, and how important it is for me to keep my 138 00:11:48.899 --> 00:11:52.419 emotions, if my thoughts, in the positive. So that's why I decided 139 00:11:52.419 --> 00:11:56.820 to say fuck it, I'm going to go out on the bay and shake 140 00:11:56.899 --> 00:12:00.179 the cobwebs out of my head and take on a new attitude. So that 141 00:12:00.460 --> 00:12:05.289 seemed to work pretty well. And then all this week, since we've got 142 00:12:05.370 --> 00:12:13.370 most of the the broken things fixed at the at the new job, things 143 00:12:13.450 --> 00:12:18.879 have been going smoothly and yeah, thinks things are generally getting better. So 144 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:24.879 I don't know, aside from the dude dying and then nobody showed up for 145 00:12:24.000 --> 00:12:31.230 my birthday. Going out on the water that rocketboat really change things and it 146 00:12:31.350 --> 00:12:33.710 started smiling. I figure I'll just smile, I'll be the happy guy this 147 00:12:33.909 --> 00:12:37.629 week, because people around you don't know me as the unhappy guy. So 148 00:12:37.669 --> 00:12:41.990 it wasn't that big of a change, but I was intentionally smiling bigger and 149 00:12:43.509 --> 00:12:48.580 encouraging people and not letting any shitty attitudes get to me, and it worked. 150 00:12:48.620 --> 00:12:50.539 Man, at the people start smiling. It was a good day. 151 00:12:50.539 --> 00:12:58.379 Yeah, it's all right, cool, I appreciate you listening. Thanks for 152 00:12:58.379 --> 00:13:07.049 letting me get that off my chests and we'll chat some more tomorrow. Styles 153 00:13:07.649 --> 00:13:13.679 on my cheese and fly following on twitter. Joys, excuse me,