Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Obsessing Over Our Romantic and Sexual Interests

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:04.599 Oh Hey, it's johnny emotions, the MOFO with the most Mojo at the 2 00:00:04.599 --> 00:00:08.800 emo Doo Joe. You know that one. ME. Hi, thanks for 3 00:00:08.839 --> 00:00:12.880 showing up a little much. Okay, I'll turn it down a little bit. 4 00:00:12.919 --> 00:00:15.759 What you've been up to? It's good to have you back. Thanks 5 00:00:15.759 --> 00:00:20.359 for being here. I was going over some questions for a podcast called the 6 00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:25.440 friend zone Docu series, and while I was going over these with my buddy 7 00:00:25.480 --> 00:00:30.600 Gary, another Mofo here at the Dojo, we kind of got sidetracked on 8 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:36.640 one of them about obsessing, like obsessing over a lover or someone that is 9 00:00:36.679 --> 00:00:41.920 no longer with you, that kind of thing. So it became a whole 10 00:00:41.960 --> 00:00:46.399 conversation a bit Raunchy in places. I hope you don't think less of me 11 00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:50.840 after the conversation, but you know, it's inside the mind of a person 12 00:00:50.920 --> 00:00:57.759 with bipolar disorder and Adhd. Gary also has adhd, among other things, 13 00:00:57.799 --> 00:01:02.439 I'm sure, but anyway, it's just a frank discussion of what you know. 14 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:06.920 It's kind of the loneliness that kind of precedes and obsession with anything, 15 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:10.840 and it's almost like a person that hasn't had water for a long time just 16 00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:12.920 craves water. Like I just want water. In the same way with the 17 00:01:12.920 --> 00:01:17.159 person that hasn't had love in a long time, you just start to obsess 18 00:01:17.239 --> 00:01:21.560 over it when you almost have it. Like imagine a person starving or, 19 00:01:21.599 --> 00:01:25.959 you know, thirsty in the desert and they see him rage and they think 20 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:29.400 that that's water and that's just obsessing on getting to it. And I think 21 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:33.519 it's kind of the same way with the romantic interests in some cases, if 22 00:01:33.519 --> 00:01:37.840 you develop that obsession where it's you see it, you think it's going to 23 00:01:37.879 --> 00:01:42.920 satisfy your craving, but you can't quite quite access that for some reason. 24 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:47.959 So anyway, take a listen and, you know, Judge for yourself. 25 00:01:48.120 --> 00:01:52.840 Otherwise, I hoped you like last week's episode with Cris be on the web. 26 00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:57.000 He interviewed me this past weekend to be on his podcast. So once 27 00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:01.359 he gets that edited and shared out to the social media, will be sure 28 00:02:01.480 --> 00:02:05.200 and share that on my social media. You can find all of that, 29 00:02:05.280 --> 00:02:12.039 of course, at John emotionscom or emodojocom cool. Cool. Let's get into 30 00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:17.520 that interview and please remember to follow and review this show on apple podcast. 31 00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:34.360 All right, cool. To your earlier point, though, so I've I 32 00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:38.120 kind of related to what you were saying when you said it's like you don't 33 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:42.319 have it enough, so you want it more. I always sense that like 34 00:02:42.360 --> 00:02:47.080 a empty bucket or a dry sponge in myself, in my kind of perspective, 35 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:51.439 like her, I'm just like if I I'm a dry sponge at that's 36 00:02:51.479 --> 00:02:54.159 slidest bit of water, I'll just soak it right up. You got any 37 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:57.400 more water? Because I'm a sponge, I'M gonna soak up water. I'm 38 00:02:57.479 --> 00:03:00.039 dry and then the more I sit without water and now I'm drying up again. 39 00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:01.639 So if you give me a little more, I'm going to soak it 40 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:06.599 up. So that kind of feels like obsession in a sense, like if 41 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:09.759 I'm getting some love from someone, I can't get enough of it and that 42 00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:17.800 might feel like obsession from their side. I can relate to that, especially 43 00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:23.599 when you don't have it all the time. I guess if you have a 44 00:03:23.719 --> 00:03:30.080 steady where you know she's living with you, living within your bedroom or living, 45 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:34.199 yeah, empathy, in your building and you're seeing her every day, 46 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:39.840 I think there becomes a thing of my need some space to appreciate you insteady 47 00:03:39.879 --> 00:03:44.400 you being on me all the right right I can't obsess over you when you're 48 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:49.479 right fucking here, right, and now that you're not in front of me 49 00:03:49.879 --> 00:03:53.919 now and you're not, you're not giving okay, you're not giving me the 50 00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:00.800 attention that I want. So I'm not going to be pushy about it. 51 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:04.240 You know what I mean? It's like, I guess I didn't attract that's 52 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:09.400 that's hold lot, let me, let me think this. You didn't give 53 00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:12.479 me the attention I wanted. So now I'm going to be. Oh, 54 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:15.520 now I'm gonna, like be more assertive to try to get the attention. 55 00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:21.120 No, what is be pushy because I wanted me. No, I'm saying 56 00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:28.680 I don't do the assertive. I find that if I'm pushing to get you 57 00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:33.000 to like me and instead of just this casual hanging out, like me, 58 00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:36.519 yeah, take it to the next level, right. Yeah, well, 59 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:48.399 Shit, I don't know. I mean this, this this, this topic 60 00:04:48.600 --> 00:04:56.079 is has always been. Have you always have obsessed over like a special interest, 61 00:04:56.199 --> 00:05:00.600 let's call them? What's the earliest you recall? Because I remember when 62 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:04.480 I was thinking about this earlier today, I was thinking, like, man, 63 00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:09.879 when I was it must have been fourth grade, I was a kid, 64 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:13.879 I was in like a symphonic band, so I was all as kids 65 00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:17.199 who carried around drumsticks in my back pocket. Thought it was cool and it 66 00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:21.639 was a really cute girl I liked in school and she lived in my neighborhood, 67 00:05:21.720 --> 00:05:27.720 somewhere well within walking distance. So one day I wrote on the Drumstick 68 00:05:28.279 --> 00:05:30.360 I love you, Paula, and I put hot ice. That was the 69 00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:34.519 name of band and fourth grade. So fucking went and doorbale ditch to her 70 00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:39.439 house and put the drum stick on her front port, nice and been. 71 00:05:39.720 --> 00:05:42.639 Well, I kind of romantic. I thought it was a fourth grade. 72 00:05:42.680 --> 00:05:45.920 I'm like, yeah, well now man, the next fourth wave away. 73 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:51.279 Fourth Grade, dude, yeah, Damn. So I was the fuck, 74 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:56.399 did you know what your Dick was for that early? Did this happened? 75 00:05:56.439 --> 00:05:59.639 Didn't really know, is my I wasn't interested in fucking. I was just 76 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:02.639 like I had a crush on her. No, when you started to like 77 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:09.759 girls instead of just either they were Ikey or you just wanted to keep them 78 00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:13.680 as just friends, and you didn't. You didn't feel that that heart thing. 79 00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:16.360 And I guess I'm just speaking out of turn and saying yeah, it 80 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:20.680 took me a while to to find that. I think I was obsessed because 81 00:06:20.800 --> 00:06:25.600 at the time. There's a weird side note. At the time my mom 82 00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:30.759 had a bunch of medical books because she was going to nursing school. So 83 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:34.560 I would read up on the vagina and the Volva and the clitterist that, 84 00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:39.079 all these things when I was little, so not worth grade. Yeah, 85 00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:41.759 well, I mean that's when I was reading and there's books around, so 86 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:46.199 I would read whatever was around, Damn, and I was obsessed in like 87 00:06:46.040 --> 00:06:48.680 I gotta see this shit, I got to find out what this is, 88 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:51.879 because it's not like my stuff. Because when I looked at the medical books 89 00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:55.319 and I saw penis and testicles, I'm like, Oh yeah, okay, 90 00:06:55.399 --> 00:06:58.279 that matches. I'm Mike, but I'm fascinated with what I don't have. 91 00:06:59.319 --> 00:07:03.120 And that was that was the journey for me. I I guess I became 92 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:08.120 Horny as soon as my hormones would let me be Horny, which is probably 93 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:11.279 around age eleven, so that was more like six. Yeah, right when 94 00:07:11.279 --> 00:07:14.720 I was starting to get a boner or whatever. Yeah, that was when 95 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:17.439 I started doing my mystigating, but I think I got bonus in fourth grade. 96 00:07:17.480 --> 00:07:21.439 It was more like because my corduroy pants were rubbing against my Dick on 97 00:07:21.560 --> 00:07:25.959 those school bus or something. I wasn't a controllable boner. It was just 98 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:29.319 like hide a boner with your books kind of boner. Well, I'd say 99 00:07:29.399 --> 00:07:33.399 in this six it's great. Yeah, I remember one day my parents went 100 00:07:33.480 --> 00:07:38.839 away for a day and then I went exploring in their bedroom because I knew 101 00:07:38.920 --> 00:07:43.160 they had shit there that was just going to be interesting to me. Would 102 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:46.519 this wasn't like a Christmas time. Is just a regular not Christmas time, 103 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:48.720 not right now. Okay, so you weren't looking for presents. You're just 104 00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:51.120 like, Huh, mom and dad are gone, what's in that room? 105 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:56.519 Explore, explore. Now. I'm both both lane and I did that shit 106 00:07:56.680 --> 00:08:00.199 constantly. What did you find him there in this particular I'm getting to that. 107 00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:03.160 Let's find out. I'm curious now and I stumbled across again. This 108 00:08:03.319 --> 00:08:09.000 is sixth grade, not the fourth grade. One hundred one sexual positions. 109 00:08:09.319 --> 00:08:13.519 Oh Yeah, yeah, I remember that Shit in the illustrated one. Or 110 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:18.839 is it photographs? I'll just photographs with little captions underneath and some Hippie Shit 111 00:08:18.959 --> 00:08:24.800 right, some black hotly photos. That totally fucking Hiphi, fucking totally. 112 00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:28.399 I remember that book. I was a kiddally dude totally. So I looked 113 00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:33.480 at that book and I was trying to remember the time when I got really 114 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:37.039 aroused looking at it, and I think it had a lot to do with 115 00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:41.120 just looking at the female frame. Oh, of course, dude, like 116 00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:46.840 the sears catalogs, all the old like male catalogs and my mom's Mademoiselle and 117 00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:50.600 COSMO magazines. I was like, Oh, I think I could see vagina 118 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:56.159 on the Biki outline. Be One of the rare boys in those days that 119 00:08:56.279 --> 00:09:01.399 did not get any type of sexual gratification Shan out of those callous but I 120 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:05.879 understand it now, after looking at it again and going, Oh shit, 121 00:09:05.080 --> 00:09:09.039 yeah, you're right. Well, it was because I had looked at the 122 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.200 fucking medical journals and all the medical text books, so I knew what I 123 00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:18.279 was looking for and therefore, when I saw lady kitted yourself early, Dude, 124 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:20.679 when I will just board, or curious, let's call it so. 125 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:24.320 But yeah, when I see an outline of a vagina and a CLITTERSS, 126 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:28.360 I'm like, because I'm reading the medical books, I'm already I'm known. 127 00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:31.759 I'm looking for my cool I can kind of see her Volva and like, 128 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:35.879 if I look close I might be here, her Labia Minora. Oh look 129 00:09:35.960 --> 00:09:39.399 this little bump. I bet that's a clitteris right there. So I was 130 00:09:39.480 --> 00:09:43.440 just a little kid like trying to investigate in the back of these catalogs and 131 00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:46.240 just looking through the fabric. And the titties were easy because I hope there's 132 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:50.120 air nipple right there. Yep, titties are simple, but and well, 133 00:09:50.360 --> 00:09:58.679 I'd say, for having an openly sexual material household, I was able to 134 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:05.159 have playboy early. My parents never really cared about me seeing sex. Dude. 135 00:10:05.200 --> 00:10:09.200 That's the opposite here. Yeah, see, my dad, cop, 136 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:16.360 mom, nurse whatever, and she didn't know. I think it is, 137 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:18.519 Dude. They didn't give me the birds in the best talk. They just 138 00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:26.360 like my neither mine, just my dad had playboy. He brought home penhouse 139 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:28.320 every once in a while and I remember, as a teenager, I'm like 140 00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:31.360 that can I, can I look at that, and he's like yeah, 141 00:10:31.399 --> 00:10:33.559 go ahead. Yeah, no, my mom would not allow that shit in 142 00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:39.279 the house with when my wouldn't let my dad have it. Really and yeah, 143 00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:41.679 because she was square. She was like a church person back then, 144 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:46.080 and so though. So I yeah, it was funny. She didn't realize 145 00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:50.120 what a little pervert. I was from her medical books and her COSMO Inter 146 00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:52.360 Vogue magazines. I'd put two and two together. I did not need porn. 147 00:10:52.399 --> 00:10:54.679 I'm like Ope, I figured it out, I got it. So, 148 00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:58.320 yeah, I don't know. Keeping US away from porn did me. 149 00:10:58.399 --> 00:11:01.279 I think there is an old shack in that utility yard somewhere halfway between my 150 00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:05.159 house and your house. When we were kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 151 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:07.080 had a tree house up there and there is pouring up in there. 152 00:11:07.159 --> 00:11:09.600 So yeah, we just you know, we'd go play. Come back, 153 00:11:09.799 --> 00:11:13.320 dude, come back before dark and we're like yeah, fine, we're up 154 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:20.399 here looking at whank magazine's mom. I'd say one of my first taste of 155 00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:26.120 hardcore pornography was one of those super eight millimeter films, like a snuff film, 156 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:31.000 but with people don't get killed. That correct right. Let's just say 157 00:11:31.159 --> 00:11:39.799 that we had the film, projector and screen. Yeah, the neighbor had 158 00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:46.240 the film. So have a fucking TOTTP party, Dude. We we set 159 00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:50.399 it up where his parents were gone during the day, and this is in 160 00:11:50.519 --> 00:11:56.679 the summertime, and my brother and I brought over the screen in the projector 161 00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:01.080 and we learned how to put that fuck and filmed through the projector and all 162 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:05.000 that kind of Shit. Dude, is one of those Swedish erotica ones. 163 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:11.519 Kids, you not this chicks pussy was blue. What? And I why? 164 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:15.879 Well, I guarantee it has a lot to do with the the color 165 00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:18.279 of the film. Er. Okay, okay, yeah, it's the quality, 166 00:12:18.600 --> 00:12:24.240 okay, yeah, but anyways, that was my first taste of motion 167 00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:31.120 picture pornography and that was yeah, that was that was a summer of eighty 168 00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:33.360 one, I think. I don't know what it would have done if I 169 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:35.559 would have found the Pussy and discovered it was blue, because I wouldn't think 170 00:12:35.559 --> 00:12:39.720 I would have been expecting that. Let's just say this, Dude, when 171 00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:43.480 we're watching it. I remember when they showed the close up over pussy, 172 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:48.879 all of us like now, what the Hell's that? How supposed to be 173 00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:52.600 blue? How old we? We know it's supposed to be pink and red 174 00:12:52.759 --> 00:12:58.519 and beautiful. But no, it was not. Damn, just damn. 175 00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:05.559 And so then my second for a into this was again being a curious teenager, 176 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:11.960 we drove over to the closest church that had one of those newspaper bins. 177 00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:15.759 Yeah, and it was open. So yeah, fucking climbed in there, 178 00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:18.039 dude, they at the amount of things you could find. It newspaper 179 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:22.000 Bein just blew my fucking mind. Yeah, so, Dude, all of 180 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:28.799 a sudden we're just like Hustler Cherry. We what, what the fuck is 181 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:33.120 this? Pop and open the pages. Oh Damn, and we're just stuff 182 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:37.879 in the backpacks. Dude, that is like striking gold when you're like a 183 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:41.559 pretty pubisant boy. Right, it's like, Oh my God, because it 184 00:13:41.720 --> 00:13:46.720 wasn't just naked people, it was people fucking. It's like that's what I 185 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:50.240 thought they did. Uh, Huh, I was onto you and Huh. 186 00:13:50.360 --> 00:13:52.559 That's how I know. That's what the book showed and did. The fun 187 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:58.519 part was coming back in the House with that heavy ass backpack, right, 188 00:13:58.600 --> 00:14:03.000 and going upstairs and my parents are just I yeah, I have a good 189 00:14:03.080 --> 00:14:05.840 day. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Blow, go into the fucking 190 00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:11.000 bedroom, unloaded that and just shoved it under the bed, Yep, just 191 00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:13.080 because I know they're not going to look there right now, so I'm just 192 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:20.320 time for them to like and be cut it, Dude. And because it 193 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:22.320 was, you know, that time, that dinner time, we were home 194 00:14:22.440 --> 00:14:28.279 before sundown, whatever. Yeah, as soon as I got out of my 195 00:14:28.440 --> 00:14:33.360 room and close the door. I was just like, tonight's gonna be the 196 00:14:33.559 --> 00:14:39.399 night planting on a date with yourself. Tonight's gonna be the night of first 197 00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:43.480 I'm going to go shit out next level, whatever that is. I'm going 198 00:14:43.559 --> 00:14:50.960 to shave and Lotion Up, put on a nice outfit. Tonight, you're 199 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:56.679 myself out for some food, Nice, Nice. We are so getting off 200 00:14:56.720 --> 00:14:58.720 the beat. Well, not really, because we're kind of explaining, like 201 00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:03.039 I think I am, my obsession with any relationship with the woman is to 202 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:07.000 get in the pussy again. Honestly, it just yeah, I love sex. 203 00:15:07.080 --> 00:15:11.360 Of always love sex, not like a sex fiend like you hear these 204 00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:15.519 people say. I have them a sex addict and they because, I'm guessing, 205 00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:20.679 they do shit that's damaging to their life by pursuing sex, where I 206 00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:24.279 don't do that, but I do love it when I have it, and 207 00:15:24.440 --> 00:15:28.679 they're definitely sacrifices all make to keep it in a relationship. But to your 208 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:33.320 earlier point, man, if the person you used to obsess over is with 209 00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:37.080 you every day and you see them at their best and the worst, you 210 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:41.960 probably are going to stop obsessing over them, which is kind of a weird 211 00:15:41.320 --> 00:15:45.240 sad truth. She's with you, or is the truth at all? How 212 00:15:45.279 --> 00:15:48.799 do you like continually be obsessed with somebody? and Are we miss using the 213 00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:54.000 term obsessed, like is that? Is it obsessed too strong of a term? 214 00:15:54.759 --> 00:16:00.600 I still subscribe to the fact of not having someone else to distract me 215 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:07.080 and not having enough of like, yeah, I'm fucking friends with this girl, 216 00:16:07.720 --> 00:16:11.000 or I'm okay this girl, or you're talking about girl, and I 217 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:15.440 think you're talking about the numbers thing I was talking about earlier. Well, 218 00:16:15.480 --> 00:16:18.840 it sounds like you're talking about meaning how do you not obsess over your past, 219 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:25.879 most recent whatever, like I don't even know, obsession, like how 220 00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:29.159 do you get over your past obsession? And I think to your point is 221 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:32.679 you need a new obsession. Yeah, well, not a new obsession, 222 00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:37.519 but you need a new girl to get rid of that obsession. Is what 223 00:16:37.639 --> 00:16:41.200 I'm saying right, right, she won't necessarily become a new obsession, but 224 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:45.840 it will least be enough so you stop obsessing over the first right. Yeah, 225 00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:52.000 that makes and and and to expand on this obsession thing, I'm still 226 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:57.919 baffled of why I'm thinking about this. Yeah, that's where I'm thinking. 227 00:16:59.000 --> 00:17:02.360 How do we get stuck being obsessed. I think it is because I like 228 00:17:02.519 --> 00:17:06.359 sex a lot. Do you think that's why? Or do you like companionship? 229 00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:10.279 Are you missing something from your life that makes you prone to be obsessed 230 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:19.160 with like with women? You like? Great question, I I think. 231 00:17:19.480 --> 00:17:29.680 Because, okay, the the whole covid lockdown thing did a number on a 232 00:17:29.799 --> 00:17:36.759 lot of US mentally. The thing it did for me mentally was I wasn't 233 00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:48.319 around people. So I I equate this to not really being around people for 234 00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:52.359 a long time and it's like, Oh wow, here's a friendly person. 235 00:17:53.400 --> 00:18:03.319 It's nice to have that positive vibe, right. Yep, so I I 236 00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:08.640 think because I it's weird. I do have a good amount of friends that 237 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:14.839 I do confide and talk to. Johnny's one of them. I got a 238 00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:18.839 few around here as well. So it's not like I'm quote unquote like I 239 00:18:18.960 --> 00:18:25.799 don't talk to people. It's just that my my loaner dom, meaning I've 240 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:30.240 kind of been a loner for a long time, of being able to be 241 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:37.200 comfortable by myself for long periods of time. How's that pertain to you being 242 00:18:37.240 --> 00:18:41.119 obsessive then over a chick you met at a thing? So well, I 243 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:45.480 think what it boils down to is having that that loner side for a long 244 00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:52.039 time and then having someone come in that's, you know, being quote unquote, 245 00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:56.000 the Sh of shiny ball to play with. I guess you could say 246 00:18:56.319 --> 00:19:00.960 no, I get it in a weird way. Okay, so there's a 247 00:19:00.039 --> 00:19:04.240 new stray cat in town, right in my backyard, and like the way 248 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:08.000 you phrase that. There's a new stray cat and this guy comes around now, 249 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:12.240 right, and I forgot, I have like most of them are standoff 250 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:15.319 as. They just take the food and they like, Hey, get the 251 00:19:15.359 --> 00:19:18.720 fuck out, like fuck you too. Fine, I don't want to put 252 00:19:18.759 --> 00:19:22.759 you anyway. Well, the new stray cats. He's all loud. Maw 253 00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:26.599 My always got like fucking six toes on each hand and shit like that. 254 00:19:26.759 --> 00:19:32.079 I'm I guess it's weird. The literally like like that's it looks like his 255 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:34.039 whole foot spread out, like we let me councter toes with. You had 256 00:19:34.119 --> 00:19:38.119 six toes, motherfucker, wow, wow. But anyway, it was cool. 257 00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:41.319 Is like he liked being pat he fucking dug his head right into my 258 00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:45.079 hand and kind of did that thing cats do and they push up against your 259 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:47.559 leg and stuff, and he was into it. I'm like, yeah, 260 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:51.440 this is a cool stray cat. Y'allre fucking assholes over there. But my 261 00:19:51.559 --> 00:19:53.720 point being is like when you find somebody that likes you too, it's like, 262 00:19:53.799 --> 00:19:56.559 Oh yeah, now I'm talking about him, I'm telling you about him, 263 00:19:56.599 --> 00:19:59.960 I'm telling him, talking about it on a podcast, because that dumb 264 00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:03.480 cat gave me some attention. I think there's something to that. If someone 265 00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:07.599 gives you your attention and you have okay because of Covid or whatever, it 266 00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:11.599 feels good and you give back. Well, that's what I was, you 267 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:14.720 know, kind of alluding to with the whole lonerdom thing. Is, you 268 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.200 know, now there's something that is grabbing my attention. Yeah, wait, 269 00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:21.480 that's right, thought. But I was like trying to figure out why the 270 00:20:21.559 --> 00:20:25.599 poll is so strong. To wear it becomes obsession and that, yeah, 271 00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:26.920 that's part of it, right. It says we just didn't have it for 272 00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:32.000 so long. But where you ever before Covid, or like at high school 273 00:20:32.039 --> 00:20:34.720 or wherever? Were you ever obsessive about someone you might have fallen in love 274 00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:37.680 with, or puppy love or whatever you want to call it? I don't 275 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:42.680 know if I call it obsession just because at that time when I was in 276 00:20:42.839 --> 00:20:47.759 love. No, there was no obsession at all. It matter of fact, 277 00:20:48.039 --> 00:20:53.519 I was probably doing more of options. What do you mean knows? 278 00:20:55.079 --> 00:21:00.839 In other words, I wasn't really feeling it that this person. So now 279 00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:06.920 I'm like, mm wait, were you at once obsessed with them and then 280 00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:11.119 you just lost the interest? No, no, no, no, no, 281 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:15.200 never absom so you've never known, says with someone to tell this lady 282 00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:19.640 here. Oh No, no, no, I've had obsessions before, but 283 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:23.279 they didn't last as long as this one has, because someone replaced them. 284 00:21:23.880 --> 00:21:30.559 Yes, what was the obsessive draw of the earlier ones? Pick anyone, 285 00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:33.319 sorry, pick anyone that stands out, like do you? Does any standout 286 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:36.680 as being like, Oh, yeah, I was obsessed with her because x 287 00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:41.240 Yz, like I was obsessed. Well, I was obsessed with almost all 288 00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:45.000 my past relationships because good sex. That I mean honestly, like yeah, 289 00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:48.880 good sex, often I loved it. Well, in what was the draw? 290 00:21:49.000 --> 00:21:52.359 Night, tears and my times of being on this search, Johnny, 291 00:21:52.480 --> 00:22:00.039 I have not really been that that good with women. It's just so what 292 00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:04.759 makes you obsessed with and what made you obsessed with the earlier ones? Attention. 293 00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:10.200 I think you're right. I think I think attenion is is the big 294 00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:11.480 one. That's kind of an uncle out. You're paying attention to me. 295 00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:15.039 Yeah, when people say, well, what kind of girl do you like, 296 00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:18.079 and I'm like, yeah, one that likes me like this, pretty 297 00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:21.039 much the only qualific case. Now you like me now, but I's not. 298 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:23.359 I'm a shallow fucking I like. Not any more, though, because 299 00:22:23.400 --> 00:22:32.039 I've gotten stronger on this. I feel that if I went home with every 300 00:22:32.119 --> 00:22:38.880 woman that gave me attention, I don't think I would be having a lot 301 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:45.480 of gorgeous women in my life. You know what I mean? Wait, 302 00:22:45.640 --> 00:22:48.599 so you're saying they would be pushed out the way by ugly women who do 303 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:52.079 give you attention. was that what you're trying to say? No, okay, 304 00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:56.680 I didn't understand. Like or you're saying if you're waiting. Yeah, 305 00:22:56.839 --> 00:23:00.279 I'm confused at how that came out. Spit it out in common. I'm 306 00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:07.880 not surprised you really came to say. I'll say out to me. I'm 307 00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:12.000 just shallow. Like, I'm shallow. I like hot chicks, but whatever, 308 00:23:12.039 --> 00:23:15.680 I can't do anything about that, because one of my favorite activities of 309 00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:19.839 sex, so I do as well. But there became a time where it's 310 00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:22.799 just like, dude, are you ever going to get fucking laid? So 311 00:23:25.200 --> 00:23:29.319 it becomes a Oh yeah, that's always the thing. It's like a standard 312 00:23:29.640 --> 00:23:33.720 versus my capacity, like how hot am I versus how hot of a shit 313 00:23:33.799 --> 00:23:37.039 can I get? Because I get it's like, well, of course you 314 00:23:37.079 --> 00:23:40.319 can't get hot chicks because you're a dick or an asshole or your other that 315 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:42.799 wasn't that. Wasn't that, wasn't it? Dude? That wasn't it at 316 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:48.799 all. Well, as it boils down to self esteem. Oh yeah, 317 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:53.799 that's what it was. Low self low a good chunk of my life. 318 00:23:53.960 --> 00:24:00.039 It took me a while to figure this out. And and once I did 319 00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:08.319 figure this out, yeah, I remained really strong this particular present woman, 320 00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:14.440 that it took me out of my game of being present. Are being strong. 321 00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:17.240 Yeah, yeah, the one that broke through. She found a crack, 322 00:24:18.200 --> 00:24:19.240 right, okay, yeah, this is this, is get to and 323 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:26.319 she found the fucking cracked. The just be being just friendly and cool and 324 00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:30.079 Goddamn hot. I just getting her. Does say that. It makes sense, 325 00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:33.680 though, because she you found someone finally, you know, that met 326 00:24:33.759 --> 00:24:37.559 your standards that you've developed over years. After you know testing that your different 327 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:44.400 standards and stuff, and she seemed to be open open. Two things, 328 00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:47.720 right, right, yeah, we've had this conversation. We won't have to 329 00:24:47.799 --> 00:24:51.400 talk about the dynamics of that. But yeah, you kind of tricked or 330 00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:56.559 lured into a manage and I wouldn't say it was trueptas well. This happens 331 00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.000 before, like this has happened to me on number of occasions. Are almost 332 00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:04.680 happened, you know where there will be a woman that's already attached to somebody 333 00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:10.880 that shows interest in me. Exactly to see? I think it's to see 334 00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:14.319 if I show interest in them, and probably to cause a rift between her 335 00:25:14.440 --> 00:25:17.359 and the person she's attached to already. What I thought too, and I'm 336 00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:18.880 like, I'm I being used as a tool, or do you really like 337 00:25:19.079 --> 00:25:22.720 me, because I don't want you to break up for me to get married 338 00:25:22.839 --> 00:25:23.680 to you? and honestly, I don't know. I was a plan on 339 00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:26.839 having sex. I'm just flirting because I'm a flirty person. I just say 340 00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:32.799 what I'm fucking honestly. It's America, speak your mind, but beyond that, 341 00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:36.200 Merca. Yeah, Marca, Goddamn it, I just like the fucking 342 00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:38.839 suck some plussy. Oh Dude, I want to come up red hatters out 343 00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:41.920 there. All right, I want to make a liquor store, not a 344 00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:45.960 liquor store, but like a liquor bar that sells high end liquor shots. 345 00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:49.319 That's all they sell. We just sell liquors and hamburgers and just going to 346 00:25:49.359 --> 00:25:55.480 be liquor in the front. Now it was called Liquor Burgerh Shit, look 347 00:25:55.559 --> 00:25:59.599 at that. Yeah, Buddy, look at that single Malt Scotch and, 348 00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:03.160 like some killer angus, beef burgers, because what isn't better when you drunk 349 00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:07.480 on a few shots of liquor? Steal it, dude, let's go to 350 00:26:07.559 --> 00:26:11.640 Liquor Burger. I'm going to liquor Burger, Liquor Burger. I gotta figure 351 00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:17.079 out a good logo for that. Yeah, because liquor, liquor, liquor 352 00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:21.240 pussy. HMM. Well, what am I going to feed her, mad 353 00:26:21.400 --> 00:26:22.920 what am I going to feed him at my restaurant? If it's called Liquor 354 00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:29.039 Pussy, I got a feedom some real food. I'M gonna call them liquor 355 00:26:29.319 --> 00:26:36.559 liquor hot dog. Let's nickery. That's gonna be your restaurant, Bro Liquor 356 00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:40.319 Lips? I don't know. Still, what's Lips. What are you gonna 357 00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:44.599 put again serve them? So, liquor, Clint, I'm I'm just trying 358 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:48.279 to think of things around that area that yours is. Yours is the best 359 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:52.440 right now for sure. Well, it came from actual idea. I saw 360 00:26:52.440 --> 00:26:53.880 a liquor store in across the street with a hamburger joint, like why don't 361 00:26:53.880 --> 00:26:56.319 you put them together and called Liquor Burger? I'm like, AH, that's 362 00:26:56.359 --> 00:27:00.960 because that's my idea. Well, fuck, dude, don't you have that 363 00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:03.200 one place? For got what that was called. This did a picture of 364 00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:07.160 it, but yeah, there's a did is like liquor trunk or some shit 365 00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:12.640 like that, liquor ass, I can't remember. fucking people in the woods 366 00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:22.319 or wild and the other thing too, from a sexual standpoint. Girl was 367 00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:27.960 just amazing looking. Girl had a body. It's just everything about what I 368 00:27:29.079 --> 00:27:34.519 have looked for in a woman from like the looks wise department. Fit just 369 00:27:34.759 --> 00:27:37.920 checked all my boxes. Sure, it was just like I need to find 370 00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:41.480 out what is going on in the head of this girl. And you know, 371 00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:47.559 the more and more I dove in, yeah, she's got a lot 372 00:27:47.640 --> 00:27:52.720 of weird fears and I was kind of like man, I'd love to help 373 00:27:52.759 --> 00:27:56.799 her. I'd love to help her that. That was another thing that came 374 00:27:56.920 --> 00:28:00.400 through my head too. It's just like fuck, I'd like to like help 375 00:28:00.519 --> 00:28:04.799 someone who's maybe going through something similar to what I am. So this, 376 00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:08.480 okay, this is going to get deep, because I have questions about people 377 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:15.200 who like to help each other, right and and I think that I really 378 00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:21.400 do want a woman who is has either gone through what I'm going through or 379 00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:25.960 about to go through or has gone through yeah, instead of not going through 380 00:28:26.039 --> 00:28:29.200 it at all. Sure you want somebody related, relatable. Well, well, 381 00:28:29.279 --> 00:28:33.680 I mean do you and I've had quite a bit of conversations where I 382 00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:37.240 told you, dude, I'm confused in this new world. I don't understand 383 00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:41.000 what the fuck is going on. I'm just trying to fucking just exist in 384 00:28:41.160 --> 00:28:45.160 this weird ass world that has happened, that that is around us right now. 385 00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:52.680 I just the air of uncertainty is is kind of fucked with my head 386 00:28:52.960 --> 00:28:59.359 pretty hard. Yeah, so I think that goes along with like wow, 387 00:28:59.480 --> 00:29:03.079 there's some new beautiful woman in my life who actually is friendly and, you 388 00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:08.079 know, laughed at my jokes, came out to play one on one games 389 00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:12.160 with and had lunch with me one time, thank me for that lunch and 390 00:29:12.200 --> 00:29:15.680 Blah, blah, blah, Blah Blah. It's like okay, and then 391 00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:22.240 it just fucking stopped because that other dude was still fucking that's a good question, 392 00:29:22.359 --> 00:29:26.559 Dude. So I mean to anybody listening, if just generically, is 393 00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:33.039 it appropriate for woman who has like a parttime living boyfriends go out to lunch 394 00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:40.000 alone with a male who's interested in her after a solo game of a sports? 395 00:29:40.319 --> 00:29:42.480 Well, they didn't live together. I thought they stayed over each other's 396 00:29:42.519 --> 00:29:48.000 house. Is Sometimes. Again, Hey, way, we don't have to 397 00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:51.680 get the exils of that. But and maybe I have a close enough relationship 398 00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:53.960 where that's probable. They probably spend that at each other's houses because their kids 399 00:29:55.000 --> 00:29:57.640 are all so close. Correct. So anyway. So, is it appropriate 400 00:29:57.720 --> 00:30:02.680 for a woman who knows she's all do you in that relationship to be going 401 00:30:02.759 --> 00:30:08.200 out and trailing g shock along with Solo play dates? That's my thoughts. 402 00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:12.000 Well, you remember what's wrong with what's wrong with people? I mean because 403 00:30:12.039 --> 00:30:15.400 they're not married? I don't know, like I don't have the right answer, 404 00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:18.680 obviously, but I'm just curious about that. Well, remember when I 405 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:23.920 told you that whole thing with the giants game, you know, giving up 406 00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:30.160 the seat, her daughter would give up the seat for me. That was 407 00:30:30.279 --> 00:30:33.240 the last that was the last bit of good conversation that we had, and 408 00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:37.640 then after that it just died. Right. You were almost that a giant 409 00:30:37.119 --> 00:30:42.000 metallica show together, right, because she knows how much I like Metallica and 410 00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:45.920 I know how much she likes the giants. So there was this abouting attension 411 00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:49.480 to each other's things and she was going to sacrifice her daughter's seat and not 412 00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:55.720 take her boyfriend exactly so. And then all of a sudden, dude, 413 00:30:55.759 --> 00:31:00.279 here's here's what I think happened. He came into the picture. Either she 414 00:31:00.839 --> 00:31:07.920 told him what was going on or he just somehow just pulled her away from 415 00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:14.480 the whole exist entire thing. But when those two fucking get together, it's 416 00:31:14.599 --> 00:31:18.720 always him trying to assert his fucking Alphin is like yeah, that that's my 417 00:31:18.839 --> 00:31:25.799 girl. Now look at Alpha, I love it. That's some yeah, 418 00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:32.160 Dude. Yeah, so, anyways, session we can't have. Yeah, 419 00:31:32.519 --> 00:31:37.279 I I think there's a little bit of that, but I think it was 420 00:31:37.400 --> 00:31:42.519 the attention, Dude. I think attention definitely is at the top of the 421 00:31:42.599 --> 00:31:45.920 list. Here. Well, it's funny you say that, because I've done 422 00:31:47.079 --> 00:31:52.480 lots and lots of reading on attention deficit disorder right, because it's been framed 423 00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:56.079 a lot by people that, oh, that guy can't pay attention. And 424 00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:02.079 apparently, what I've been reading, we have people with add have a deficit 425 00:32:02.279 --> 00:32:07.119 of attention paid to us. That's why we're the way we are. People 426 00:32:07.160 --> 00:32:10.559 don't pay enough attention to us. That's our attention deficit. I'm like, 427 00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:15.079 Oh, that makes way more sense. Wow. Yeah, we're also spas. 428 00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:19.880 That's why they call it adhd hyperactivity. So yes, I'm a hyperactive 429 00:32:19.960 --> 00:32:23.039 but no attention deficit means like we have a bank that needs attention. Give 430 00:32:23.079 --> 00:32:25.519 it to us from the time we're born. You got to put you got 431 00:32:25.640 --> 00:32:30.839 to give babies attention, you got to give toddler's attention, teenagers and even 432 00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:34.880 adults. Well, if you don't give somebody attention, or if they live 433 00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:38.119 long enough without getting the proper attention that they personally lead, they start to 434 00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:43.880 develop an attention deficits. That's what it is. We need attention. We're 435 00:32:43.920 --> 00:32:46.920 fucking needy fucks because we were just lacking at tension. People didn't pay attention 436 00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:51.599 to us and kind of like the traditional fuckery. Oh you daddy didn't hug 437 00:32:51.640 --> 00:32:53.839 you enough. Well, it's kind of that, whether it was your dad 438 00:32:53.960 --> 00:32:58.960 or your mom or whatever. And enough, quote unquote, is different to 439 00:32:59.039 --> 00:33:01.839 each person, because maybe my mom and dad hugged me five times a day, 440 00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:06.319 maybe I needed twenty times a day or whatever it turns out to be. 441 00:33:06.440 --> 00:33:08.920 So that's what scientists are thinking now. It's like we we need attention. 442 00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:13.359 That's our deficit. Seeing. That's funny too, because I had a 443 00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:21.799 lot of love in this house from my parents. I yeah, I I 444 00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:24.559 was supported in a lot of things I did and I think it had a 445 00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:32.279 lot to do with the fact in the early teens I was going to quote 446 00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:40.279 unquote, special outside counseling or basically to help my education, because they saw 447 00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:49.160 that I wasn't applying myself and I wasn't super smart. But I think what 448 00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:52.240 they realized was I am smart, I just didn't give a shit. Yeah, 449 00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:55.160 just just latch on. The way they were teaching you wasn't jibing with 450 00:33:55.279 --> 00:34:00.319 the way you learned. Yeah, and I mean I'm not going to see 451 00:34:00.359 --> 00:34:07.559 him fucking Super Smart, but I'm smart enough. I then I'd say shyness 452 00:34:07.760 --> 00:34:10.760 too. I by Dude, I was. I was shy for a long 453 00:34:10.840 --> 00:34:14.840 time, man. Yeah, that's an introversion. That's like the kind of 454 00:34:14.920 --> 00:34:16.679 being unsure of yourself. So you just needed to set to have run in 455 00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:23.000 my family, my dad definitely confess to that shit. Well, it's not 456 00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:27.119 like it's a bad thing like shot. You don't have to confess to shyness 457 00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:30.039 like it's a crime or anything. I could fast. You should have been 458 00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:35.159 a shier. s I'm sorry, you should not. HMM, I don't 459 00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:38.159 know. I mean people, people don't think I'm not shy right now. 460 00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:45.920 says. It's basically trying to understand a trying trying to read people's minds about 461 00:34:46.039 --> 00:34:50.519 you. Well, and also, yeah, first, caring too much about 462 00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:54.280 what other people think, which there's ghost, people with neurotic disorders, mentally 463 00:34:54.400 --> 00:34:59.480 ill, whatever, bipolar, borderline, all these fuckers, self included. 464 00:34:59.960 --> 00:35:02.480 We think way too much about what other people think about us. We don't 465 00:35:02.519 --> 00:35:06.920 often care what they think about us, but we think what they think about 466 00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:10.039 us and right half the time get it wrong, because you can't get it 467 00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:14.159 right all the time. Yep, so, Ye, yeah, so that 468 00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:16.199 creates that thing where like Ah, fuck, and you judge a situation before 469 00:35:16.199 --> 00:35:19.800 you even get to it. So say you want to go to a party, 470 00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:22.679 but now you've judged that these five people might be there and they all 471 00:35:22.719 --> 00:35:24.679 hate you, when the reality is maybe none of them even show up and 472 00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:29.639 the fact is maybe only one of them slightly dislikes you. So when I 473 00:35:29.880 --> 00:35:31.639 go into that party because all the mothers are going to be there, they 474 00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:35.880 hate me, make up a whole story, you make up a whole drama 475 00:35:35.880 --> 00:35:38.920 about why you don't go and you create this own that creates anxiety. Yeah, 476 00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:44.440 like fear that every shy person has some sort of anxiety just because they're 477 00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:47.639 so obsessed with what people think of them. And it took me. It 478 00:35:47.719 --> 00:35:51.280 took me a while, Dude. It took me a while to get over 479 00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:53.360 that. took me a long time. Oh yeah, well, it took 480 00:35:53.400 --> 00:35:55.920 me. I still think about what people think about me a lot. I 481 00:35:57.039 --> 00:36:00.000 don't care much because I've become more stoic in that I only care about things 482 00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:04.719 I can change, and I realized I can't change what people think about me. 483 00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:07.239 Either like me or don't like me or whatever, but I'm not going 484 00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:16.800 to try to change it. And now back to the wall.