Another good reason not to try suicide? You'll feel different tomorrow anyway.

WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:10.589 Hey, hey, to Wednesday, November, twenty five, two thousand and 2 00:00:10.589 --> 00:00:16.870 twenty. I'm Johnny emotions and this here is daily emotions to show I put 3 00:00:16.870 --> 00:00:21.859 together every day, hence the name. And Yeah, I'll do one tomorrow 4 00:00:21.899 --> 00:00:25.140 too, on Thanksgiving, to see what's up with y'all. Know, I 5 00:00:25.260 --> 00:00:29.820 noticed I've got a bunch of listeners in India, so a big shout out 6 00:00:30.100 --> 00:00:37.369 to my Indian friends. And I don't think You'all celebrate Thanksgiving, but you 7 00:00:37.450 --> 00:00:41.609 get the premise. So when I say happy Thanksgiving, it's to you two 8 00:00:43.409 --> 00:00:47.810 and Y'all in Switzerland as well. It's so odd when you look at statistics 9 00:00:47.850 --> 00:00:55.640 of a podcast and I'm like that's either like a server farm or something. 10 00:00:55.719 --> 00:01:00.320 I'm just like that can't be actual listeners, but it's consistent. Well, 11 00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:02.560 I don't know, I don't know. I don't really put much faith in 12 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:07.670 the statistics of the downloads and where they're coming from, but it's fascinating to 13 00:01:07.750 --> 00:01:11.590 watch and if I do have a lot of listeners in India and Switzerland, 14 00:01:12.829 --> 00:01:17.150 you're welcome. Thank you. Thank you for listening. It's fascinating to me. 15 00:01:18.469 --> 00:01:23.420 This is today. This is one reason why you should not try suicide. 16 00:01:23.500 --> 00:01:30.180 Is because things change, your mood changes. So in this case things 17 00:01:30.299 --> 00:01:36.409 did not really change from yesterday until today. Through today, I just feel 18 00:01:36.450 --> 00:01:42.569 different. I don't feel so dismal, so hopeless. Certainly don't feel great, 19 00:01:42.569 --> 00:01:47.599 not even good, but fine. I'll take fine over shitty any day 20 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:55.280 right. This reminds me of a Queen Song called don't try suicide, or 21 00:01:55.359 --> 00:01:59.519 basically says don't try suicide because nobody gives a damn, and it's kind of 22 00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:04.030 true. And that sense, I think what's confused is a lot of people 23 00:02:04.069 --> 00:02:07.469 about suicide is that those of us who consider it or think about it, 24 00:02:07.509 --> 00:02:15.389 it's not to hurt anybody's feelings. It's to end the perpetual and recycling misery 25 00:02:15.669 --> 00:02:19.780 that we can't seem to escape. When our mind locks into that kind of 26 00:02:20.539 --> 00:02:25.699 downward vortex, sometimes we'll shake ourselves out of the vortex, but this vortex 27 00:02:25.819 --> 00:02:34.169 starts sucking everything into it that and colors it negatively. So it'll take your 28 00:02:34.250 --> 00:02:38.330 favorite music or movies or TV shows or people or whatever is around you that 29 00:02:38.449 --> 00:02:45.879 normally make you feel good and it will turn that into bad somehow. Anything 30 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:50.599 anybody good says to you, this negative vortex will suck it into the negative, 31 00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:54.199 called them and make that compliment bad news. It just I don't know, 32 00:02:54.280 --> 00:02:59.550 it's dismal, like I'm clearly aware when it's happening, but you can't 33 00:02:59.669 --> 00:03:05.069 get out of it. I would liken it to a sneeze maybe. Or 34 00:03:05.229 --> 00:03:08.430 I'm not epileptic, but I've been with people who have had epileptic fits and 35 00:03:08.750 --> 00:03:13.939 maybe kind of like that. So when you the kind of depression I have, 36 00:03:14.139 --> 00:03:17.300 and I mean bipolar or not, just because the MED's don't work doesn't 37 00:03:17.300 --> 00:03:22.900 mean it's not bipolar. But so let's say it's bipolar and I'm experiencing rapid 38 00:03:23.020 --> 00:03:31.689 cycling from yesterday's Super Depression to today's medium Hypomania, regardless those meds don't work. 39 00:03:32.169 --> 00:03:36.770 But whatever we call it, whatever you want to label it, it's 40 00:03:36.810 --> 00:03:43.840 still episodic and that it occurs without it just happens without warning, like a 41 00:03:43.879 --> 00:03:46.879 sneeze. Let's say. There are causes to a sneeze, but you don't 42 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:50.479 always know. There's pollen in the air or you don't realize you just inhale 43 00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:53.919 a little bit too much pepper while you were cooking or something. There's a 44 00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:59.430 cause for let's call it my brain sneeze, as well and my brain sneeze, 45 00:03:59.509 --> 00:04:04.590 meaning a mood swing that's either extremely high or low, and since I 46 00:04:04.750 --> 00:04:10.180 can't control those episodes any more than you could control the sneeze, or any 47 00:04:10.379 --> 00:04:13.379 any more than I could control a sneeze for that matter. I would hope 48 00:04:13.419 --> 00:04:19.779 that that explains to beginners are offices and the mental health realm that things that 49 00:04:19.939 --> 00:04:27.689 appeared to be controllable behavior from the outside are not controllable from the inside and 50 00:04:28.050 --> 00:04:31.610 we're doing the best we can, well most of the time. I mean 51 00:04:31.649 --> 00:04:34.889 I don't always do the best they can. Of course nobody does, but 52 00:04:35.329 --> 00:04:41.199 I definitely try and the me that I present to the world. Man, 53 00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:45.800 I suffer and sacrifice so much to present that normal image to the world and 54 00:04:45.959 --> 00:04:51.480 I people just don't know how much people with mental illnesses have overcome, and 55 00:04:51.720 --> 00:04:56.189 we don't. Nobody gets points on what you've overcome. Everyone only gets points 56 00:04:56.310 --> 00:05:00.149 on what you can show the world that you've accomplished, not what you've overcome. 57 00:05:00.910 --> 00:05:04.629 So it's always a constant struggle for mental people with mental illness, mentally 58 00:05:04.670 --> 00:05:10.339 ill whatever, to feel recognized at all, because we do so much work 59 00:05:10.420 --> 00:05:15.620 and it's so exhausting just to appear normal. That feels like it just never 60 00:05:15.779 --> 00:05:18.379 pays off. So that's how you get depressed. That's how you get suicidal. 61 00:05:18.459 --> 00:05:23.009 It's like will fuck all this work, I'm exhausted just to appear normal. 62 00:05:23.089 --> 00:05:27.689 I'm never going to get ahead. Nobody hears me, nobody engages. 63 00:05:28.050 --> 00:05:30.889 It's like, fuck it as fuck at all. That I mean, that's 64 00:05:30.889 --> 00:05:32.730 how it gets. That's well, I'm saying. That's that's how it gets 65 00:05:32.810 --> 00:05:36.680 to be that bad. And so what I'm saying is when you feel suicidal, 66 00:05:36.680 --> 00:05:43.240 or when I personally feel suicidal, it's just because I want to go. 67 00:05:43.959 --> 00:05:46.040 It's like, I'm done with this party. You ever been a place 68 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:47.879 where you just done? It's like this, okay, I get it. 69 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:53.230 I see how everyone thinks of me here. Fuck this, I'm leaving. 70 00:05:54.589 --> 00:05:56.990 It feels like that with life. If I could, this is going to 71 00:05:57.069 --> 00:06:00.509 be the same thing over and over and over again, no matter how you 72 00:06:00.629 --> 00:06:03.459 try to change the script or control your own faith. It seems like the 73 00:06:03.540 --> 00:06:06.860 only way to get out of it is to end it, and of course 74 00:06:06.939 --> 00:06:11.259 that's not the answer. So I hope you're not thinking of that, because 75 00:06:11.259 --> 00:06:15.779 it's holiday and everyone hates you. Or what wouldever not everybody? It's not 76 00:06:15.980 --> 00:06:21.610 always this kind of generalized throwing words a on, like nobody likes me or 77 00:06:21.769 --> 00:06:28.850 everybody hates me, it's going to be this way forever. Well, clearly 78 00:06:28.970 --> 00:06:31.610 it's not. I was in the Shitty, Shitty mood yesterday and I'm only 79 00:06:31.689 --> 00:06:35.800 in a me know me mood today. So that's a huge improvement, don't 80 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:43.720 think. And Oh, here let's talk about something actually interesting. Remember the 81 00:06:45.480 --> 00:06:54.509 transcranial direct current stimulation device? That would be the t DCS. So I 82 00:06:54.589 --> 00:07:00.310 got that and it's from a company called lifted, L I F T ID 83 00:07:00.350 --> 00:07:09.819 lifted Nero stimulation device. So you can go to get liftedcom and read up 84 00:07:09.819 --> 00:07:14.060 about it. They loaned it to me or gave it to me, I 85 00:07:14.139 --> 00:07:15.810 don't know. It just they just sent it out. So I'm just testing 86 00:07:15.850 --> 00:07:21.449 it as honestly as I can. I don't know. I might have to 87 00:07:21.529 --> 00:07:24.970 send it back or pay for it. I don't know. Anyway, let 88 00:07:25.009 --> 00:07:30.959 me tell you about it. So I got it Friday night and read the 89 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:33.680 instructions. So I started Saturday. It's now Wednesday. So I did it 90 00:07:33.759 --> 00:07:36.560 Saturday, Sunday, mighty. Thus a five days right, and here's what 91 00:07:36.680 --> 00:07:43.720 I found so far. So it's fairly elegant, sleek, lightweight looking device. 92 00:07:45.470 --> 00:07:47.949 It's comfortable fit's on your head. It's kind of weird. So if 93 00:07:47.990 --> 00:07:54.670 you've ever ever seen a movie like shocker or any prison movie where they execute 94 00:07:54.709 --> 00:07:59.100 people with an electric chair, you'll see they put like sponges around, either 95 00:07:59.180 --> 00:08:03.139 on their head or whatever, to help conduct the electricity. Well, this 96 00:08:03.379 --> 00:08:09.699 thing has the same concept, except these are more kind of sterile looking. 97 00:08:09.779 --> 00:08:13.209 They look like with this little cotton pads that you scrub your makeup off with 98 00:08:13.329 --> 00:08:16.649 those little circles. They look kind of like that, a little bit thicker, 99 00:08:16.730 --> 00:08:22.730 and their kind of high quality surgical sponges. So you soak these things 100 00:08:22.170 --> 00:08:26.199 under the sink or I use, you know, the little filter on the 101 00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:30.879 end of the think make sure you use clean water. Is what I'm saying. 102 00:08:31.639 --> 00:08:33.759 Basically, just want to soak them to get them into a more fluffy 103 00:08:35.159 --> 00:08:41.120 wet state. Then you make a little mixture of sailing solution. They give 104 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:45.070 you a little measured scooper you put table salt in there, poured into little 105 00:08:45.269 --> 00:08:50.870 shaker bottle. Shake, shake, shake, and now you re wet the 106 00:08:50.950 --> 00:08:56.340 kind of moist sponges with the saline solution. Shake at any loose water so 107 00:08:56.379 --> 00:09:03.100 it's not sopping and they kind of fit perfectly into these little circular discs on 108 00:09:03.340 --> 00:09:07.539 the headband thing. So then you just went into the bathroom mirror, you 109 00:09:07.580 --> 00:09:13.169 know, looked at my head and put it about two fingers distance above your 110 00:09:13.210 --> 00:09:16.049 brow line, pretty much as high up your head as you can do it 111 00:09:16.169 --> 00:09:20.450 without getting on top of your hair. And I made the mistake the first 112 00:09:20.490 --> 00:09:26.000 two nights that okay, there's a button on the bottom right, so when 113 00:09:26.039 --> 00:09:31.799 you push from the bottom upwards, you feel like you're going to push the 114 00:09:31.879 --> 00:09:37.480 headband off your head right. So of course, to steady had I put 115 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:39.470 my fingers on the top two while I use my thumb. Well, that 116 00:09:39.669 --> 00:09:46.029 caused a different circuit and I sparked myself the first couple of nights and it 117 00:09:46.230 --> 00:09:48.549 is very similar to that, that little spark you get when you put a 118 00:09:48.590 --> 00:09:52.100 nine volt, when those a little square batteries on your tongue, that little 119 00:09:52.139 --> 00:09:56.940 shock. Yeah, it was the same thing on my forehead twice until I 120 00:09:56.059 --> 00:10:00.580 realized what I was doing. So basically, just push the button very gently 121 00:10:00.659 --> 00:10:03.620 from the bottom for two seconds, not so hard so it pushes it off 122 00:10:03.659 --> 00:10:07.210 your head, but just enough so it pushes the button for two seconds. 123 00:10:07.210 --> 00:10:13.090 It beeps up, no sparks, no problem, and it starts it's I 124 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:18.769 call it it's it's warm up period for thirty seconds. Heats not accurate measure 125 00:10:18.809 --> 00:10:22.440 of what it's doing. I'm not exactly sure what it's doing. I think 126 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:28.320 it's incrementally increasing the voltage going through your head and for the first maybe three 127 00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:35.679 to five minutes it makes your head itch right around the area where the electricity 128 00:10:35.789 --> 00:10:37.470 is going into your brain. So makes you want to Itch, but you 129 00:10:37.470 --> 00:10:41.549 shouldn't like move or touch the device. So you kind of just got it. 130 00:10:41.590 --> 00:10:45.710 It's around your head where there is no device and it's fine. So 131 00:10:45.830 --> 00:10:50.100 after my head gets used to it, now I'm played some video games, 132 00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:56.860 watch a little video, you know, did computer work or whatever for the 133 00:10:56.980 --> 00:11:00.980 twenty minutes and at the end of twenty minutes, and by the way, 134 00:11:01.019 --> 00:11:03.690 after the itchy thing, you know, goes away. It kind of naturally 135 00:11:03.769 --> 00:11:07.490 goes away. I guess through the process you just get used to it and 136 00:11:07.610 --> 00:11:09.570 you can't feel anything. You literally feel nothing. As long as you don't 137 00:11:09.570 --> 00:11:11.769 have the band strapped too hard to your head, you know you're not going 138 00:11:11.769 --> 00:11:16.649 to feel any pressure. Just feels like nothing and then at the end of 139 00:11:16.889 --> 00:11:20.960 the twenty minutes you hear a beeper, a countdown beeper starts and at basically 140 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:26.279 thirty seconds is in thirty seconds it lowers the increments and at the very end 141 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:30.000 you hear a different tone and it's off. Then you can safely remove it 142 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:33.990 from your head without a little spark on your forehead. You go clean out 143 00:11:33.110 --> 00:11:37.029 the saline solution from the sponges, set them on our paper towel to dry 144 00:11:37.549 --> 00:11:41.110 and set the device on a shelf, you know, to use the next 145 00:11:41.149 --> 00:11:45.909 day. So I've used it for the past five days and, like I've 146 00:11:45.950 --> 00:11:50.419 talked about the other day, part of their marketing material says it will take 147 00:11:50.539 --> 00:11:56.220 healthy people and make them more alert and possibly more creative. Now I have 148 00:11:56.379 --> 00:12:00.259 adhd, I don't need to be more alert in that sense, but my 149 00:12:00.379 --> 00:12:05.529 experiment is to see if this device wakes up that traffic cop in my brain 150 00:12:05.690 --> 00:12:13.409 the way Adhd meds like concerto would. And also this has been tested by 151 00:12:13.649 --> 00:12:18.200 scientists to medical doctors and with I wouldn't call it proof, but yeah, 152 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:22.639 it's proof. I mean there's evidence that it works for depression, which is 153 00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:26.039 what I'm dealing with right now. So I've done it for the past five 154 00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:33.389 days. I've had my traditional highs and lows, but they're they've been more 155 00:12:33.509 --> 00:12:35.669 minimal. I don't know if it's just due to the situation I'm in, 156 00:12:35.789 --> 00:12:41.149 if I feel more comfortable about life or whatever, but I don't feel any 157 00:12:41.269 --> 00:12:46.860 worse than I normally would during a holiday. I'm not taking up drinking. 158 00:12:46.019 --> 00:12:48.659 I'm not a big drinker. I just I just don't rink, I guess, 159 00:12:48.779 --> 00:12:52.059 is the best way to say it. In the right situation I'd have 160 00:12:52.220 --> 00:12:58.379 me a hard cider or maybe a shot of some alcohol. I'm not really 161 00:12:58.419 --> 00:13:01.809 into it that much anymore, like at all. I like having a drinking 162 00:13:01.889 --> 00:13:03.490 like two years I think. I've just thought about it the other day, 163 00:13:05.250 --> 00:13:07.649 like damn, what having a drink now? Just mood hasn't hit me and 164 00:13:07.730 --> 00:13:13.759 not really not my thing anymore. So I'm holding it together there. I'm 165 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:16.960 not overindulging in anything, trying to do, you know, stay healthy, 166 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:22.799 given that we're in a pandemic and I'm alone. So I'm trying to look 167 00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:26.120 at the good things too. So that's also it's Thanksgiving, so I definitely 168 00:13:26.159 --> 00:13:28.870 appreciate that. I'm not hungry, I'm not I'm not hot, I'm not 169 00:13:30.029 --> 00:13:35.590 cold. It's perfect temperature inside. I've got kids who are happy and healthy. 170 00:13:35.149 --> 00:13:39.269 I Love Them. They're getting to do their thing. I don't know 171 00:13:39.429 --> 00:13:46.100 anybody that's got covid let alone died from it. Knock on wood, the 172 00:13:46.220 --> 00:13:50.340 wood frame off the wall. So yeah, there's a lot. I mean, 173 00:13:50.379 --> 00:13:54.460 I'm just trying to stay focused and I think this machine, this neurostimulation 174 00:13:54.539 --> 00:14:00.210 device, could be helping. I don't know yet. Will Continue to see. 175 00:14:00.289 --> 00:14:03.250 So it's not making it worse, that's for Damn sure. And it's 176 00:14:03.250 --> 00:14:05.129 a lot of fun because it's a Geeky little device and I like playing with 177 00:14:05.289 --> 00:14:11.039 geeky devices. So check out, get lifted, get liftedcom that's what I'm 178 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:15.840 trying now, day five, and when to Dudd a six tomorrow. And, 179 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:18.320 like I said, you know I'm gonna come on to do a podcast 180 00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:22.600 tomorrow. Why not? It's what I committed to, thirty days of PODCASTING, 181 00:14:22.679 --> 00:14:26.830 and I'm actually starting to feel better about it, like I thought. 182 00:14:26.870 --> 00:14:28.470 You know, kind of if you podcast every day, it's like doing anything 183 00:14:28.509 --> 00:14:31.750 else every day. It's like going to the gym. You kind of work 184 00:14:31.750 --> 00:14:37.389 out your podcasting muscles, you learn how to speak in the microphone more accurate 185 00:14:37.549 --> 00:14:41.980 to the thoughts you're trying to convey. You say fewer ums, fewer sow's. 186 00:14:43.379 --> 00:14:46.740 I've done this new thing. Now we're actually stop the recording and back 187 00:14:46.820 --> 00:14:50.419 up, because I talked myself into like a cold to sack many times and 188 00:14:50.500 --> 00:14:52.570 I can't figure out what the fuck was I just saying, as you can 189 00:14:52.610 --> 00:14:56.330 probably tell. But Anyway, now I stop that. I'm more focus, 190 00:14:56.490 --> 00:15:01.769 is all I'm saying, and it could be attributed to the neurostimulation device, 191 00:15:01.850 --> 00:15:09.200 because they don't take any other medication for those conditions at all. So cool, 192 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:13.240 we'll see. Anyway, I hope you have a great night hanging there. 193 00:15:13.320 --> 00:15:18.559 If it's tough, I know it's tough, you could totally leave me 194 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:22.669 a message or email me. Go to Johnny emotionscom. You can find all 195 00:15:22.669 --> 00:15:39.580 that stuff and I will talk to you tomorrow. And now back to the 196 00:15:39.659 --> wall.